Star Trek Quotables



TNG Series

"Well it's a new ship - but she's got the right name. Now you remember that, you hear?" -- Leonard 'Bones' McCoy "I will, Sir" -- Data
"You treat her like a lady, and she'll always bring you home" -- McCoy (Encounter at Farpoint, Part I)

"It never happened" -- Yar to Data (The Naked Now)

"Shields up! Rrrrred alert!" -- Riker (practically every episode!!!)

"Eaten any good books lately?" -- Q (to Worf) (Deja-Q)

"You're so stolid. You weren't like that before the beard." -- Q (Deja-Q)

"Our neural pathways have become accustomed to your sensory input patterns." -- Riker, quoting Data's definition of friendship (Time's Arrow, Part 1)

"What is it?" -- Picard about Nagillum "There's nothing out there; absolutely nothing" -- Data
"Well it's a damn ugly nothing!" -- Geordi [aside to Worf] (Where silence has lease)

"Masculine and feminine. I understand" -- Nagillum "Yes. That is how we propogate our species" -- Picard
"Please demonstrate" -- Nagillum
"Not likely!" -- Dr. Pulaski (Where silence has lease)

[K'Ehleyr breaks a glass table as Deanna Troi walks in the door] "You're upset" -- Troi
"Your finely honed Betazoid senses tell you that" -- K'Ehleyr
"That and the table" -- Troi (The Emissary)

"Fate protects fools, little children and ships named Enterprise" -- Cmdr. Riker (Contagion)

"Let's make sure that history never forgets the name... Enterprise" -- Captain Picard (Yesterday's Enterprise)

"If you prick me, do I not... leak?" -- Data (The Naked Now)

"If there's nothing wrong with me... maybe there's something wrong with the universe!" -- Dr. Crusher (Remember Me)

"The universe is a spheroid region, 705 metres in diameter" -- The Computer (Remember Me)

"Jean-Luc! It's so good to see you again. How about a big hug?" -- Q (Qpid)

"I am NOT a merry man!!!" -- Worf (Qpid)

(Geordi is trying to play a lute -- Worf grabs it, smashes it against a tree, and gives it back) *CRACK* "Sorry..." -- Worf (Qpid)

"If you can't take a little bloody nose, maybe you oughtta go back home and crawl under your bed. It's not safe out here. It's wondrous, with treasures to satiate desires both subtle and gross; but it's not for the timid." -- Q (Q Who?)

"Spot. This is down. Down is good" -- Data (Force of Nature)

"Please Mrs. Troi! ... and it's Worf not Woof" -- Worf (Half a Life)

"All good things must come to an end..." -- Q (All Good Things...)

"Besides, you look good in a dress" -- Riker to Worf (Liasons)

"But I have no sexual desire" -- Data "Ah! Impotence on top of everything!" -- Sigmund Freud (Phantasms)

"Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar!" -- Sigmund Freud (Phantasms)

"You must talk to him; tell him that he is a good cat, and a pretty cat, and..." -- Data "I will feed him" -- Worf (Phantasms)

"Some of the colonists objected to having an anatomically correct android running around without any clothes on" -- Juliana Soong (Inheritance)

"Captain, we're receiving two hundred and eighty-five thousand hails" -- Lt. Wesley Crusher (Parallels)

"They were just sucked into space" -- Riker "Blown, sir" -- Data
"Sorry, Data" -- Riker
"Common mistake, sir" -- Data (The Naked Now)

"He got turned into a spider and now he has a disease named after him" -- Dr. Crusher "I'd better clear my calender for the next few weeks" -- Troi (Genesis)

"Rock, fire, sky, and water are the four basic elements of the universe" -- Talur (Thine Own Self)

"Synthetic Scotch, synthetic Commanders..." -- Captain Scott, Scotty (Relics)

"... and get that fish out of my ready room" -- Captain Jellico (Chain of Command, Part I)

"Policemen -- I'd recognize them in any century" -- Professor Moriarty (Ship in a Bottle)

"You're dead, this is the afterlife -- and I'm God" -- Q (Tapestry)

"Yes, absolutely, I do indeed concur, wholeheartedly!" -- Riker (Where Silence has Lease)

"Captain's Personal Log, supplemental. I have just witnessed the total destruction of the U.S.S. Enterprise with the loss of all hands. Save one. Me." -- Picard's log from the future (Time Squared)

"And how do I know that someone I might save down there might not be the next Adolf Hitler? Or Khan Singh? I'm willing to take that chance" -- Picard (A Matter of Time)

"Legends...are the spice of the universe, Mr. Data, because they have a way of sometimes coming true" -- Captain Picard (Haven)

"Everytime you look at the engine, you're looking at me. Everytime you touch it, it's me" -- The holodeck-simulated Leah Brahms to Geordi (Booby Trap)

"Baby needs a new pair of shoes" -- Data, at the craps table (The Royale)

[after they kiss] "What were you just thinking?" -- Jenna "In that particular moment, I was reconfiguring the warp field parameters, analyzing the collected works of Charles Dickens, calculating the maximum pressure I could safely apply to your lips, considering a new food supplement for Spot..." -- Data
"I'm glad I was in there somewhere" -- Jenna

"It's time to put an end to your trek through the stars" -- Q (All Good Things...)

"Five card stud, nothing wild. And the sky's the limit" -- Picard, uttering the last line of the TV series (All Good Things...)

"We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own. Your culture will adapt to service us. Resistance is futile. We are the Borg." -- The Borg (The Best of Both Worlds, Part I(?))

"Good tea. Nice house." -- Worf, trying to be diplomatic (The Survivors)

"We do exactly what we would do if this Q never existed. If we're going to be damned, let's be damned for who we really are" -- Captain Picard (Encounter At Farpoint)

"Q might have done the right thing for the wrong reason, perhaps we need a good kick in our complacency to get us ready for what's ahead" -- Captain Picard, to Guinan (Q Who?)

"Did the table do something wrong?" -- Troi to Worf when she walks into his quarters and finds him standing over a broken glass table (Birthright Part I)

"I am the goddess of empathy...." -- Holographic Deanna Troi [anger] "Computer, discontinue program!" -- Deanna Troi
"Computer, belay that order." -- Riker

"Your head is not an artifact!" -- Riker, to Data (Time's Arrow, Part 1)

"Ah. I understand the source of your misperception, but this is not sleepwear, and I do not have a 'missus.'" -- Data to Jack London (Time's Arrow, Part ?)

"Thank you for the advice, but I am trying to find two individuals with a snake." -- Data to a beggar (Time's Arrow, Part ?)

"How did he put it... something like... [impression of Data] As I experience certain sensory input patterns my mental pathways become accustomed to them. The inputs eventually are anticipated and even 'missed' when absent." -- Troi, to Riker, re: Data's definition of friendship (Time's Arrow, Part 1)

"There are four lights!" -- Picard (Chain of Command, Part 2)

 

TNG Movies



Star Trek: Generations

"Oh, shit!!!" -- Data

"I was out saving the galaxy when your grandfather was in diapers" -- Kirk

"You will excuse me now, Captain. I have an appointment with enternity and I don't want to be late" -- Dr. Soran

"Yes!!!!!!!" -- Data

"Life forms.... You tiny little life forms..... You precious little life forms.... Where are you?" -- Data, singing and playing the control pannel like a musical instrument

"Data... I made that joke seven years ago" -- Geordi "I know.... I just got it!" -- Data

"Time is the fire in which we burn..." -- Dr. Soran

"I hate this! It is revolting!" -- Data "More?" -- Guinan
"Please" -- Data

"Actually, I am familiar with history, Captain, and if I'm not mistaken, you're dead" -- Dr. Soran

"Human females are so repulsive!" -- Lursa

"Normal is what everyone else is and you are not." -- Dr. Soran, to Geordi

Star Trek: First Contact

"Rumours of my assimilation have been greatly exagerrated" -- Picard

"Assimilate this!" -- Worf, about to destroy around 10 Borg by firing his phaser rifle at the detached deflector dish

"If you were any other man, I would kill you where you stand!" -- Worf

"Get off my bridge." -- Picard

"Resistance is futile." -- Data, about to release coolant which will destroy the Borg in the engineering section

"Captain ... I believe I speak for everyone here, sir, when I say, 'To Hell with our orders.'" -- Data, after Picard announces that he's going to violate his orders from Star Fleet Command

"You do remember how to fire phasers?" -- Riker to Worf when Worf first takes tactical

"Would you three like to be alone?" -- Troi to Picard and Data when she finds them stroking The Phoenix

"Believing oneself to be perfect is often the sign of a delusional mind." -- Data to Borg Queen

"You told him about the statue?" -- Riker to Geordi after Cochrane says 'I don't want to be a statue!'

"You broke your little ships." -- Lily to Picard after Picard accidentally hits the models of the Enterprise with a phaser rifle

"So much for the Enterprise E." -- Beverly Crusher "We barely knew her." -- Picard

"Think they'll build another?" -- Crusher

"There are plenty of letters left in the alphabet." -- Picard to Beverly after they and Worf start the auto-destruct sequence on the Enterprise E

"I swore I`d never use one of these... Computer, activate EMH!" -- Dr. Crusher "Please state the nature of the medical emergency." -- EMH doctor
"Twenty Borg are about to break through that door and we need a distraction!" -- Dr. Crusher
"Thats not part of my program." -- EMH doctor
"I dont care! Do a dance, tell a story, I dont care." -- Dr. Crusher
[The Borg break in as Dr. Crusher leaves]
"According to Starfleet medical records, Borg implants are supposed to irritate the skin. Would you like an analgesic cream?" -- EMH doctor

"Sorry, it's my first ray gun." -- Lily, to Picard

"They invade our space, and we fall back. They assimilate countless worlds, and we fall back. Not again. Not this time. The line must be drawn here! This far, no farther! And I will make them pay for what they have done!" -- Picard, to Lily

Star Trek: Insurrection

"Smooth as an android's bottom, eh, Data?" -- Riker

"You Klingons never do anything small, do you?" -- Riker

"Definitely feeling agressive tendencies, sir." -- Worf

"Data, what do you think we should do?" -- Dr. Crusher "Saddle up. Lock and load." -- Data

[after bobbing to the surface] "In the event of a water landing, I have been designed to act as a floatation device." -- Data

[helping Picard with his suit] "You either need a bigger suit or a smaller neck." -- Crusher "My collar size is the same as it was in the academy." -- Picard

"You know, I've never seen a sunrise. At least, not the way you see it." -- Goerdi LaForge, to Picard, after his eyes heal

"The Son'a wish to negotiate a cease-fire. It may have something to do with the fact that we only have three minutes of air left." -- Worf

 

DS9



"Picard would never have hit me..." (wounded voice) -- Q "I'm not Picard" -- Sisko (Q-less)

"In my expert medical opinion, I'd say... it's sick" -- Dr. Bashir about Dax's plant (The Wire)

"If your lies are going to be this transparent, this is going to be a very short interrogation" -- Kira "Then I'll try to make my lies more opaque..." -- Gul Darhe'el (Duet)

"Dad, I'm fourteen" -- Jake Sisko "I'm glad we agree on something" -- Commander Benjamin Sisko (Move Along Home)

"He's still dead, if that's what you mean" -- Dr. Bashir (Dramatis Personae)

"Laws change depending on who's making them, but justice is justice." -- Odo (A Man Alone)

"Rom's an idiot. He couldn't fix a straw if it was bent." -- Odo, to Quark (Babel)

"I am sorry I have no vices for you to exploit." -- Tosk (Captive Pursuit)

"I don't get out often." -- Kai Opaka to Sisko (Battle Lines)

"Nothing makes them happy! They are dedicated to being unhappy, and to spreading that unhappiness to others! They are the Ambassadors of Unhappy!" -- Bashir's response to Sisko's "keep them happy" (The Forsaken)

"The Prophets teach us patience." -- Vedek Bareil "It appears they also teach you politics." -- Sisko (In the Hands of the Prophets)

"We can't have these Bajorans going around killing each other." -- Dukat (Necessary Evil)

"I have a dream; a dream that all people -- human, Jem'Hadar, Ferengi, Cardassians -- will someday stand together in peace... around my Dabo tables." -- Quark (The Search)

"Just be careful." -- Sisko "Commander, there is no careful way to question a Klingon." -- Odo (Visionary)

"The truth is usually just an excuse for a lack of imagination." -- Garak (Improbable Cause)

"This is not a synthale kind of night." -- Bashir (Explorers)

"And it's from the heart; I really do... not hate you anymore!" -- O'Brien, to Bashir (Explorers)

"Captain, are you aware there's a Klingon on your bridge?" -- Dukat (The Way of the Warrior)

"All I ask is a tall ship, and a load of contraband to fill her with..." -- Quark (Little Green Men)

"I'm sorry if I made you feel ... unwelcome. It's just my way." -- Odo (Muse)

"You've got a good start on a novel here, Jake. The dialog is sharp, the story is interesting, the characters are real... the spelling is terrible." -- Sisko (Muse)

"Is it just me, or do the stars shine a little brighter in the Gamma Quadrant?" -- Bashir "Is it just me, or has Julian lost his mind?" -- Dax (The Quickening)

"I see I'm going to have to add the word pickpocket to your resume." -- Odo "It's only a hobby." -- Garak (Things Past)

"Stop smirking." -- Dax "I do not smirk--but if I did, this would be a good opportunity." -- Worf (The Darkness and the Light)

"I am a graduate of Starfleet Academy; I know many things." -- Worf (The Darkness and the Light)

"You are not in my shoes." -- Worf "Too bad. You'd be amazed at what I can do in a pair of size 18's." -- Dax (Looking for Par'Mach in All the Wrong Places)

"Constable, why are you talking to your beverage?!?" -- Worf "It's not a beverage. It's a changeling." -- Odo (The Begotten)

"I suppose your gods are less vague?" -- Kira "Our gods are dead. Ancient Klingon warriors slew them a millenium ago." -- Worf

"I guess I'll never understand Klingons." -- Kira
"Don't worry Major. Nobody does." ... [whispered] "They like it that way." -- O'Brien

"There's an old saying, Fortune favors the bold. Well, I guess we're about to find out." -- Sisko (Sacrifice of Angels)

 

Voyager



"At ease, Ensign, before you sprain something" -- Janeway (Caretaker)

"Mr. Vulcan, nice to meet you!" -- Neelix (Caretaker)

"Why pretend we're going home at all when all we're really going to do is investigate every cubic millimter of this quadrant, aren't we?" -- The Doctor (The Cloud)

"I don't like threats, I don't like bullies, and I don't like you!" -- Captain Janeway (State of Flux)

"Aha!" -- The Doctor "What?" -- Torres
"The patient is sick" -- The Doctor
"Can you be more specific?" -- Torres
"To discuss the patient's condition in front of the patient would be a serious breach of professional ettiquette... It's been suggested that I cultivate a greater sensitivity to my patients' needs" [leans around the bio scanner, smiles, speaks to the bioneural gel pack] "Don't worry, my little friend" -- The Doctor
"Doctor..." -- Torres
"Very well... The biological component of the circuit device has an infection... a very contagious one" -- The Doctor (Learning Curve)

"You are saying that the Maquis crew is rigid and inflexible. That they will never adjust to Starfleet rules" -- Tuvok "No, Mr. Vulcan. I am saying that you are rigid and inflexible..." -- Neelix (Learning Curve)

"Now's as good a time as any to tell you. Your ceiling is hideous" -- Neelix (Phage)

"Commander Chakotay was just showing me how to get in contact with my animal guide" -- Janeway "I hope you have better luck with yours than I had with mine" -- B'Elanna
"B'Elanna is the only person I know who tried to kill her animal guide" -- Chakotay (The Cloud)

"Trouble sleeping, Captain?" -- Q [cold glare] "Get out" -- Janeway (Deathwish)

"Doctor, I forgot all about you!" -- Janeway "How flattering" -- The Doctor (Dreadnought)

"Facial art... ooh, how... wilderness of you!" -- Q re Chakotay (Death Wish)

"This ship will not survive the formation of the cosmos!" -- B'Elanna Torres (Death Wish)

"Where are we now?" -- Janeway "We seem to be tethered to some sort of... plant" -- Tom Paris (Death Wish)

"I call myself to the stand" [snaps fingers] -- Q [there is a flash and a duplicate Q appears]

"One thing you have never been... is a liar" -- Janeway "I think you may have uncovered my one redeeming virtue! Am I blushing?" -- Q (Death Wish)

[indignantly] "My pennance is ended. I am a born-again Q!" -- Q (Death Wish)

"If we don't get more power to the warp drive we're all going to have to get out and push!" -- Paris (Parallax)

"Seems I've found myself on the voyage of the damned" -- Doctor (Time and Again)

"These people are natural born explorers" -- Kes "These people are natural born idiots" -- Neelix (The Cloud)

"You were working for her, Seska was working for them, was anyone on that ship working for me?" -- Chakotay (State of Flux)

"Mr. Kim, we're Starfleet officers. Weird is part of the job" -- Janeway (Deadlock)

"Fear exists for one purpose: to be conquered" -- Janeway (The Thaw)

"If you say a word of this to anyone..." -- B'Elanna
"I know you'll rip my heart out and eat it raw. Your secret's safe with me" -- Chakotay (Remember)

"Well Kathryn, you got us home." -- Chakotay "Right place, wrong time." -- Janeway (Future's End Pt. I)

"Ever since my first day on the job as a Starfleet Captian, I swore I'd never let myself get caught in one of these Godforsaken paradoxes. The past is the future, the future is the past, it all gives me a headache." -- Janeway (Future's End Pt. I)

"Vulcans. Deep down your all just a bunch of hypercondriacs." -- Paris (Future's End Pt. I)

"Tuvok, did anyone ever tell you your a real freakasaurus?" -- Paris (Future's End Pt. II)

"And *you*...Mr. Leisure Suit..." -- Rain Robinson "There's a name I haven't considered..." -- The Doctor (Future's End Pt. II)

"God in heaven help us." -- Ugly Militia Man "Devine intervention is... unlikley." -- The Doctor (Future's End Pt. II)

"Oh, I see! This is one of those silly human rituals. You're playing hard to get!" -- Q "As far as you're concerned, Q, I'm impossible to get." -- Janeway
"Goody! A challenge! This is going to be fun!" -- Q (The Q and the Grey)

"There's coffee in that nebula!" -- Janeway (The Cloud)

"A stranger is a friend you just haven't met yet." -- Captain Kathryn Janeway (Fair Haven)

 

Odo



"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Necessary Evil (#2.8)" (1993)
Rom: They're not keeping him alive by artificial means, are they? My brother wouldn't want that.
Odo: No, he's clinging to life all on his own.
Rom: Typical.

Odo: Commence station security log, stardate 47282.5 - At the request of Commander Sisko, I will hereafter be recording a daily log of law enforcement affairs. The reason for this exercise is beyond my comprehension, except perhaps that Humans have a compulsion to keep records and lists and files. So many in fact, that they have to invent new ways to store them microscopically. Otherwise their records would overrun all known civilization. My own very adequate memory not being good enough for Starfleet, I am pleased to put my voice to this official record of this day. Everything's under control. End log.

[Quark has been shot in his bar]
Rom: He's dying, isn't he? He's dying! What am I gonna do if my brother dies?
Odo: Do? Oh, you'll have a lot to do once this place is yours.
Rom: But if he dies...
[stops short]
Rom: Mine?
Odo: "Wives serve, brothers inherit". Rule of Acquisition number 139, if I'm not mistaken.
Rom: I hadn't thought of that.
Odo: Really? I had. Because it's a solid motive for murder.
Rom: Yes, actually. I have heard of a few untimely deaths, that seemed...
[stops short]
Rom: Wait a minute. You're not suggesting that I...
Odo: I've had my eye on you for a long time, Rom. You're not as stupid as you look.
Rom: I am, too!

Odo: I'm looking for the proprietor of this establishment.
Quark: Does he owe you money?
Odo: No.
Quark: Are you here to arrest him?
Odo: No.
Quark: Then you've found him. Quark, at your service.

Kira Nerys: My last job was at a replicator plant on Bajor.
Odo: You're not allowed to quit those jobs. What happened?
Kira Nerys: I hit a supervisor, for trying... what I thought you were trying a few minutes ago.
Odo: Hm... I appreciate your restraint this time.

Odo: Gul Dukat asked me to investigate the murder of a Bajoran man named Vaatrik. I understand you knew him.
Kira Nerys: Who says I did?
Odo: His widow.
[Kira glances over to Mrs. Vaatrik]
Kira Nerys: I suppose she also told you I killed him.
Odo: Did you?
Kira Nerys: No.
Odo: On the contrary. You were in love with him.
Kira Nerys: No.
Odo: But... he was in love with you?
Kira Nerys: No.
Odo: Doesn't sound like much of a romance.

Odo: You're not planning on leaving the station soon?
Kira Nerys: If I were, would you have the Cardassians stop me?
Odo: Yes.
Kira Nerys: Then I'm not planning on leaving the station soon.

Odo: [playing the role of the investigator] Oh, there was one other thing...

Odo: Security log, supplemental - The Ferengi holds onto life like it's gold-pressed latinum. Maybe he just doesn't want his brother to get the bar. Or maybe he knows he's the only real witness I have.

Odo: She paid you, for an alibi. I wonder how Gul Dukat will react when I tell him about that.
Quark: I'm sure it'll cost me a case of Cardassian ale.
Gul Dukat: [entering the scene] Two cases, at the very least.

Kira Nerys: Unofficially or not, you're working for the Cardassians. Sooner or later you're gonna have to choose whose side you're on.
Odo: I don't choose sides.
Kira Nerys: Everyone has to choose sides, Constable.

Odo: [voice-over] Nobody ever had to teach me the justice trick. That's something I've always known. A racial memory from my species, I guess. It's really the only clue I have to what kind of people they are. Are these kinds of thoughts appropriate for a Starfleet log? I don't care. There's no room in justice for loyalty, or friendship, or love. Justice, as the Humans like to say, is blind. I used to believe that. I'm not sure I can anymore.

[last lines]
Odo: I misjudged you, Major. You were a better liar than I gave you credit for.
Major Kira: You were working for the Cardassians.
Odo: I haven't been for more than a year. You've had all that time to tell me the truth.
Major Kira: I tried to tell you the truth, a hundred times.
[pause]
Major Kira: What you think of me... matters a lot. - I was afraid...
Odo: That it might affect our friendship?
[Kira nods]
Odo: Maybe it doesn't have to.
Major Kira: Will you ever be able to trust me in the same way again?
[Odo does not reply]

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Improbable Cause (#3.20)" (1995)
Commander Sisko: Someone tried to kill you, Garak. Whoever it was may try again, so if I were you, I would give this matter some serious thought.
Elim Garak: Well, let me see. I mean, there's the Nausicaan whose wedding suit I misplaced; and the Yridian I owe money to; and of course, there's always Major Kira.
Dr. Julian Bashir: This is serious, Garak.
Elim Garak: I'm being serious. I don't think she likes me.
Odo: She doesn't. But if she wanted you dead, you would be.
Elim Garak: You do have a point.

Elim Garak: You wanted to see me.
Odo: I have bad news for you. Major Kira has an airtight alibi.

Informant: Garak isn't the only former operative in the Order who had an 'unfortunate incident' yesterday, but he's the luckiest. The other five didn't survive.
Odo: Five operatives were killed yesterday?
Informant: Killed? No. Three died from "natural causes", the other two perished in "accidents".
Odo: Quite a coincidence.
Informant: If you believe in coincidence.

[Garak is putting in a transmission code]
Odo: That's an interesting way of scrambling a signal.
Elim Garak: Yes, I thought you might appreciate it on an esthetic level.

[Garak is going through passenger lists in Odo's office]
Elim Garak: Don't worry about me, Constable. I can manage on my own.
Odo: I'm not about to leave you alone in here so you can look through my security files.
Elim Garak: What makes you think I haven't already looked through them?
[Odo reacts alarmed]
Elim Garak: I'm joking, of course.
Odo: [less than convinced] Of course...

Elim Garak: It's been my observation... that you always act from a sense of justice, or at least what you consider justice. There's no feeling behind what you do, no emotion beyond a certain distaste for loose ends and disorder. You don't know what it means to care about someone, do you? People are just interesting creatures to be studied and analyzed.
Odo: Is there any point to this?
Elim Garak: Only that... I find it interesting that you ascribe feelings and motivations to me that you know nothing about. Or am I wrong? Tell me - is there one person in this universe you do care for? One person who's more than just an interesting puzzle to be solved? Is there, Odo? Anyone?
Odo: If there were, I certainly wouldn't tell you.
Elim Garak: [smiles] And that would be a wise decision.

Informant: [about a potential Romulan invasion into Cardassian space] It has occurred to us, and we're ready for it if it should happen. But it doesn't make any sense.
Odo: Does war ever make sense?
Informant: Still the wry observer of humanoid folly?

Commander Sisko: The question still remains, why would the Romulans want to have Garak killed?
Odo: I don't know. Considering those uniforms of theirs, you'd think they'd appreciate a decent tailor.

Elim Garak: The Flaxian left two minutes ago. If we're going to follow him we'd better get moving.
Odo: What makes you think I'm going to follow him?
Elim Garak: I happen to know that you're too dogged an investigator to allow the only witness in this case to simply disappear.
Odo: Oh, congratulations, your powers of deduction are truly astonishing. Now, if you will kindly disembark, I will get on with my "dogged" investigation.

Odo: I've had enough of your dissembling, Garak! I am not Dr. Bashir and we are not sparring amiably over lunch!

Odo: I think you secretly enjoyed destroying your own shop.
Elim Garak: Well, I admit watching it burn wasn't exactly tragic.

Elim Garak: Head for the Cardassian border. We're going to the third planet of the Unefra system.
Odo: How do you know that's where Tain has gone?
Elim Garak: I don't. But he has a safe house there that no one's supposed to know about, especially me.

Enabran Tain: [referring to Garak] Cunning, isn't he? He makes a racial slur within earshot of two Romulans, putting me in the position of either defending them, thus giving away my allegiance to them, or letting the comment pass, in which case he's managed to plant a seed of discord between us.
Odo: Frankly I don't find any of this interesting. You both go to such lengths to hide the true meaning of your words, you end up saying nothing.
Enabran Tain: I think you'll find when I have something to say, you won't have any trouble understanding it.

[last lines]
[Tain has offered Garak to join the Order again and take his place by Tain's side]
Odo: Garak, this is the man who put you into exile, this is the man who just two days ago tried to have you killed.
Elim Garak: Yes, he is. But it doesn't matter.
[he walks over to Tain and clasps his arm]
Elim Garak: I'm back.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: The Begotten (#5.12)" (1997)
Doctor Bashir: If that is a Changeling, maybe we should get it into a security field.
Odo: That won't be necessary.
Doctor Bashir: But if it gets out of that container it could be dangerous.
Odo: It's not going anywhere, Doctor. It doesn't know how. It's just a baby.

Quark: What are you up to?
Odo: I am happy, Quark, can't you just accept that?
Quark: No. It doesn't fit. If you're happy, there's something very wrong in the world. The center cannot hold.

Captain Sisko: Why would the Founders send such helpless creatures out into space?
Odo: To find out if the species they encountered posed any threat. What better way to gauge another race than to see how it treats the weak and vulnerable.

Captain Sisko: Maybe you should contact Dr. Mora.
Odo: Mora? Why?
Captain Sisko: Well, he managed to find a way to communicate with you. He obviously knows what he's doing.
Odo: Maybe so, but... I'd prefer to do this alone.
Captain Sisko: That's your call. But it's, er... always nice to have someone around to help change the diapers.

Odo: What are you doing?
Dr. Mora: I'm measuring its volume. It's been here a week and it's only grown 17%. After three days in my lab you were twice that size.
Odo: Well, maybe I was anxious to grow up, so I could get out of there.

Odo: Oh, you'd just love to get your hands on it, wouldn't you? You could sell tickets on the Promenade. "Dr. Mora's Chamber of Horrors, open for business. Right this way...!"

Dr. Mora: By the Prophets, Odo, I wasn't even sure you were a lifeform.
Odo: I wasn't sure about you either.

Dr. Mora: If it wasn't for me, you'd still be sitting on a shelf somewhere in a beaker labeled 'unknown sample'.
Odo: If it wasn't for me, you'd be a nobody. Starfleet wouldn't hire you to judge a science fair!

Dr. Mora: You formed a connection with this Changeling. That is something I was never able to do with you.
Odo: That's not true. I respected you.
Dr. Mora: You feared me.
Odo: You didn't know what I was, you... were experimenting on what looked like a lump of organic residue. That's what I'd still be if it weren't for you.
Dr. Mora: You don't know how much it means to me to hear you say that.

Dr. Mora: I suppose it's all my fault. If I hadn't poked and prodded you so much, you may have grown up in a less forbidding disposition.
Odo: Something tells me, no matter what we do to that Changeling, it's going to have a more pleasant disposition than mine. It's just the way I am.

Odo: Do you ever think about having children?
Quark: Huh?
Odo: See, I never did. It just seemed like too much trouble. But then, fate dropped one into my lap. And I couldn't be happier.
[snickers]
Odo: Cheers!

Odo: It's strange. Over the past few months I came to accept the fact that I'd never have any contact with my people again. They... rejected me, they turned me into a humanoid. Part of me was lost forever.
[snickers]
Odo: But that... little... ball of goo back in the lab changed everything. I feel as if I'm... experiencing what it is to be a Changeling again. And somehow, being a Solid... doesn't seem so bad anymore.

Major Kira: I got into this because the O'Briens needed my help. I never wanted a baby. But now... I just wish I could hold him in my arms - and never let him go.
Odo: I think I know how you feel, Nerys.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: His Way (#6.20)" (1998)
Major Kira: Vic's a fountain of information.
Odo: He's certainly a man of many talents.

Vic Fontaine: Tell me something - how do you get to Carnegie Hall?
Odo: I have no idea.
Vic Fontaine: Practice, practice, practice! Get it?
Odo: No.

Melissa: Are you classically trained?
Odo: Oh, actually, er... Vic taught me everything I know.
Melissa: [to Vic] Is he a good student?
Vic Fontaine: Head of his class.
Melissa: [to Odo] Maybe I can help you get your diploma...

Odo: This isn't working.
Vic Fontaine: I thought you two were getting along just fine.
Odo: Of course we are; you programed her to find me irresistible. I could read her a criminal activities report, she'd think it was poetry.

Odo: I may be Romeo in the holosuite, but I know the first time I see the real Kira, I'll turn back into Nanook of the North.

Odo: [on Kira's suggestion that he enjoy only his work] I do... enjoy my work. But I'm afraid, I've used it as an excuse... to avoid the rest of my life.

Vic Fontaine: All right, ladies, the night is young and I have a table waiting for us at the 'Dunes'.
Ginger: [ecstatic] We're gonna see Shecky! Oh!
[kisses Vic]
Melissa: Shecky!
Odo: Shecky who?
Melissa: Oh, you didn't tell me he had a sense of humor.
Ginger: He plays the piano *and* he is funny - kinda like Victor Borge.
Odo: Who?
Melissa: I think I'm in love...

[Kira and Odo are arguing]
Major Kira: Now, are we gonna have dinner together or not?
Odo: And if we do, then what?
Major Kira: I don't know, maybe we could go dancing.
Odo: And after that, I suppose you'll expect me to kiss you.
Major Kira: Well, it's possible.
Odo: Well then, who needs dinner? Why don't I just get it over with and kiss you right now?
Major Kira: Well, why don't you?
[Odo grabs Kira and kisses her long and hard on the mouth]
Major Kira: [after getting her breath back] You're right - who needs dinner?
[they kiss again]

Vic Fontaine: It's time to have some fun.
Odo: What does fun have to do with Major Kira?
Vic Fontaine: I'll pretend I didn't hear that.

Vic Fontaine: How'd you like being in the spotlight?
Odo: Very bright.

Odo: It's amazing what you can learn in a holosuite.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Treachery, Faith, and the Great River (#7.6)" (1998)
Odo: Has it ever occurred to you that the reason you believe the Founders are gods is because that's what they want you to believe? That they built it into your genetic code?
Weyoun 6: Of course they did. That's what gods do. After all, why be a god if there's no one to worship you?

Odo: You still haven't answered my question. Why did you decide to defect?
Weyoun 6: I realized my place is with you.
Odo: You can do better than that.
Weyoun 6: Then let's just say, I left Cardassia because my life was in danger.
Odo: From whom?
Weyoun 6: Everyone.
Odo: Aren't you being a little paranoid?
Weyoun 6: Of course I'm paranoid, everyone's trying to kill me.

[when trying to escape the Jem'Hadar, Odo hides his runabout inside of a large chunk of ice]
Weyoun 6: "We become the ice." Only a god could think of such a thing.
Odo: Well, let's just hope the Jem'Hadar give up their search before we freeze to death.
Weyoun 6: My faith will keep me warm.
Odo: Hmm, perhaps. But in an hour, you may want to trade in that faith for a thermal blanket.

Odo: Well, I hope this taught you a lesson.
Colonel Kira: What's that?
Odo: Never play springball against a changeling.

Colonel Kira: Right now, all I wanna do is just sleep for two or three...
[groans]
Colonel Kira: ...days.
Odo: Go right ahead. I should be back by the time you wake up.

[Odo has emphasized to Weyoun earlier that he is no god]
Odo: I wish you'd stop doing that.
Weyoun 6: Doing what?
Odo: Staring at me.
Weyoun 6: Was I? I didn't mean to.
Odo: You've been doing it for the last ten hours.
Weyoun 6: I'm sorry. It's just such an honor to be sitting here with a g...
[Odo gives him a menacing look]
Weyoun 6: ...security officer.

Odo: It isn't easy to turn your back on your people. Believe me, I know.

Weyoun 7: You look surprised to see me, Odo.
Odo: I'm well aware the Vorta are all clones. But I'm not sure the universe is ready for two Weyouns.
Weyoun 7: I couldn't agree more.

[Weyoun 6 has activated his termination implant]
Weyoun 6: There is one thing you can do for me.
Odo: What's that?
Weyoun 6: Give me your blessing.
Odo: I-I can't.
Weyoun 6: Please, Odo - tell me I haven't failed, that I've served you well.
Odo: You have, and for that you have my gratitude - and... my blessing.

Odo: I don't think I'll ever forget the look on his face when he died. He seemed so... content.
Colonel Kira: The last thing he saw was one of his gods smiling at him. If you ask me, he was a lucky man.
Odo: Nerys, please.
Colonel Kira: No, listen to me. I know, to Starfleet, the Prophets are nothing more than wormhole aliens. But to me, they're gods. I can't prove it. Then again, I don't have to; because my faith in them is enough - just as Weyoun's faith in you... was enough for him.

[last lines]
Odo: The Changelings are dying, and I can't help them. They're the enemy.
Colonel Kira: A very dangerous enemy - now more than ever, because they're also desperate. This isn't easy for you; but you have to remember, they started this war. You didn't.
Odo: That's true. But I know now, whichever side wins, one thing is certain: I'm going to lose.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Things Past (#5.8)" (1996)
Elim Garak: I took the liberty of borrowing this from the gentleman who thought my nose needed adjustment.
Odo: I see I'm going to have to add the word "pickpocket" to your resume.
Elim Garak: It's only a hobby.

Captain Sisko: This is Terok Nor, DS9 during the occupation.
Lt. Commander Jadzia Dax: Time travel?
Elim Garak: Er, no, it's more than that, our clothes have changed.
Odo: Could we be in a holosuite?
Captain Sisko: [testing] Computer, end program.
[nothing happens]
Captain Sisko: Let's assume that's a "no" for the moment.

[Odo, Sisko and Garak appear with the identities of Timor, Ishan and Jillur respectively]
Odo: Timor, Ishan and Jillur were the names of three Bajorans who were accused of attempting to assassinate Gul Dukat on the Promenade.
Captain Sisko: Half the Resistance tried to kill Dukat.
Odo: These three were innocent. However, no one knew that at the time, and... Dukat wanted to make an example of them, so he had them led out onto the Promenade and publicly... executed.
Elim Garak: If we're them...
Captain Sisko: If we're them, we'd better find a way out of here before Dukat makes an example out of *us*.

Thrax: The Occupation has lasted for fifty years, and it will probably last another fifty!
Odo: I wouldn't be too sure about that.
Thrax: Why not just accept it? If the Bajoran people would accept their place in history, none of this would be happening.
Odo: We are talking about the attempt on Gul Dukat's life, not the socio-political ramifications of the Resistance!
Thrax: It's all part of the same problem! When your people resort to terrorism and violence, they're fighting against order, against stability, against the rule of law, and this must be stopped.
Odo: There is more to life than the rule of law.
Thrax: It has been my observation that only the guilty make that kind of statement.

Odo: Your job is to find the truth, not obtain convictions.

Odo: How much damage would it do to the timeline if Quark were to suffer a mysterious "accident"?
Captain Sisko: I'm not sure. But maybe we should conduct a little experiment and find out.

Odo: Captain! The authorities on Terok Nor will not be looking for reasons to help us, the will be looking for a reason to interrogate us, and believe me, you do not want to be interrogated by the Cardassians.

Odo: [as Timor] There's been a temporal displacement of some kind. We don't belong in this time. We are from the future!
Thrax: I know.
Odo: You know? Then what are you going to do about it?
Thrax: What I am supposed to do; nothing more, nothing less. The question is - what are *you* going to do... Odo?

[Odo has admitted that he was the one responsible for the death of the three Bajorans]
Odo: I was too busy, too concerned with maintaining order, and the rule of law. I thought of myself as the outsider, a shapeshifter who cared for nothing but justice. It never occured to me that I could fail. But I did. And I never wanted anyone to know the truth... that seven years ago, I allowed three innocent men to die.

Odo: I'm guilty. What more is there to say?
Major Kira: Maybe nothing. Maybe a lot. I believed in you. A lot of people did. You were special; you were the one man who stood apart from everyone else, the one man who stood for justice. Now what?
Odo: Now I'm... just another... imperfect Solid.
Major Kira: Okay.

[last lines]
Major Kira: I guess the truth is that anyone who lived through the Occupation... had to get a little dirty. But I need to know... that no other innocent people died on your watch, Odo. That this was the only time.
Odo: I'm not sure. I hope so.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: The Forsaken (#1.16)" (1993)
[Lwaxana says her brooch has been stolen]
Odo: You're certain you were wearing it today?
Lwaxana Troi: Yes, of course I'm certain. I never use this hair without it.

Odo: You're Betazoid?
Lwaxana Troi: Of course.
Odo: Telepathic?
Lwaxana Troi: Yes.
Odo: And you sense no guilt anywhere in this room?
[Troi sighs and "scans" the room with her mind, then eyes Quark suspiciously]
Lwaxana Troi: No. But Betazoids cannot read Ferengis.
Odo: Quark has plenty of reason to feel guilty, but he usually doesn't have to resort to petty theft to fleece his clients.
Quark: Thank you.

Lwaxana Troi: Is 'Odo' your first or last name?
Odo: Yes.

Odo: What can I do for you? You haven't lost anything else, I hope?
Lwaxana Troi: Only my heart.

Odo: There was a minor incident at the bar that I helped her with, and now she's... grateful.
Commander Sisko: What's the problem?
Odo: The manner in which she expresses her gratitude.

Odo: Frankly, in my humble opinion, most of you humanoids spend far too much time on your respective mating rituals.
Commander Sisko: It does help the procreation of one's species.
Odo: Procreation does not require changing how you smell or writing bad poetry or sacrificing various plants to serve as tokens of affection.

[Lwaxana Troi has suggested to Odo to have a picnic on one of the upper pylons]
Odo: [peevish] I don't eat! This is not a real mouth. It is an approximation of one. I do not have an esophagus or a stomach or a digestive system. I am not like you. Every sixteen hours I turn into a liquid.
Lwaxana Troi: [shrugs] I can swim.

Odo: I'm just trying to avoid a diplomatic incident; I don't want to insult the ambassador.
Commander Sisko: A reasonable concern. I suggest you handle the matter with great delicacy.
Odo: I don't handle "delicacy" very well.

Odo: [about his past] What was it like, huh? I guess you could say I was - huh - the life of the party.
Lwaxana Troi: I... don't think I understand.
Odo: My way of trying to fit in. I found I could be entertaining. "Odo, be a chair" - I'm a chair; "Odo, be a razorcat" - I'm a razorcat. Life of the party!
[he chuckles sarcastically]
Odo: I *hate* parties.

[Lwaxana has taken off her wig]
Lwaxana Troi: No one's ever seen me like this.
Odo: Why? It looks fine.
Lwaxana Troi: It looks ordinary. I've never cared to be ordinary. So you see, Odo, even we non-shapeshifters have to change who we are once in a while.
Odo: You are not at all what I expected.
Lwaxana Troi: No one's ever paid me a greater compliment.

[Odo and Lwaxana Troi have been stuck in a turbolift]
Odo: I... know that wasn't exactly what you had in mind for your picnic.
Lwaxana Troi: When it comes to picnics, the only thing that really matters is the company.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Chimera (#7.14)" (1999)
Chief O'Brien: Where is all this fog coming from?
Odo: It's not fog; it's Laas.
Chief O'Brien: Laas?
Doctor Bashir: What's he doing?
Odo: Being fog. What's it look like?
Chief O'Brien: Can't he be fog somewhere else?
Doctor Bashir: Or at night, when nobody's around?
Odo: He's not hurting anyone.
Chief O'Brien: Still - it's kinda creepy.
Doctor Bashir: Careful, Miles, he might hear you.
Chief O'Brien: Good!

Odo: Laas was only doing what comes naturally to us.
Quark: You never pulled a stunt like that. You're smart enough to know that people don't wanna be reminded that you're different. Who wants to see somebody turn into goo?

Laas: You've given up a great deal to remain here.
Odo: Yes... Yes, I have. But I won't have anything to do with the Founders and their war.
Laas: Odo - we linked. I know the truth. You stayed here because of Kira. If it weren't for her, you would be with our people. War or no war, you would be... a Founder.

Odo: Look at me, Nerys. What do you see?
Colonel Kira: I see you.
Odo: No! No, this is... just a form I borrowed. I could just as easily be someone or some*thing* else.
Colonel Kira: I know that. But... this... is what you have always chosen to be: a man - a good and honest man. A man I fell in love with. Are you trying to tell me that he never really existed?
Odo: I don't know. - I care for you, more than anyone I've ever known. These last few months have been the happiest of my life. But even so, part of me wishes that Laas and I were out there right now searching for the others, existing as changelings. Because that's what I am. Not a humanoid. I'm a changeling!
Colonel Kira: Well, then maybe you're right - maybe you do belong out there.

Laas: The truth is, I prefer the so-called primitive life forms. They exist as they were meant to, by following... their instincts. No words get in the way, no... lies, no deceptions.
Chief O'Brien: We're not the ones who can disguise ourselves as anything we want.
Odo: Meaning...?
Laas: Meaning, shapeshifters are not to be trusted.
Chief O'Brien: I trust Odo.
Laas: Of course you trust Odo. Look at him. You've convinced him that he is as limited as you are.

Odo: Laas, humanoids are not the petty, limited creatures you perceive them to be. What Nerys did should prove that even to you.
Laas: Love conquers all, is that it?
Odo: I'm sorry you can't understand. You've done many things, been many things. But you've never known love.
Laas: Compared to the link, it is a pale shadow, a feeble attempt to compensate for the isolation that mono-forms feel because they are trapped within themselves.
Odo: Perhaps the fact that it's not easy is what makes it worthwhile.

Captain Sisko: Martok has expressed some concerns about our security arrangements.
Odo: Meaning?
Captain Sisko: He's not sure it's appropriate that you should be in charge of the prisoner.
Odo: May I ask why?
Captain Sisko: Because you were a witness to the alleged crime.
Odo: Well, that's a relief. For a moment, I thought you were going to say it's because... I'm a changeling.

Laas: What are you holding on to? Kira? Even she knows that this is what's best for you. Why else would she have helped me to escape?
Odo: You really don't know, do you? You've no idea what it means to love someone enough to let them go.
Laas: She let you go, so that you could find out where you belong.
Odo: I know where I belong.

Colonel Kira: I'm sorry I can't link with you.
Odo: Doesn't matter, Nerys. I love you.

[the Klingons have filed charges against Laas]
Captain Sisko: They claim he surrounded them menacingly.
Odo: [scoffs] They felt menaced by fog.
Captain Sisko: They weren't the only ones. There are twelve other people who filed complaints.
Odo: Is it a crime to shapeshift on the Promenade?
Captain Sisko: It's not a crime, but it's obviously not a good idea.

Odo: You'd better go. They're looking for you. Good luck.
Laas: And to you, Odo. You'll need it more than I.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: A Simple Investigation (#5.17)" (1997)
Odo: What do you want me to do again?
Lt. Commander Jadzia Dax: Save the Queen.

Arissa: I didn't realize I tripped an alarm.
Odo: You didn't. You're good.
Arissa: I still got caught.
Odo: I've been following you.
Arissa: I didn't know.
Odo: I'm good too.

Odo: Are you waiting for someone?
Arissa: You. Where have you been all my life?
Odo: Pardon me?
Arissa: Isn't that what you were hoping I'd say?
Odo: It's just that you keep glancing at the door.
Arissa: I'm waiting for someone.
Odo: That's all I meant.
Arissa: Sorry, I thought you had other things on your mind. Must be those bedroom eyes of yours.

Odo: Isn't that the woman I was supposed to steal away from Falcon?
Doctor Bashir: Well, uh... yes, but, um... since you didn't show up...
Odo: ...you swept her off her feet.

Doctor Bashir: You didn't come here to talk to me about women. Did you? Aah! This is about 'Bedroom Eyes', isn't it?
Odo: Who told you about her? Kira?
Doctor Bashir: Nope.
Odo: Dax?
Doctor Bashir: Actually it was Miles.

Arissa: Why are you doing this?
Odo: Doing what?
Arissa: Helping me.
Odo: Why not?
Arissa: You mean you're just doing this out of the kindness of your heart?
Odo: I... don't have a heart.
Arissa: You could have fooled me.

Odo: I've done things in my life I'm not proud of too. You worked for Draim; I worked for the Cardassians. I never had the courage to walk away. You did. I admire that.

Arissa: I've never been admired for anything other than the way I look.
Odo: Most people can't see past the surface - especially when what they see is so beautiful.

Odo: So, did you find anything in Tauvid's locker?
Arissa: Would you believe me if I said no?
Odo: Actually, I'd have you strip searched.
Arissa: That might be fun.

Odo: I fell in love with a woman who never really existed.
Arissa: She did exist. She was real. And she loved you. In a way, she still does.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Vortex (#1.11)" (1993)
[first lines]
Quark: The usual, Odo?
Odo: Nothing.
Quark: The usual.

Odo: That... Croden... is an interesting character.
Quark: I wouldn't know.
Odo: Really? I thought you said you got to know him rather well.
Quark: I never told you that! I merely said we chatted when he bought a drink or two.
Odo: I've talked to several people who saw the two of you engaged in heavy conversations, while Morn here says you even bought the fellow a meal.
Quark: Morn should keep his big mouth shut!

Croden: Don't you feed your prisoners?
Odo: The fact that you just killed a man doesn't affect your appetite?
Croden: It was him or me. And if he'd have killed me, I wouldn't be hungry now.

Odo: I think I finally figured out what crime you were found guilty of on your world.
Croden: What's that?
Odo: You talk too much.

Quark: You should sympathize with my kindness.
Odo: There's no profit in kindness.
Quark: You attribute odious motives to my every charitable act.
Odo: That's because your favorite charity is your own pocket.

Rom: How dare you suggest that my brother set up this robbery!
Odo: What an interesting theory, Rom.

Yareth: Are you really a changeling?
Odo: Yes - I suppose I am.

Odo: You could have left me behind.
Croden: Don't thank me, I already regret it.
[after saving Odo from falling rocks]

Odo: Don't thank me, I already regret it.
[after proposing to a Vulcan captain to take Croden and Yareth to her home world]

Odo: [to the stone changeling] Home... Where is it? Someday we'll know... cousin.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: The Abandoned (#3.6)" (1994)
Chief O'Brien: [referring to the Founders] I still don't understand why they would engineer someone to be addicted to a certain chemical.
Odo: I suspect it's another way of ensuring the loyalty of the Jem'Hadar to the Founders. If your soldiers are addicted to a drug that can't be replicated and only you can provide, that gives you a great deal of control over them.
Chief O'Brien: Seems a pretty cold-blooded thing to do.
Odo: My people don't have blood, Chief.

[Sisko has been ordered to send the Jem'Hadar to another star base]
Commander Sisko: There will be a complete team of xenobiologists and exopsychologists waiting for him.
Odo: So they're going to study him, like a laboratory specimen.
Commander Sisko: Well, he'll be very well treated.
Odo: [sarcastically] So he'll be a well treated specimen.

Odo: I also know what it's like to be a specimen in a laboratory. Oh, I'm sure they'll treat him very well. No one will risk harming their new prize. They'll be courteous, caring, treat him like he's among friends, but in the end, he'll be just another specimen to them, something to be analyzed and cataloged. Give me the chance to find out if he really is just a programed killing machine - or if we can help him become something else.

Major Kira: I never thought I would say this to you, Odo, but you are listening to your heart, not your head. That boy was created in a laboratory! His body, his mind, his instincts, are all designed to do one thing: to kill.
Odo: My body, mind, and instincts were designed to be a Founder. You were trained to be a terrorist. But each of us chose to be something different. I just want to give him the same chance we've had!
Major Kira: All right. Give him a chance. Just don't forget, he is a Jem'Hadar. He's dangerous!

Odo: Is that all you can think about? Killing? Isn't there anything else you care about?
Jem'Hadar Teenager: I don't think so.

Odo: We need to find other interests for you to pursue. For the moment, why don't you relax? Try not to be so tense. Take it easy. Smile.

Jem'Hadar Teenager: Why do you want to look like a humanoid? You're better than they are. You're a changeling.
Odo: That doesn't make me better. Just different.

Odo: No one on this station is better than anyone else. We're all equal.

Jem'Hadar Teenager: I now know that anyone who is not a Jem'Hadar, is my enemy.
Odo: Does that include me?

[last lines]
Odo: Major - about the boy... You were right.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Babel (#1.4)" (1993)
Odo: Unauthorized access to crew quarters is a crime, Quark. You could have just asked to use the replicators.
Quark: There's an old Ferengi saying: "Never ask when you can take". Uh... how d'you figure it out?
Odo: You claimed Rom fixed your replicators?
Quark: So?
Odo: Rom's an idiot. He couldn't fix a straw if it was bent.
Quark: You're right, Rom is an idiot. Remind me to get rid of him tomorrow.

[Quark is testing his dabo wheel when Odo enters]
Quark: Care to place a friendly wager?... If it's your reputation you're thinking about, no one need ever know.
Odo: It has nothing to do with my reputation. The truth is, I never... learned the game.
Quark: You mean you sat here for all these years and you don't even know how to gamble?
Odo: That's correct.
Quark: No wonder you always look so bored.

Odo: Quark. Am I to believe that you're volunteering to help?
Quark: Who said anything about volunteering? We can haggle over price later.

Jaheel: Dark - fellow - distance...
Odo: Yeah, tell me about it.

Quark: Odo? Quark to Odo? You're still with us?
Odo: Try not to sound too disappointed.

Commander Sisko: We need to find out who created this virus.
Commander Sisko: [to Kira] You're our best hope.
Major Kira: Eighteen years is a long time.
Odo: Besides, even if she finds who did this, that's no guarantee they can help us.
Commander Sisko: We just have to hope they remember the antidote.
Odo: That's assuming they ever bothered to create one.

[Sisko has agreed to let Kira take a runabout to get help from Bajor]
Odo: Let's just hope there's someone left to greet her when she returns.

Commander Sisko: We'll have to get down there and blow it manually.
[he tries to get up but falls back, exhausted]
Odo: I'll do it.
Commander Sisko: All right. You can cross barrels. All job appalled.
Odo: What was that?
Commander Sisko: Bread - the arrive - seen earlier.
Odo: Oh, I see...

Odo: I need to get to docking port V now. That ship's gonna explode in five minutes!
Quark: I'll beam you over.
Odo: You?
Quark: Relax. I served on a Ferengi freighter for eight years.
Odo: All right.
[he rushes onto the transporter pad]
Quark: I must have witnessed the procedure hundreds of times!
Odo: Witnessed? You mean to say you never handled the controls yourself?
Quark: Energizing!
[waves Odo goodbye as he beams him away]

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: The Alternate (#2.12)" (1994)
Odo: Humanoid death rituals are an interest of mine.
Quark: Death rituals?
Odo: Everybody needs a hobby.

Odo: Some species burn their dead, others pack them in blocks of ice. Some even surround themselves with the company of family corpses. But the Ferengi ritual, of chopping up their loved ones and selling them, huhuhuh, I find that... irresistible.
Quark: I'm very busy here.
Odo: What a fitting and distinguished way to honor the memory of great Ferengi entrepreneurs. I'm thinking of starting a collection, putting up a display case in my office. There'll be a special space in there reserved just for you, Quark.

[Dr. Mora is telling Dax about the time when he first discovered Odo]
Lieutenant Jadzia Dax: When did you realize you were dealing with a sentient life form?
Odo: He didn't. I had to teach him that myself.

[Dr. Mora has been injured in an earthquake]
Commander Sisko: I know how you feel, Constable.
Odo: Feel? About what?
Commander Sisko: When my father became ill, I can remember how small and weak he looked there lying on the bed. He'd been so strong, so independent. It always seemed to me that there was nothing that he couldn't do. But in the end, I realized there was nothing that he *could* do, and nothing I could do to help him.
Odo: I appreciate your thoughts, Commander. But Dr. Mora is not my father.

Dr. Mora: Constable?
Odo: It's a nickname that I barely tolerate.
Dr. Mora: It's an expression of affection that you find difficult to accept.

Chief O'Brien: [about the pillar found in the Gamma Quadrant] Any idea what it is?
Odo: I'm hoping it's a key, Mr. O'Brien - a key to my past.

Dr. Mora: [after finding out about Odo's identity crisis] What do you think they'll do with you?
Odo: Do?
Dr. Mora: They won't know what to do with you! They'll put you in a high-security prison, or quarantine you on a deserted asteroid in the Gamma Quadrant. Odo, they'll put you in a zoo!
Odo: [flustered] I don't... believe that. You don't know them.
Dr. Mora: What other humanoid have you been able to trust except me?
Odo: [incensed] What makes you think I trust you?

Odo: Dr. Mora... I want to be sure, you understand... I had no idea.
Dr. Mora: You had to speak in a voice loud enough for me to hear.
Odo: I'm... sorry.
Dr. Mora: I'm sorry it was necessary.

[last lines]
Dr. Mora: I would like - in a very small way - to be part of your life again, your life here, on the station. From time to time, we could talk about things that matter to you, to us.
Odo: I'd like that.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: The Ascent (#5.9)" (1996)
Quark: I'm not trying to rescue you, I'm taking you along as emergency rations. If you die, I'm gonna eat you.
Odo: You're joking.
Quark: Waste not... want not.

Quark: So - how much longer till we reach Inferna Prime?
Odo: Oh, I'd say 191 hours and 17 minutes - give or take a day.

Odo: You can annoy me, bait me, question my very existence, but in the end, we both know I've won. Because when all is said and done, I'll be heading back to Deep Space Nine, and you'll be spending the rest of your life in a Federation penal colony.

Odo: I guess you're not as successful a businessman as you think you are.
Quark: Which means you spent the last ten years of your life trying to catch a nobody, with little success, I might add. So you tell me: which one of us is the bigger failure?

Quark: All we have to do is haul this transmitter to higher ground - more altitude, less atmosphere. Go high enough and we might be able to get a signal out.
Odo: And how much higher do we have to go?
Quark: Uh... carry the seven, take the square root, times pi... I'd say, er...
[points at the top of the highest mountain]
Quark: ...that high.

Odo: [freezing and breathing heavily] Chief of Security... 's log, final entry - It looks like... Quark didn't make it. Can't say I'm surprised. You'll find his body further up the slope. No doubt he'd want you to vacuum desiccate his remains... and auction them off. Not that they're worth... much. As for myself... cremate me. Stick my ashes in my bucket and shoot me through the wormhole. I might as well end up where I began. Or better yet...
[he is beamed up]

[Odo has just been saved from the planet]
Odo: Quark?
Lt. Commander Worf: We found him on top of the mountain slumped over a subspace transmitter.
Odo: You mean he made it?
Lt. Commander Jadzia Dax: If it wasn't for his signal, we never would have found you. Looks like he saved both of your lives.
Odo: I was afraid you'd say that.

[last lines]
Quark: You remember back there, when I told you I hated you, and you told me you hated me?
Odo: Vividly!
Quark: I just wanted you to know - I meant every word of it.
Odo: So did I.
[both laugh]

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Crossfire (#4.12)" (1996)
Major Kira: I've been meaning to ask you, why don't you wear that belt anymore?
Odo: I don't know. Didn't really serve a purpose. It's not as if I needed it to hold my pants up.
Major Kira: I just thought it looked good on you, that's all.
Odo: [pleasantly surprised] Really?
Major Kira: [smiles] Really.
Odo: Well... if you say so.
[Odo morphs his waist to include a belt on his uniform]
Odo: Better?
Major Kira: Much.

Major Kira: Do you have to stare like that? I think it's making people nervous.
Odo: Good.

[Quark is complaining about the noise Odo makes at night while shapeshifting]
Quark: Last night it sounded like a Takaran wildebeest was tromping around up there.
Odo: That was for all of five minutes. Once you complained I took the form of a Rafalian mouse.
Quark: Yeah. Little tiny feet, skittering across the floor, back and forth - back and forth.
Major Kira: You could hear that?
Quark: [pointing at his ears] Hello?

Major Kira: It's just Quark's luck that you would be assigned quarters right above his.
Odo: "Luck" had nothing to do with it.

Shakaar: I want to stop by the Promenade and visit the temple first.
Odo: Why wasn't I told about this?
Sarish: I didn't know myself until a moment ago.
Shakaar: Is there a problem?
Odo: I would have posted extra Security on the Promenade.
Shakaar: Oh, well, we'll just... slip in, I'll stay for a few minutes and then... we'll slip out.
Odo: [sighs] With all due respect, sir, now that you're First Minister, you can't slip in or out of *bed* without people noticing.
Shakaar: [laughs] Maybe not. But that doesn't mean I'm gonna stay in bed all day.

Quark: Well, I've said my piece; sorry for butting in. But I'm just looking after my business.
Odo: Funny... For a minute there, I thought you were talking to me as a friend.

Major Kira: Hey - no belt?
Odo: I'm just trying to keep to the essentials, Major.

Quark: I dropped by your quarters this morning.
Odo: Oh?
Quark: I heard some noise, and when I went to complain, I found a work crew installing soundproofing in the floor. I have to say, Odo, I'm touched, that you would do something like that for me.
Odo: I'm having the floor reinforced. The fact that they're soundproofing it as well is incidental. If you think I'd put up with three days of construction for your sake, think again.
Quark: I guess I should've known... Thanks anyway.
Odo: Don't mention it.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: The Collaborator (#2.24)" (1994)
Odo: Secretary Kubus! Last I heard, you were living on Cardassia.
Kubus: I decided it was time to come home.
Odo: Welcome back. You're under arrest.

[Kira and Odo are paying Quark a visit]
Quark: Whatever she told you, I didn't do it!
Odo: Relax, Quark, no one's accusing you of anything.
Quark: The day's still young.

Quark: You want something from me, don't you?
Major Kira: How'd you guess?
Odo: It's simple: we've been here more than a minute, and we haven't insulted him, threatened him or arrested him.

Major Kira: He says he's not guilty. I know he's not guilty.
Odo: But you're afraid he's guilty.

Odo: The one thing I've learned about humanoids is that in extreme situations, even the best of you are capable of doing terrible things.

Odo: You humanoids - when it comes to emotional attachments, you never see the obvious.

Odo: There was quite a mob gathering out there. I had to call in extra security to disperse it.
Kubus: I never doubted your ability to handle the situation, Odo. You always were good at your job.
Odo: I could say the same for you. Secretary Kubus. Special Liason between the Cardassian cccupational forces and their pawns in the Bajoran government.
Kubus: I served the only recognized government on Bajor during the occupation.
Odo: Recognized by the Cardassians.
Kubus: If it wasn't for us the situation on Bajor would have been ten times worse than it was.
Odo: Maybe. But I don't see how you could know that seeing that you spent nearly all of your time on this station. I remember Gul Dukat telling me once you were his favorite Bajoran.
Kubus: Really? Well, I never could stand that arrogant tyrant.
Odo: You hid your feelings well.
Kubus: It kept me alive. Bajor is my home. I never should have left it.
Major Kira: But you did. And you're going to have to live with that decision.

Odo: This is Major Kira, the highest-ranking Bajoran on this station.
Kubus: And I suppose you're the one I should be talking to?
Major Kira: Make it brief. I don't enjoy talking with collaborators.
Kubus: I'm not asking you to like me. I'm simply requesting that I be allowed to return home.
Major Kira: Your request is denied.
Kubus: I doubt if you have the authority to make that decision.
Major Kira: The decision has already been made. In the Ilvian Proclamation, every Bajoran who was a member of the Cardassian occupational government was sentenced to exile. Your name was number four on that list. Personally, I think you all got off to easy.
[Kira turns to leave, but Kubus stops her]
Kubus: Major! I'm an old man. I don't have many years left. What's the harm in letting my live them out on Bajor?
Major Kira: When the Cardassians needed a new group of Bajorans to work in the mines, who approved those work orders?
Kubus: The Bajoran government.
Major Kira: Whose signature was on those authorization forms?
Kubus: Mine.
Major Kira: And you had to know those authorization forms were death sentences. Did you ever once refuse to sign them?
Kubus: [Shakes his head] No.
Major Kira: And that is why you can never be allowed to set foot on Bajor again. Because if you do, it would dishonor the memory of every person you sentenced to death.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: The Muse (#4.20)" (1996)
Lwaxana Troi: Someone once said: "Life is a search to find the peace you once had when you were safe inside your mother".
Odo: I didn't have a mother.
Lwaxana Troi: [long sigh] Don't worry, it's all right. You'll find your peace... just the same.

[a rather glum and depressed group is sitting around Lwaxana Troi]
Lwaxana Troi: Odo! Won't you join the party?
Odo: Actually, I have some free time, and I was... wondering if you wanted to take a walk.
Lt. Commander Worf: [apathetic] I would.

Odo: How are you feeling now?
Lwaxana Troi: Like a Changeling who's had to hold his shape too long.
Odo: Ah. Well, I, uh... I think I know how that feels.

Lwaxana Troi: Don't go do what I did. Look for someone to fix your broken heart, then end up pregnant and on the run.
Odo: I... don't think there's much danger of that happening.

[Odo has proposed to Lwaxana to marry him in a Tavnian ceremony]
Lwaxana Troi: In a Tavnian wedding, the groom must stand before the bride and tell her why he wants to marry her. And then, in front of his family and friends, he must proclaim his love for her and convince her to accept him as her husband.
Odo: Well, I trust I can count on you to accept me even if I just stand there and read last week's criminal activity report.

Odo: [at his Tavnian wedding] Before I met her, my world was... a much smaller place. I kept to myself; I didn't need anyone else; and I took pride in that. The truth is... I was ashamed of what I was. Afraid that if people saw how truly different I was, they would recoil from me. Lwaxana saw how different I was - and she didn't recoil. She wanted to see more. For the first time in my life, someone wanted me as I was. And that changed me... forever. The day I met her... is the day I stopped being alone. And I want her to be part of my life from this day on. Marry me, Lwaxana. Let me into your light.

Lwaxana Troi: Goodbye, husband.
Odo: Goodbye... wife.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Profit and Loss (#2.18)" (1994)
Odo: I heard an interesting rumour today.
Quark: Only one? I started at least twelve.

Quark: I never told you this, Odo, but I consider you as dear to me as my brother.
Odo: [laughs contemptuously] I've seen how well you treat him.

[Quark has just been slapped in the face by Natima]
Odo: Are you all right?
Quark: All right? This is the happiest day of my life!

Odo: So, how well does this woman know you? Just enough to dislike you or well enough to really hate you?

Odo: So, which is it - dislike or hate?
Quark: It's none of your business. But if you have to know, I was the love of her life.
Odo: [scoffs] Must have been some life.

[Quark has beseeched Odo to set Natima and her students free]
Quark: Listen to me, Odo. You do this for me, and I promise you, there'll be no more secrets between us. I'll tell you about every underhanded deal, every lying scheme, every dirty trick... my brother Rom's involved in.
Odo: Well - since you put it that way... I'm not interested.

Odo: I'll free them, Quark, but only in the name of justice.
Quark: Justice? That was gonna be my next suggestion!

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Broken Link (#4.25)" (1996)
Quark: I hear you're taking a little trip to the Gamma Quadrant.
Odo: Care to come along?
Quark: Are you kidding? I expect to own this station by the time you get back.

Odo: I've spent most of my life bringing people to justice. Now that it's my turn, how can I run away?

[Garak has called Odo to his shop to introduce him to Chalan Aroya, a Bajoran woman]
Odo: [after Aroya has left] The next time you call me, it had better be to report a crime.
Garak: Now that you mention it, I've just witnessed a crime. Letting Aroya walk out of here without arranging a date, you should be locked away for that!
Odo: [disgusted] You humanoids, you're all obsessed with these convoluted mating rituals.
Garak: True, but do you think we'd waste so much time on something that wasn't worthwhile?

[Odo suffers from density fluctuations]
Doctor Bashir: For all I know, this could be a normal biological process, the Changeling equivalent of puberty - or menopause.
Odo: That's an interesting theory, Doctor - one I suggest that you keep to yourself.

Odo: The only ones who can help me now... are the Founders.

Doctor Bashir: Physiologically, you're completely Human.
Odo: Except for my face.
Doctor Bashir: Yes, I was wondering about that - why they left it unchanged.
Odo: They left it this way on purpose, to make sure I'd never forget what I was. And... what I've lost.

Odo: When I joined with the other Changelings in the Great Link I... felt something I never felt before. In that moment, I knew I was home. For the first time I felt that I understood my people - their distrust of the Solids, their... willingness to do anything to protect themselves. And then, in an instant, it was all snatched away. I'm trapped inside this body. I can never rejoin the Great Link. My job is the only thing I have left.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: The Search: Part 2 (#3.2)" (1994)
[Odo has linked with the female shapeshifter, leaving him awestruck]
Major Kira: Odo!
Odo: Yes, Major?
Major Kira: Are you all right? What happened?
Odo: I'm not sure. But I know one thing. She's right: I am... home!

Odo: It's... different than I imagined it would be.
Female Shapeshifter: Whatever you imagined, I promise, it will be better.

Odo: Then teach me what I need to know.
Female Shapeshifter: I'll do what I can. But in the end, this is another journey you'll have to make on your own. And when it is over, you'll be ready to take your place in the Great Link.

Major Kira: You belong to the Dominion, don't you?
Female Shapeshifter: Belong to it? Major, the changelings *are* the Dominion.
Odo: You're the Founders!
Female Shapeshifter: Ironic, isn't it? The hunted now control the destinies of hundreds of other races.
Odo: But... why control anyone?
Female Shapeshifter: Because what you can control can't hurt you.

Odo: How do you justify the deaths of so many people?
Female Shapeshifter: The solids have always been a threat to us. That's the only justification we need.
Odo: But these solids have never harmed you. They traveled the galaxy in order to expand their knowledge, just as you once did.
Female Shapeshifter: The solids are nothing like us.
Odo: No - I suppose they're not. And neither am I.

Odo: I admit this... Link of yours is appealing. But you see, I already have a link - with these people.

Female Shapeshifter: Your link to the solids won't last. You will always be an outsider.
Odo: Being an outsider isn't so bad. It gives one a unique perspective. It's a pity you've forgotten that.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Shadowplay (#2.16)" (1994)
[Jadzia and Odo are discussing Odo's effect on women]
Odo: Women don't react to me in that manner.
Lieutenant Jadzia Dax: Are you saying that you've never had a female friend?
Odo: I consider Major Kira a friend.
Lieutenant Jadzia Dax: That's not what I meant. I'm talking about an intimate friendship.
Odo: That's a very personal question.
Lieutenant Jadzia Dax: I'm sorry, but after seven lifetimes the impersonal questions aren't much fun anymore.

Taya: What happened to your face?
Odo: Nothing happened to my face; I'm a shapeshifter. I just don't do faces very well.

Odo: When I was younger, people were always asking me to change shape for them. They pretended to be my friends. But all they wanted was to see me become a chair or an animal. None of them ever really cared about me.

Odo: What about the villagers, what about your granddaughter?
Rurigan: She's not real.
Odo: Technically I suppose you're right. Maybe, by our definition, Taya is not real; her memories are stored in a computer, her body is made up of omicron particles. But who is to say that our definition of life is the only valid one?

Odo: I saw the way you held her hand when she was sad; I saw the way you tried to comfort her when she was frightened.
Rurigan: I... I didn't want her to get hurt.
Odo: If she's not real, what does it matter?
Rurigan: It matters... It matters to me.
Odo: Why should it matter to you if a hologram cries?
Rurigan: Because I love her.

Odo: Don't you see? She's real to you; and she's real to me too, they're all real. And you can't turn your back on them now.

Colyus: [after Dax has restored the holographic village with all its inhabitants] We just have to get used to the fact that we're holograms.
Rurigan: We're alive and have our families back, that's the only thing that counts.
Colyus: I wonder who created all this.
Odo: Whoever it was did a fine job.
Colyus: He did, didn't he?

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Homefront (#4.10)" (1996)
Odo: You humanoids are all alike, you have no sense of order! And Dax is the most 'humanoid' person I know.

Odo: I've found that when it comes to doing what's best for you, you humanoids have the distressing habit of doing the exact opposite.

[Odo has taken an aerial tour of San Francisco as a seagull]
Benteen: It makes me wonder how many other Changelings might be flying around up there.
Odo: If all they're doing is flying around imitating seagulls, we don't have much to worry about.

Benteen: Well, if you ask me, that was a pretty convincing seagull.
Odo: Thank you. Though I'm not sure the gulls would agree.

Doctor Bashir: Good luck.
Odo: I don't believe in luck. But... I appreciate the sentiment.

Odo: [after being subjected to a test series of phaser sweeps] If you want to do any more tests, you'll have to get another guinea pig. I've been shot quite enough for one day.

Captain Sisko: I hope you don't take this the wrong way, Constable. But there are times I wish you'd never found your people.
Odo: Believe me, Captain - sometimes, I feel the same way.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Emissary (#1.1)" (1993)
Commander Benjamin Sisko: It's really quite simple, Quark. You're not going to leave.
Quark: Not going to leave? But we're packed and ready to go.
Commander Benjamin Sisko: Unpack.
Quark: I don't understand, Commander. Why would you want me to stay?
Constable Odo: I'm curious myself. The man is a gambler and a thief.
Quark: I'm not a thief.
Constable Odo: You are a thief!
Quark: If I am, you haven't been able to prove it for four years.

Quark: Commander, I've made a career out of knowing when to leave. And this Bajoran provisional government is far too provisional for my taste. And when governments fall, people like me are lined up and shot.
Commander Benjamin Sisko: There is that risk. But then, you are a gambler, Quark.
Odo: And a thief.
Commander Benjamin Sisko: You know, Quark, that poor boy is about to spend the best years of his life in a Bajoran prison. I'm a father myself. I know what your brother must be going through. The boy should be with his family, not in some cold jail cell. Think about it. It's up to you.
[He exits]
Odo: You know, at first, I didn't think I was going to like him.

Odo: [on seeing Sisko for the first time, annoyed] Who the hell are you?

[Odo's first line of the series]
Odo: Yes, Major?

Odo: Most people in my experience wouldn't know reason if it walked up and shook their hand. You can count Gul Dukat among them.

Commander Benjamin Sisko: My officers, Bajoran engineers, all their families depend on the shops and services of this promenade. If people like you abandon it, this is going to become a ghost town. We need someone to step forward and say "I'm staying. I'm rebuilding". We need a community leader, and it's going to be - you, Quark!
Quark: [guffaws] Community leader!
Odo: Seems reasonable. You have all the character references of a politician.

Major Kira: I cannot justify taking you into this wormhole. We have no idea what we're dealing with in there; it could be hostile...
Odo: Major, I was found in the Denorios Belt. I don't know where I came from. No idea if there are any others like me. All my life I've been forced to pass myself off as one of you, always wondering who I really am. Well, the answers to a lot of my questions may be somewhere on the other side of that wormhole.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Blood Oath (#2.19)" (1994)
[Odo discovers an aged Klingon entered his office undetected while his back was turned]
Odo: How did you get in here?
Koloth: I am Koloth.
Odo: That doesn't answer my question.
Koloth: Yes, it does.

Odo: It's been a Klingon afternoon.
Major Kira: A Klingon afternoon?
Odo: Every time Klingons visit the station, I wind up with a Klingon afternoon.

Odo: Since when did you add ancient Klingon battles to your holosuite programs?
Quark: The captain of the last Klingon ship that went through the wormhole sold some to me.
Odo: Uh-huh.
Quark: I know, I know! It's brutal! It's violent, it's bloody... but to the Klingons, it's entertainment.

[Quark shuts off the holosuite, and Kor storms out, clutching a bottle]
Kor: [drunk] You dare interrupt the Battle of Klach D'Kel Brakt, you Ferengi...?
[while Quark cowers, Odo grabs Kor's hand and gently takes the bottle away]
Odo: The battle is over. The people are waiting to celebrate your victory.
Kor: [brightens] They are? Lead the way, then!

[a drunken Kor is passed out in a holding cell]
Odo: Sir? If you'll wake up, I'll release you into your friend's custody.
Kor: [looks up] Koloth? My old friend! I knew you'd be here.
Koloth: You disgrace yourself, and our purpose! I do not go into battle with one whose honor is washed away is Breshtanti ale!
[to Odo]
Koloth: Keep him!
[Koloth storms out, while Kor passes out again]

[Quark is complaining to Odo about Kor fighting a hopeless battle in his holosuite]
Odo: The battle of Klach D'Kel Brakt is a legendary Klingon victory over the Romulans almost a century ago.
Quark: Well, he's been losing it all afternoon. And he says he's not coming out until he wins! I banged on the door; he sealed himself in. I threatened to shut off the power; he threatened to kill me.
Odo: [with mock sympathy] Ooh!

Odo: Shut off the power.
Quark: He'll kill you.
Odo: No - he said he'll kill *you*.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: What You Leave Behind (#7.25)" (1999)
Jake Sisko: [discussing O'Brien's move to Earth] Any idea where you're gonna live?
O'Brien: No, Keiko and I're still mulling over a few possibilities.
Worf: Have you ever considered Minsk?
O'Brien: I don't think that's on our list.
Sisko: New Orleans is a gorgeous city.
Kasidy Yates: I've heard great things about Paris.
Worf: Minsk.
Lieutenant Ezri Dax: Jadzia loved Rio.
Odo: Well, you've certainly got a lot of choices.
O'Brien: Yeah, too many, hm?
Worf: Minsk.

Odo: Nerys - it's time I rejoined the Great Link.

Quark: A-ha, I knew it! When I saw the two of you slip out, I said to myself, that no-good, misanthropic, cantankerous changeling is trying to sneak off the station without anyone noticing.
Odo: That was the idea.
Quark: Well, it's not gonna happen, is it?
Odo: Apparently not.
Quark: So - now that I'm here... is there something you want to say to me?
Odo: Such as?
Quark: Such as... 'Goodbye. You certainly were a worthy adversary.' Or maybe something with the words 'mutual respect' in it.
Odo: No.
Quark: No? What do you mean, no?
Odo: I mean, no. I have nothing I want to say to you.
Quark: You telling me that after all these years, after all we've been through, you're not even gonna say goodbye to me?
Odo: That's right. Nerys, I'll be on the runabout.
[he utters one last contemptuous grunt and mounts the runabout]
Colonel Kira Nerys: Don't take it hard, Quark.
Quark: Hard? What're you talking about? That man loves me! Couldn't you see? It was written all over his back.

Odo: Nerys, please - tell everyone I'll miss them.
Colonel Kira Nerys: Even Quark?
Odo: Even Quark. But most of all...
Colonel Kira Nerys: I know.

Odo: [after "changing" into a tuxedo] You always said I looked good in a tuxedo.
Colonel Kira Nerys: You do.
Odo: Then this is the way I want you to remember me.
Colonel Kira Nerys: I'll never forget you.
Odo: Goodbye, Nerys.

[Odo's last line of the series]
Odo: Goodbye, Nerys.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: If Wishes Were Horses (#1.15)" (1993)
Odo: Ladies and gentlemen...
[Morn walks by]
Odo: ...and all androgynous creatures, your attention please!

Odo: I have no time for fantasies.
Quark: Yeah - no imagination, huh?
Odo: A waste of time. Too many people dream of places they'll never go, wish for things they'll never have, instead of paying adequate attention to their real lives.

[on a view screen, Odo sees Quark trapped in a holding cell]
Odo: How did you get in there?
Quark: How did I get in here? You put me in here!
Odo: Ah, hm - I guess I did, didn't I?
[chuckles]
Quark: Yeah!
[vanishes from screen]
Odo: No imagination indeed. Ha!

Quark: I could create a shapeshifter playmate for you. The two of you could, uh... intermingle.
Odo: You're disgusting!
Quark: It's a living.

Quark: With all these Hew-mons coming now, the true entrepreneur knows how to sniff the wind. Try it - go ahead.
Odo: I have no sense of smell.
Quark: You don't need one to detect the scent of o-ppor-tunity!

Odo: You're still disgusting.
Quark: Till the day I die.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Civil Defense (#3.7)" (1994)
[Odo and Quark are trapped in Odo's office]
Quark: You're telling me I'm stuck here? With you?
Odo: No, *I'm* stuck here with *you* - believe me, a far worse fate.

Odo: I suppose, during the occupation, the Cardassians considered their security chief a security risk.
Quark: And I know why.
Odo: Oh, do you?
Quark: It's because they knew you were an honorable man - the kind of person who would do the right thing regardless of the circumstances. And now, your integrity is going to get us both killed. I hope you're happy.

Quark: Should've listened to my father. He always warned me this was gonna happen.
Odo: What? That you'd spend your final hours in jail? I could have told you that.

Quark: A lifetime of scheming and plotting, wheeling and dealing, and what has it got me? One measly little bar. My uncle Frin owns thirty, and my cousin Gaila...
Odo: I know, he owns a moon.
Quark: I told you that?
Odo: Many times.

Odo: Quark, I've met a lot of Ferengis in my time. And the truth is, though some of them may have been more wealthy, I've never met one more... devious.
Quark: Really?
Odo: Would I lie?

[last lines]
Quark: [checking out Odo's files] "A self-important con artist who's nowhere near as clever as he thinks he is". That's your official security evaluation of me?
Odo: Quark, I told you to stay away from the computer.
Quark: Two hours ago you told me I was the most devious Ferengi you ever met.
Odo: I thought we were going to die. I was trying to be nice.
Quark: Name one Ferengi who is more devious than I am.
Odo: Grand Nagus.
Quark: All right. Name another.
Odo: DaiMon Tye.
Quark: One you personally know.
Odo: Your brother Rom.
Quark: My brother?
Odo: Your uncle Frin.
Quark: Frin?
Odo: Your cousin Gaila.
Quark: Gaila? The one with the moon?

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Heart of Stone (#3.14)" (1995)
Female Shapeshifter: No Changeling has ever harmed another.
Odo: There's always a first time.

[Odo and Kira are looking for a fugitive on a seismically unstable moon]
Odo: If he's smart, he'll let us find him. A Federation prison would be paradise compared to this place.

[Odo tells Kira about the origin of his name]
Odo: As you know, when Doctor Mora first brought me to his laboratory, it was under Cardassian supervision. All specimens had to be clearly labeled in Cardassian, so the overseers would always know what the scientists were working on. Since no one was exactly sure what I was, Mora labeled me 'Unknown Sample', which the overseer translated into Cardassian as 'Odo'ital'.
Major Kira: So your name is Unknown Sample?
Odo: No, no. 'Odo'ital' literally means the word 'nothing'. Even after it became clear that I was sentient, the Bajoran scientists kept calling me that. As a joke, they split it into two words, like a Bajoran name: Odo Ital. Which eventually got shortened...
Major Kira: ...to Odo.
Odo: But, now, the thing is, for the longest time, whenever anyone would use my name, the first thing I would think of was what it meant, 'nothing'. What better way to describe me? I had no family, no friends, no place where I belonged. I thought it was the most appropriate name anyone could give me. And then I met you...
[long pause]
Odo: ...And the others - Sisko, Dax, even Quark. And now, when I hear one of you call me Odo, I no longer think of myself as nothing. I think of myself as me.

Female Shapeshifter: You really are quite a skillful investigator.
Odo: And you're quite a skillful Changeling.

Odo: But why lead us here? Why replace Major Kira?
Female Shapeshifter: I needed to understand why you chose to live with the Solids rather than your own people. I suspected it had something to do with Major Kira. Now I'm certain of it.

Odo: It's been my observation that you humanoids have a hard time giving up the things you love... no matter how much they might hurt you.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Past Prologue (#1.2)" (1993)
Lursa: Klingons do not surrender their weapons.
Odo: Who are you?
Lursa: We are Lursa and B'Etor, of the House of Duras.
Odo: And we have specific regulations. You can leave the weapons or leave the station - your choice. Please make it now.
B'Etor: Who are you?
Odo: I'm the one giving you the choice.

Commander Sisko: [of Lursa and B'Etor] We've heard they've been trying to raise capital to rebuild their armies. But what are they doing here?
Odo: Sitting. They went straight to Quark's, but not for the gambling - huh - and certainly not for the food. They're just... sitting.

Odo: You know, there's one thing about you humanoids I can't imitate very well.
Major Kira: What's that?
Odo: Pretense. There's a special talent to it. It's as hard for me as creating one of your noses.

Major Kira: Maybe there are still wars to be fought, and I'm just making a fool of myself doing what 'm doing here.
Odo: It sounds like you're trying to talk yourself into something - or out of something?
Major Kira: Either way I have to betray someone.
Odo: The only important thing is not to betray yourself.

Odo: You know, Cardassian rule may have been oppressive, but at least it was... simple.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Facets (#3.25)" (1995)
Odo: [on Jadzia and Leeta] I've noticed they've been spending quite a bit of time together.
Doctor Bashir: Do you keep tabs on everybody, Constable?
Odo: Not everyone. But really, Doctor, two Delvan fluff pastries for breakfast this morning, you of all people should know better than to start your day like that.

[Sisko is to embody the Dax host Joran]
Odo: Are you sure about this, Commander?
Commander Sisko: Don't worry, Odo, Joran isn't going to be able to hurt anyone from inside of a holding cell.
Odo: There's just one problem - you're going to be in there with him.

Quark: Odo? What happened to your face?
Odo: [embodying Curzon] Never mind my face.
[he grabs Quark by the ears and gives him a smacker on his forehead]
Odo: Did I ever mention you're a magnificent scoundrel?

[Curzon has admitted his love for Jadzia]
Odo: [as Curzon] So, now that you know, you can see that it's best for both of us that I stay here, in this body.
Lieutenant Jadzia Dax: Why, because you loved me?
Odo: Because I still love you.
Lieutenant Jadzia Dax: There's no shame in that, Curzon.
Odo: Yes, there is. And if we rejoin, you'll feel it too.
Lieutenant Jadzia Dax: No, I won't. Because I love you. You're a part of me, and I want you back. That way Jadzia and Curzon can be together the way they should be. Through Dax.

[last lines]
Lieutenant Jadzia Dax: You've given me a special gift.
Odo: Oh?
Lieutenant Jadzia Dax: You see... now I have Curzon's memories of what it felt like to be a Changeling. I never realized how much joy it gives you.
Odo: And I never understood how much joy you humanoids experience in things like eating, drinking... staying up all night playing tongo. Frankly, I don't see how Curzon ever managed to get any work done.
Lieutenant Jadzia Dax: He always seemed to, somehow.
Odo: Well... he must've been a remarkable man.
Lieutenant Jadzia Dax: Yes, he is.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Dax (#1.7)" (1993)
Odo: This case has thirty years of dust covering it. The extradition hearing will take about thirty minutes.
Commander Sisko: I was hoping to make it a little longer than that.
Odo: Good luck.

[Quark has refused to close his bar for the extradition hearing out of business reasons]
Odo: Since the provisional government took over, they've got their hands into everything and of course, I'm the one who's expected to enforce their rules here.
Quark: Ha!
Odo: You know, I think this bar is just a little too near the exit.
Quark: This is blackmail.
Odo: No, it's just business. And "business is business".

Odo: It says Dax betrayed the Klaestron government to the rebels.
Commander Sisko: It's all nonsense, Constable, I'm telling you, I knew the man!
Odo: But did you know the symbiont *inside* the man?

Odo: Treason plus the murder of his own best friend, huh - strange business. If those charges *are* true, I'd want to hang Curzon Dax up by his heels myself.
Commander Sisko: Thanks for the confidence.

Enina Tandro: My husband was not the hero in life that he was in death, Mr. Odo. In death, he became a legend, and I became a legend's wife. There're people who didn't even know my husband, who still contact me. Decades after his death, they still mourn him.
Odo: But you don't?
Enina Tandro: No. Because I knew the man before he became a legend. But I also know my place in history. My place is to carry on bravely, never to remarry, to represent my husband at the banquets given in his name, but never, never to talk about who he really was. Because nobody wants to hear that.
Odo: They may have to hear it now.
Enina Tandro: [smiling wryly] No matter what is said, they will still embrace his memory. For he was, and always will be, the hero who died for his people.
Enina Tandro: [after a pause] But perhaps it's time for my place in history to change.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: The Circle (#2.2)" (1993)
[after Quark informs Odo who is supplying The Circle with weapons, but refuses to try and find out more]
Odo: Quark, I hate to do this, but I guess I'll have to...
Quark: That's not fair!
Odo: I haven't done anything yet.
Quark: Whatever you're going to do, it's not fair!
Odo: You're a deputy.
Quark: It's not - what?
Odo: You're a deputy. I want you to find out where the weapons are going on Bajor. Meanwhile, I'm going to find out exactly where they're coming from.
Quark: You and me, a team?
Odo: That's right.
[Quark bursts out laughing, bowing over the chair in hysterics, then sobers]
Quark: Uh, goodbye.
Odo: Either that or I'm putting you in a cell.
Quark: *That's* not fair. On what charge?
Odo: Impeding an investigation. Unless you want to reveal the identities of the people you've been talking to.
Quark: You know I can't do that.
Odo: It's your choice. You're a deputy or you're a prisoner.
Quark: [with fake enthusiasm] I'm a deputy.

Quark: It's over.
Odo: What're you talking about?
Quark: Everything. Bajor, the provisional government, the Federation being here, all of it. We got to leave. Well, I do anyway. You can just turn into a couch.

Odo: You're not...!
Major Kira: Leaving? I really don't have much choice, do I?
Odo: You're not just leaving, Major, you're surrendering.
Major Kira: You break the rules, you pay.
Odo: Wait a minute, I wanna be sure I heard that correctly. Because it doesn't sound like the Kira Nerys who has made a career out of breaking the rules.
Major Kira: Well, I guess I broke one too many.
Odo: [incensed] Major, you've been breaking one too many for fourteen and a half years! Cardassian rules, Bajoran rules, Federation rules, they're all meaningless to you. Because you have a personal code, that's always mattered more. And I'm sorry to say, you're in slim company.
Major Kira: [softly] I'll miss you too, Odo.

Doctor Bashir: [to Kira] I came to give you my best.
Lieutenant Jadzia Dax: Well, that's rather dull.
Doctor Bashir: I beg your pardon?
Major Kira: Dull is a polite word for it.
Odo: Doctor, if you were Kira, wouldn't you at least be complaining to Commander Sisko?
Doctor Bashir: Look, I just wanted to wish you good luck.
Major Kira: Thank you, Doctor!
Doctor Bashir: Complaining, about what?
Odo: Never mind, Doctor. If she doesn't care, why should we?
Doctor Bashir: Have they given you any reason yet?
Lieutenant Jadzia Dax: Did they give you any alternative?
Major Kira: I do care. - No, they haven't. - No, they didn't. I... I really ought to finish packing!

Odo: Idiotic bureaucracy! Now I suppose they'll expect me to break in a new man!
Major Kira: A great man. Li Nalas can handle the job, believe me.
Odo: Well, you did fairly well at it once I smoothed your rough edges.
Major Kira: [surprised] Ha!
Odo: What's so funny?
Major Kira: [amused] I thought *you* did fairly well - once I smoothed *your* rough edges.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Apocalypse Rising (#5.1)" (1996)
Captain Sisko: Starfleet has ordered us to try to expose the Gowron Changeling. I want you to come with us.
Odo: Hm... Maybe it would be better for you to take Deputy Yndar. There's nothing I can do that he can't.
Captain Sisko: I don't need Yndar, I need you.
Odo: What you need is someone who can turn into Gowron's pet targ. I can't do that anymore.

[Worf is testing his comrades' Klingon reactions]
Worf: Are you a Klingon warrior or an Alverian dung beetle?
Odo: [as Kodrak] I really don't see the point.
Worf: Do not look away from me! I called you a dung beetle.
Odo: I heard you.
Worf: And what is your response?
Odo: You should have your eyes examined.

O'Brien: You know, I think I'm actually beginning to like bloodwine.
Odo: It's really not too bad - except for the taste.

Odo: It's a pity it doesn't have any bubbles.

Martok: [watching Worf fight Gownron] What's he doing? Why doesn't Sisko just shoot him?
Odo: I have a better question. Why isn't Gowron letting his bodyguards kill Worf? I'll tell you why: Klingon honor, a concept you should be very familiar with. My people, on the other hand, don't care about honor. What was it you said "There will be no honorable combat, no formal challenges"? Hardly the words of a Klingon. Tell me, general, did Gowron destroy the polaron emitters or did you?
Martok: [gives a look that tells us he knows he's been made]

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: In the Hands of the Prophets (#1.19)" (1993)
Odo: What do you know about the murder of Ensign Aquino?
Quark: You wound me. All these years together I thought you knew me. Odo, I am not a killer!
Odo: No, but most of your friends are.
Quark: True, and I would gladly sell one of them to you if I could. But unfortunately, none of them are taking credit for the death of the Starfleet officer - sorry.

Odo: Keep your ears open.
Quark: Are you kidding? That's the Seventh Rule of Acquisition.

Odo: I've checked the turbolift records the night of the murder. Aquino did take a turbolift to level three but not to the power conduit where he was found.
Major Kira: Where did he go?
Odo: Runabout pad C.
Chief O'Brien: A runabout? What was he doing in a runabout at four in the morning?
Odo: Apparently he was getting murdered.

[a group of Bajorans have arrived at the station]
Quark: Don't tell me - there's a Bajoran convention on this station I didn't know about? Thanks, Odo! I need to call in more dabo girls.
Odo: It's not a convention. They're from an orthodox spiritual order coming to support Vedek Winn's efforts to keep the Bajoran children out of school.
Quark: Orthodox? In that case I'll need twice as many dabo girls. The spiritual types love those dabo girls!

Bajoran Vendor: Seek the Prophets!
Odo: [growling under his breath] Seek them yourself.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Let He Who Is Without Sin... (#5.7)" (1996)
[first lines]
Odo: So, what do you think of the O'Briens' plan to name their baby 'Sean'?
Captain Sisko: I kind of like it; 'Sean' - has a nice ring to it.
Odo: Except that in Bajoran, 'shawn' means 'swamp'.
Captain Sisko: The O'Briens know that?
Odo: I doubt it.
Captain Sisko: Someone should tell them.
Odo: I nominate you.

Captain Sisko: I can't believe you actually convinced Worf to go to a pleasure planet. He must really be loosening up.
Odo: I hadn't noticed it.
Captain Sisko: Come to think of it, neither have I.
Lt. Commander Jadzia Dax: Oh no, he's still the same old Worf.
[Worf enters the replimat and goes to the replicator]
Lt. Commander Worf: Prune juice, extra large!
Lt. Commander Jadzia Dax: See what I mean?

[Dax is complaining about the eighth muscle pull within a month]
Odo: Actually, I believe Commander Dax has been treated for seven muscle pulls, two contusions and three cracked ribs. The only person who spent more time in the infirmary over the past few weeks is Commander Worf.
Captain Sisko: [to Dax] Isn't there any way that... the two of you could, um... erm... you know...
Lt. Commander Jadzia Dax: Make love?
Captain Sisko: ...without injuring yourselves?
Lt. Commander Jadzia Dax: Interspecies romance isn't without its danger. That's part of the fun.

Lt. Commander Jadzia Dax: Worf's upset because I had lunch with Captain Boday.
Odo: The Gallamite?
Lt. Commander Worf: His skull is transparent.
Lt. Commander Jadzia Dax: And if you couldn't see his brains, would it make you feel any better?

[Dax and Worf intend to go on vacation on Risa]
Odo: From what I hear, Risa makes the Hoobishan Baths look like a monastery.
Captain Sisko: I hope they have a good hospital.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Meridian (#3.8)" (1994)
Major Kira: Odo, I know you don't need to eat. But did you ever try it anyway?
Odo: Once, not long after I was first able to assume the humanoid form.
Major Kira: And?
Odo: And since I don't have taste buds, it was very unsatisfying, not to mention... messy.
Major Kira: Messy?
Odo: I'd rather not talk about it.

Major Kira: [introducing] This is Tiron, a... business associate of Quark's. This is Odo - my lover.
Tiron: Well... You're a very lucky man.
Major Kira: I'm... a lucky woman.
Odo: [bewildered] Yes - we're both very lucky.

Tiron: So, Mr. Odo, what is it that you do?
Odo: I'm Chief of Security on this station.
Tiron: Oh. A station this size must be a very challenging job. I hope you're well compensated.
Major Kira: Oh, money doesn't matter. All we need is each other. Isn't that right - sweetheart?
Odo: Yes - sweetheart.

Major Kira: What do you think you're doing, Quark?
Quark: Nothing.
Odo: Ha!
Major Kira: Then what's this?
Quark: Oh, you mean this holo-imager? I was just recording the image of the Promenade to send home to my mother.
Odo: Ha!
Major Kira: You're trying to take a holo-scan of me, and I wanna know why.
Quark: Of you? Not at all! You just happened to get in the frame.
Odo: Ha!
Quark: Will you stop doing that?
Odo: Not until you start telling the truth.

Quark: Isn't there some petty thief you can harass?
Odo: Just you.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: The Search: Part 1 (#3.1)" (1994)
[Quark is pestering Odo with his chatter until he reaches breaking point]
Odo: [snarling] I have no interest in speaking to you, or in listening to your witless prattle! So stay out of my way, or you'll regret the day you ever met me!

Odo: You needn't brace yourself to give me unpleasant news, Commander, I'll save you the trouble: I've been relieved as Chief of Security!
[walks out]
Commander Sisko: [goes after him] Odo, wait! You've not been relieved. You're still in charge of all non-Starfleet security matters aboard this station.
Odo: And what about matters that *are* Starfleet?
Commander Sisko: In those areas you coordinate your efforts with Commander Eddington.
Odo: [scoffs] 'Coordinate' is another way of saying I'll report to *him*!

Major Kira: Maybe it's time to stop brooding, and start talking.
Odo: Are you the ship's counselor now?
Major Kira: No. I'm your friend. You know, the one who comes to you when she needs help.

Odo: The Omarion Nebula!

[Odo has rescued Kira from the Jem'Hadar and escaped with her in a shuttle]
Major Kira: Where are we?
Odo: We're approaching the Omarion Nebula.
Major Kira: You should have taken us back to the wormhole.
Odo: You didn't object at the time.
Major Kira: I was unconscious!

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Behind the Lines (#6.4)" (1997)
Odo: To become a thing is to know a thing.
Female Shapeshifter: To assume its form is to begin to understand its existence.

Odo: When you return to the link, what will become of the entity I'm talking to right now?
Female Shapeshifter: The drop becomes the ocean.
Odo: And if you choose to take solid form again?
Female Shapeshifter: The ocean becomes a drop.

Odo: [of Kira] I'm so vulnerable to her. All she has to do is smile at me and I'm happy beyond reason. A minor disagreement between us and I'm devastated. It's absurd. Sometimes I wish I could reach inside myself and tear out my feelings for her. But I can't.

Major Kira: Rom is sitting in a holding cell, being interrogated. He was counting on you. *I* was counting on you!
Odo: I know.
Major Kira: You know? Do you realize what you just did? You just handed the Alpha Quadrant to the Dominion.
Odo: I was in the link.
Major Kira: Are you saying you forgot?
Odo: I didn't forget. It just didn't seem to matter.
Major Kira: A lot of people are going to die. Don't you care?
Odo: It has nothing to do with me.

[last lines]
Female Shapeshifter: You look troubled, Odo. Did she upset you?
Odo: No - not really.
Female Shapeshifter: Ah.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Visionary (#3.17)" (1995)
Major Kira: ...And then... What's his name?
Odo: Ruwon?
Major Kira: Ruwon... started to insinuate that... you were...
Odo: That I was what?
Major Kira: Interested in me.
Odo: [alarmed] He said that?
Major Kira: Have you ever heard anything more...
Odo: Ridiculous?
Major Kira: Exactly!

Odo: I plan to investigate the Klingons, the Bajorans, Quark, the visiting Terrellians...
Commander Sisko: You think Quark had something to do with this?
Odo: I always investigate Quark.

Odo: [after a lengthy derivation] The three Klingons now on the station are part of a covert strike force that reports directly to the Klingon High Council.
Commander Sisko: Why didn't you just say so?
Odo: Well, sometimes I have to remind you just how good I am.

Odo: I think I can question them until the Romulan delegation leaves the station.
Commander Sisko: Just be careful.
Odo: Commander, there is no careful way to question a Klingon.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: The Passenger (#1.8)" (1993)
Quark: [of Dax] Poor woman. She's obviously infatuated with me.
Odo: [scoffs] You're deluding yourself.
Quark: There's nothing wrong with a good delusion. I sell them upstairs to dozens of people every day. Besides, there is something in her eyes when she looks at me.
Odo: Hmm - an allergic reaction no doubt.

Quark: It's good to want things.
Odo: Even things you can't have?
Quark: Especially things I can't have.

Ty Kajada: What kind of fool are you?
Odo: My own special variety.

Odo: I'm watching you, Quark.
Quark: And I'm watching you, Jadzia.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: A Man Alone (#1.3)" (1993)
Odo: I'll never understand the humanoid need to... 'couple.'
Quark: You've never... coupled?
Odo: Choose not to. Too many compromises. You want to watch the karo-net tournament; she wants to listen to music, so you compromise - you listen to music. You like Earth Jazz; she prefers Klingon Opera so you compromise - you listen to Klingon Opera. So here you were ready to have a nice night watching the karo-net match and you wind up spending an agonizing evening listening to Klingon Opera.

Commander Sisko: Mr. Odo, you're not going to take the law into your own hands.
Odo: The law? Commander, laws change, depending on who's making them - Cardassians one day, Federation the next. But justice is justice.

Major Kira: Wait a minute - Ibudan goes into the holosuite alone, locks the door. Nobody transports in, a few minutes later he is murdered. How's that possible?
Odo: It's not. Unless the murder was committed by someone who could get through the cracks in the door - say, a shape-shifter.

Odo: Quark - think you could use a shape-shifter in your organization?
Quark: [looks at Odo puzzled, then laughs nervously] You had me going.
Odo: I did, didn't I?

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Dramatis Personae (#1.17)" (1993)
Doctor Bashir: Just don't be surprised if the uneasy alliance on this station starts to show a few cracks.
Odo: What uneasy alliance?
Doctor Bashir: Commander Sisko... and Kira. Mark my words, there's going to be trouble.

Odo: Are you finished with me?
Doctor Bashir: Unless you'd like to pour yourself through my foretic analyzer. I'd love to see the results.

Odo: The Klingon, Doctor, what did you find?
Doctor Bashir: He's still dead, if that's what you mean.

Odo: Welcome back, everybody.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Paradise Lost (#4.11)" (1996)
Odo: And are you sure that this cadet is telling the truth?
Captain Sisko: He admitted to committing acts of treason against the Federation. If he was going to lie, I think he would have made up a better story.

Captain Sisko: These aren't evil people, Odo. These are people I've worked with. They're my friends - people I respect. How can I turn against them?
Odo: It seems to me, if they have committed treason against the Federation, the Federation that you swore to protect - you won't be turning against them. *They* will have turned against you.

Joseph Sisko: [on the Starfleet troops] The streets are gonna seem emptier with them gone.
Odo: Would you be happier if they'd stayed?
Joseph Sisko: Oh, if they'd stayed it wouldn't be Earth anymore, would it? It didn't seem right, all those phasers everywhere.

Odo: Am I the only one who's worried that there are still Changelings here on Earth?
Joseph Sisko: Worried? I'm scared to death. But I'll be damned if I'm gonna let them change the way I live my life.
Captain Sisko: If the Changelings want to destroy what we've built here, they're going to have to do it themselves. We will not do it for them.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Tribunal (#2.25)" (1994)
Odo: May I ask, what penalty does Mr. O'Brien face?
Makbar: His execution is scheduled for next week.
Keiko O'Brien: How can you schedule an execution before a trial even begins?
Makbar: We believe in swift justice.

Odo: Being accused of a crime is not a disgrace, Chief. Some of the great figures of history have shared the honor with you.
Chief O'Brien: I didn't figure on dying a martyr.
Odo: Not all of them were martyrs; not all of them died. Some of them were just innocent men - like you.

Makbar: Do not try the patience of the Cardassian people. If this court finds you in contempt, you'll find the punishment very unpleasant.
Odo: I regret that I have no teeth to offer your Bureau of Identification.

[O'Brien has been released]
Kovat: [stammering] I... What happened? What's...?
Odo: You won.
Kovat: I... They'll kill me.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Covenant (#7.9)" (1998)
Odo: I have a feeling it must be very comforting to believe in something more powerful than yourself.

Odo: How was it?
Colonel Kira: Oh, beautiful. Ranjen Telna gave a very moving sermon.
Lieutenant Ezri Dax: What was it about?
Colonel Kira: About how important it is to forgive the people who've wronged you.

[Odo has suggested to accompany Kira to the Bajoran services]
Colonel Kira: I would love for you to come with me. But I don't think you'll get much out of it if you don't believe in the Prophets.
Odo: Ah... Perhaps if I had an orb experience.
Colonel Kira: It doesn't work like that. Faith has to come first.

[last lines]
Colonel Kira: I know this is gonna sound crazy; but I think Dukat convinced himself that he was doing what the Pah-wraiths wanted.
Odo: [sighs] Who knows? Maybe he was.
Colonel Kira: Either way, he believes. And that makes him more dangerous than ever.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: The Die Is Cast (#3.21)" (1995)
Odo: Garak, this is pointless. There's nothing I can tell you about the Founders that you don't already know.
Elim Garak: I wish I could believe that.
Odo: Then why don't you?
Elim Garak: Because you and I are so alike. We both value our privacy, our secrets. That's why I know there's something about the Founders you haven't told anyone, something you didn't even share with Starfleet and Commander Sisko. Hm? But you are going to tell *me*, Odo.
Odo: There's nothing to tell!
Elim Garak: Well, perhaps something will come to you. I can wait. The question is - can you?

Odo: They're still my people. I tried to deny it, I tried to forget. But I can't! They're my people, and I want to be with them, in the Great Link!

[last lines]
Odo: Garak... I was thinking that you and I should have breakfast together sometime.
Elim Garak: Why, Constable - I thought you didn't eat.
Odo: I don't.

Elim Garak: [Enters with two Romulans] I realized it must be nearly time for you to return to your liquid state, so I thought I'd bring you something to relax in.
[Gives him a bowl]
Odo: [Dubious] How kind...
Elim Garak: But before you go for a swim, I have some questions I'd like to ask you.
Odo: I have nothing to say.
Elim Garak: Well I had hoped a few hours alone would jog your memory but I see that I'm going to have to take some steps I had hoped to avoid.
[the Romulans set up a device on the table]
Odo: [Heavily sarcastic] Oh no... You're going to *torture* me, aren't you? How I've been dreading this! *Please* have mercy Garak!

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Sanctuary (#2.10)" (1993)
[a Skrreean ship has arrived at DS9]
Odo: What seems to be the trouble, Commander?
Commander Sisko: The computer's having a hard time translating their language.
Odo: I can see how that would be a problem.

[Quark is complaining to Odo about the Skrreeans]
Odo: They won't be here long.
Quark: I hope not. They're driving my paying customers away. They stay here too long and I'll be out of business.
Odo: In that case, I hope they'll never leave.
[smirks]

Haneek: [of the T-Rogorans] For eight centuries my people have lived under their rule. We've been forced to work as laborers and servants. We were able to escape when the T-Rogorans were invaded and conquered.
Odo: Who conquered them?
Haneek: I do not know their name. I only know they were members of something called 'The Dominion'.

Odo: It's gonna get awfully crowded around here, Commander.
Commander Sisko: I know, Constable, but it's worth it. Just look at them. They're experiencing their first taste of freedom.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Call to Arms (#5.26)" (1997)
Odo: The Dominion is making impressive inroads in the Alpha-Quadrant.

[Odo explains to Kira that he will refrain from trying to develop their relationship further for the time being]
Odo: Until the current crisis has passed, we both need our minds to be clear, to be free of any unnecessary distractions.
Major Kira: That's probably a good idea... So for now, all we need to concern ourselves with is deploying the minefield, maintaining station security and preparing ourselves for a possible invasion.
Odo: Hm... Well, I don't know about you - but I feel more comfortable already.

Garak: When the Klingons attacked the station, Gul Dukat and I were fighting side by side. At one point, he turned his back to me, and I must admit that for a moment, he made a very tempting target.
Odo: You'd shoot a man in the back?
Garak: Well, it's the safest way, isn't it?

[Garak tells Odo how he once spared Dukat's life against his better judgment]
Odo: And now you regret it.
Garak: Ah, my dear Constable - before this day is over, everyone on this station is going to regret it.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Badda-Bing, Badda-Bang (#7.15)" (1999)
Tony Cicci: So where're you from again?
Odo: Bajor.
Tony Cicci: That's in Jersey, right?
Odo: Right.

Nog: Uh-oh...
Odo: What do you mean, "uh-oh"? We don't have time for "uh-oh".

Odo: Say goodbye to Frankie Eyes.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Tears of the Prophets (#6.26)" (1998)
Major Kira: Now I know why you've been avoiding me for the past few days.
Odo: I haven't been avoiding you. I've been helping you to avoid me.

Odo: You know, Nerys - observing humanoid relationships and being in one... are very different things.

Major Kira: [looking over Sisko's abandoned desk] I was afraid of that. He's not sure he's coming back.
Odo: What makes you say that?
Major Kira: His baseball - he took it with him.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Shadows and Symbols (#7.2)" (1998)
Cretak: I would hate to see you throw your life away.
Colonel Kira: Your concern is touching, Senator - but I'm not dead yet. End transmission.
Odo: [off line] At least not for another six minutes.

Odo: [to Kira] I was hoping that our relationship was going to be a long and happy one, but I suppose I'm willing to settle for short and exciting.

[last lines]
Ensign Ezri Dax: [arriving on DS9] Odo! Nerys, Julian, it's so good to see you. Worf, we need to talk!
Doctor Bashir: Who's that?
Jake Sisko: It's Dax.
Lt. Commander Worf: Dax?
Jake Sisko: That's right. Ezri Dax. Incredible, isn't it?
Lt. Commander Worf: It cannot be.
Quark: She's so much... shorter!
Odo: Just when you thought things couldn't get more interesting...

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Who Mourns for Morn? (#6.12)" (1998)
Quark: [about Morn] People love him. He's like a mascot. Everyone who comes in here expects to see him, and if they don't it doesn't feel like home to them.
Odo: [knowingly] And that's not good for business.
Quark: The last time he went away, my sales dropped almost five percent.

Quark: Morn slept in... mud?
Odo: Mmm. I'm told it's excellent for the skin.

Quark: Someone's extracted all the latinum! There's nothing here but worthless gold!
Odo: And it's all yours!
[chuckles]

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Trials and Tribble-ations (#5.6)" (1996)
Worf: Where did you get that... 'thing'?
Odo: From a man named Cyrano Jones. He told me tribbles like everyone. This one doesn't seem to like you.
Worf: [shouting] The feeling's...
Worf: [composing himself; softer] ... is mutual. They are detestable creatures!
Odo: Hm... interesting. It's been my observation that most humanoids love soft furry animals; especially if they make pleasing sounds...

Doctor Bashir: Clearly we've been going about this search business all wrong, Chief.
O'Brien: You're right. Why bother searching thirty decks when you can just plunk yourself down at the bar here and wait for Darvin to come to you?
Odo: We have reason to believe that he'll return to this area.
Doctor Bashir: Ah...!
O'Brien: Ah, yes, the raktajino.
Doctor Bashir: A vital clue that others might have missed. How fortunate it is that it has kept you stuck at this bar for the past three hours having drinks, while we've been crawling through conduits.

Odo: Tell me, do they still sing songs of the Great Tribble Hunt?

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Take Me Out to the Holosuite (#7.4)" (1998)
Captain Sisko: [shouting] You stole the run from us! You stole it just as if you reached up and tore it off the score board!
[begins poking Odo in the chest]
Captain Sisko: You stole it from us!
Odo: You - you're out of here!
Captain Sisko: What?
Odo: No player shall at any time make contact with the umpire in any manner. The prescribed penalty for the violation is immediate ejection from the game. Rule Number 4.06, subsection a, paragraph four. Look it up, but do it in the stands. You're GONE!

Captain Solok: Umpire, this is completely improper.
[Grabs Odo and turns him around]
Captain Solok: The game is not over!
[suddenly realizes he's touching Odo. Odo smiles slightly]
Odo: YOU'RE GONE!

[Sisko has recruited Odo to fill the post of the umpire in their baseball game]
Captain Sisko: Remember, the game is in less than two weeks, so you better start to, er, work on your moves.
Odo: My "moves"?

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Children of Time (#5.22)" (1997)
Major Kira: Praying over your own grave... it's got to be a new one.
Odo: Yeah... If the Prophets were listening they're probably very confused.

Major Kira: I've always believed that we're all given one destiny - one path. And now we're using technology to get around that... I'm not sure how it makes me feel.
Odo: I know exactly how it makes me feel. You can't know how much it means to me to know you're going home, Nerys. Now, it won't change anything for me. I lost you two hundred years ago. But for the other Odo up on the ship it changes everything. He doesn't have to lose you. And somehow, knowing that makes me feel better.

Odo: There's something else the other Odo wanted you to know... He was responsible for changing the Defiant's flight plan.
[long pause]
Major Kira: Why?
Odo: So that you wouldn't have to die.
Major Kira: I can't believe it. EIGHT THOUSAND PEOPLE!
Odo: He did it for you, Nerys. He loved you.
Major Kira: That makes it right?
Odo: I don't know. He thought so.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Melora (#2.6)" (1993)
Quark: [of Fallit Kot] He threatened to kill me.
[Odo answers with a broad smile]
Quark: What?
Odo: Nothing. Just a passing thought.
Quark: Odo, he means it! Nothing I do seems to change his mind. You've got to do something.
Odo: I'll do my job, Quark.
Quark: Yeah...
[leaves Odo's office]
Odo: Unfortunately...

Odo: I suggest you carry a combadge with you at all times. Call me at the first sign of trouble.
Quark: What if the first sign is the last sign?
Odo: You people sell pieces of yourself after you die, don't you?
Quark: Yes.
Odo: I'll buy one.

Odo: We have something in common.
Fallit Kot: We do?
Odo: I don't like Quark either. But I can't let you kill him.
Fallit Kot: Kill him? Did he tell you I was going to do that?
Odo: I know of your history together.
Fallit Kot: Let bygones be bygones, I always say.
Odo: And I always say, you can tell a man's intentions by the way he walks.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: The Adversary (#3.26)" (1995)
[O'Brien is faced with two Odos]
Odo II: You'd better make a decision. We're running out of time.
Chief O'Brien: I 've got more important things to do than play 'choose the changeling'!

Odo: In the history of my people, no changeling has ever harmed another. I'd hate to be the first.
Michael Eddington: Apparently that changeling doesn't feel the same way. If we don't stop him, no one on board will escape unharmed, including you.
Odo: You may be right. But I've been a security officer most of my humanoid existence; and in all that time I've never found it necessary to fire a weapon or take a life. I don't intend to start now.

[last lines]
Odo: Captain, there's something you need to know. The changeling, before he... died - he whispered something to me.
Captain Sisko: Go on.
Odo: He said..."You're too late. We're everywhere."

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: The Homecoming (#2.1)" (1993)
Quark: Really Odo, sometimes I think there's no pleasing you! I help you crack a notorious smuggling ring, and yet you still insist on treating me like the enemy?
Odo: You *are* the enemy.

Quark: From now on, you and I are going to be friends.
Odo: You're up to something.
Quark: Why would you say that?
Odo: Because you're always up to something.

Chief O'Brien: [on the graffiti of the Circle on DS9] If they think scrawling a few signs is gonna get rid of us, they got another thing coming.
Commander Sisko: Right now, they're just trying to show us that we're vulnerable.
Odo: I wouldn't be overly concerned, Commander; this section is a low security area.
Commander Sisko: As of now, Constable, there are no low securities on this station.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Sons of Mogh (#4.14)" (1996)
Lt. Commander Worf: I am indebted to you.
Odo: Yes, you are. And Mr. Worf - you'll find I'm a man who collects on his debts.

Odo: Well, your brother's had an interesting career with the Klingon Defense Forces, Mr. Worf. I have just one question: does he know how to use the 'stun'-setting on a disruptor?

[Kurn has been assigned to Odo's security team]
Odo: I'd say your brother's doing well, Commander. He's been on the job six hours, he's only killed four Boslics so far.
[humor Odo-style]

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: ...Nor the Battle to the Strong (#5.4)" (1996)
[Quark has tried to replicate a decaffeinated variety of raktajino, yet with little success]
Quark: The removal of caffeine from beverages has plagued bartenders and restaurateurs for centuries. You can't expect me to solve it overnight.
Chief O'Brien: I'm not paying for that!
Odo: So much for 'Quarktajino'.

Odo: Solid! I wonder why my people use that term. Humanoid bodies are so fragile.
Captain Sisko: Yes, they are... And there are a lot of ways you can get hurt.

Odo: I never realized how stressful it is to be a parent. I have to say, I don't think it's for me.
Captain Sisko: That's your choice. But you don't know what you're missing.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: The Sound of Her Voice (#6.25)" (1998)
Major Kira: I don't know, Odo - you sure you wanna let him get away with smuggling Denevan crystals?
Odo: I owe him one. So he'll get this one - but *just* this one.

Major Kira: Why is it every time I think I have you figured out you do something to surprise me? Like tonight - where did you get the idea to celebrate our one-month anniversary in Paris?
Odo: Well - some mysteries are better left unsolved.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Sacrifice of Angels (#6.6)" (1997)
Odo: Never underestimate the element of surprise.

Major Kira: [after Odo has rescued Kira and her resistance group] What about the Link?
Odo: The Link... was paradise. But it appears I'm not ready for paradise.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: In Purgatory's Shadow (#5.14)" (1997)
Lt. Commander Jadzia Dax: What about Worf?
Odo: If we close the wormhole, he and Garak will be trapped in the Gamma Quadrant.
Gul Dukat: Casualties of war.

Major Kira: I bet you can't wait to put all this together so you can start shape-shifting around the room again.
Odo: Oh, I suppose... though I did enjoy sleeping in a bed.
Major Kira: Well, there's nothing to stop you from sleeping in a bed if you want to.
Odo: Except that now when I'm asleep, I tend to revert to my gelatinous state and slide onto the floor.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Field of Fire (#7.13)" (1999)
[the crew are analyzing Illario's death]
Chief O'Brien: [scanning the corpse] That's odd... According to these readings, the bullet only traveled eight or nine centimeters.
Captain Sisko: Then the killer must have fired at point blank range.
Odo: I don't think so. There are no powder burns on the body.
Doctor Bashir: What are powder burns?
Odo: At close range, chemically propelled weapons leave residual combustion products on the skin and clothing of the victims.
Captain Sisko: How did you know that?
Odo: I read 20th century crime novels - Raymond Chandler, Mike Hammer, that sort of thing.

Odo: [to Dax, in her dream] I'm sorry, Lieutenant. There's nothing more annoying than a corpse with a mind of its own.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: The Dogs of War (#7.24)" (1999)
Odo: They used me as an instrument to try to commit genocide. Now, we may be at war with the Founders, but that's no excuse.

Odo: Interesting, isn't it? The Federation claims to abhor Section 31's tactics. But when they need their dirty work done, they look the other way. It's a tidy little arrangement, wouldn't you say?

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: The Siege (#2.3)" (1993)
[Odo leads Quark into ops]
Odo: He's been brokering seats on the evacuation vessels.
Commander Sisko: Where did you get more seats?
Quark: Everybody always asks the brokers where they get their extra seats; and all I can say, this is my business to find preferred seating for select listed clients...
Commander Sisko: [grabs Quark by his throat] I have got more than 200 people who want to get off this station. Where did you get more seats?
Quark: A few trades... A person here or there who changed his mind about leaving at the sight of a reasonable stipend.
Dr. Julian Bashir: [over comm] Bashir to Commander Sisko.
Commander Sisko: Go ahead.
Dr. Julian Bashir: We're having a bit of a panic at the airlock, sir. Far more passengers than we can handle have shown up, and they all claim to have made arrangements to leave.
Quark: I might have overbooked slightly...

Quark: Hey, Odo! You'll miss me. You know you will, say it.
Odo: I'll miss you, Quark.
Quark: [stunned] You said it!
Odo: I'll miss the aggravation, the petty theft, the bad manners...
Quark: Odo - take care of yourself.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: For the Uniform (#5.13)" (1997)
[Sisko is trying to arrest a former security officer turned traitor]
Odo: Sir, have you ever reminded Starfleet Command that they stationed Eddington here because they didn't trust me?
Sisko: No.
Odo: Please do.

Odo: I remembered something that Eddington once said to me: the best place to hide something is in plain sight.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Extreme Measures (#7.23)" (1999)
[Odo is dying of the Founder's disease, lying in sickbay]
Odo: I want - you - to leave.
Colonel Kira: Why?
Odo: You watched Bareil... die in this very room. I know how that's haunted you, and... I don't want your last memory of me... to be witnessing my death.
Colonel Kira: Isn't that my choice?
Odo: Maybe it is. And maybe I'm being selfish telling you all the things I want. But I don't want... the last thing I see... to be... pain in your eyes.
Colonel Kira: You'd be surprised how well I can hide my feelings, when I need to.
Odo: Not from me.

Colonel Kira: I've got so much to say, I... I don't know where to begin.
Odo: Just say you love me. That's all I've ever cared about.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: To the Death (#4.22)" (1996)
Weyoun: Your people... want you to come home, Odo. No matter what differences you may have with them, no matter what mistakes you may have made, they still love you.
Odo: Well, maybe they do. But I don't love them.
Weyoun: You're lying. And you're not very good at it. I on the other hand am an expert at lies, both in telling them and in spotting them...

Toman'torax: It is our duty to punish those who would break their vow of loyalty.
Odo: Are you accusing me of something?
Omet'iklan: It is not for us to accuse a god of betraying heaven. The gods themselves will sit in judgment over you.
Odo: I'm no god, and neither are the Founders. The sooner you realize that, the better off you'll be.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Little Green Men (#4.7)" (1995)
[giving Morn instructions on how to run his bar while he's away]
Quark: Now remember: don't extend any lines of credit, don't touch the dabo girls, and make sure you keep your eyes on *him*.
[points out Odo]
Quark: ...because he'll be keeping his eyes on *you*.
[Odo approaches]
Odo: Good choice, Quark. I'm sure Morn will do an excellent job, as long as he doesn't drink up all your profits.
Quark: Better him than one of my Ferengi waiters. They'd rob me blind.

Quark: These Humans, they're nothing like the ones from the Federation. They're crude, gullible and greedy.
Odo: You mean, like you?
Quark: Yeah! These are Humans I can understand - and manipulate.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: The Reckoning (#6.21)" (1998)
Major Kira: "Will the Romulans leave Benzar?" You love to bring up the worst case scenario in these meetings, don't you?
Odo: Somebody has to. Besides, everyone expects me to be dour and suspicious; I don't want to disappoint them.
Major Kira: If only they knew the real you.
Odo: That is the real me - at least as far as everyone else is concerned.

Major Kira: [about faith] I just don't know how people make it through the day without it.
Odo: We manage. Besides, I do have faith in some things.
Major Kira: Hmm. Such as?
Odo: You.
Major Kira: [smiles] I'll try not to disappoint you.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Shattered Mirror (#4.19)" (1996)
[Jake feels uneasy about being spotted by Odo on the promenade]
Jake Sisko: You always used to chase me away.
Odo: I never chased you away, I chased Nog. You just happened to be with him. So, unless you are planning on flicking sand peas at the passing throng, you are welcome to stay here as long as you like.

Quark: I suppose that's what you get for having friends.
Odo: Meaning what?
Quark: Just that - when you think you can count on them they go off and leave you. No, you're much better off without them.
Odo: Well, I imagine that's why you don't have any friends.
Quark: Look who's talking!

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Image in the Sand (#7.1)" (1998)
Odo: A lot of people feel abandoned by the Prophets.
Colonel Kira: Believe me, I know how they feel. It's no excuse to turn to hate and fear.
Odo: In times of trouble, some people find comfort in hate and fear.

Odo: Nerys - I realize that things may seem bleak at the moment; but there's always hope.
Colonel Kira: When did you turn into an optimist?
Odo: Must have been that day in front of Quark's when we kissed for the first time.
Colonel Kira: That was some kiss, wasn't it?
Odo: Changed my life.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Prodigal Daughter (#7.11)" (1999)
[first lines]
Odo: By the way, your gagh has arrived.
Ezri Dax: My what...? Oh, no.
Colonel Kira Nerys: Oh, yes. And it's waiting for you in cargo bay 2.
Colonel Kira Nerys: [incredulous] Your *gagh*?
Ezri Dax: Jadzia ordered it. She was planning a party for Martok's birthday next week.
Colonel Kira Nerys: How much gagh did she order?
Odo: Fifty-one cases.
Ezri Dax: Each containing a different variety.
Colonel Kira Nerys: There are *varieties* of gagh?
Ezri Dax: Oh, yes. I can remember what each one tastes like. And the way they feel when you... swallow them. Torgud gagh wiggles. Filden gagh squirms. Meshta gagh jumps...
[She starts dry-heaving; the conversation continues as she composes herself]
Ezri Dax: ...Bithool gagh has *feet*.
[to Odo]
Ezri Dax: Flush it out the airlock. All of it.
Odo: [shaking his head] Environmental regulations.
Colonel Kira Nerys: Well, why don't you just give it to Martok?
Ezri Dax: He'd insist on sharing it with me, as a point of honor.
[sighs]
Ezri Dax: Wistan gagh is packed in Targ blood...
[she looks nauseated]
Ezri Dax: I have to go now.

[Bashir is planning to play his Alamo program with O'Brien]
Odo: Give my regards to Santa Anna.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: The Way of the Warrior (#4.1)" (1995)
Odo: I didn't know you spoke Klingon.
Elim Garak: Oh, you'd be surprised at the things you can learn when you're doing alterations.

Doctor Bashir: I'm sure there's more than one Klingon who thinks that slaying a changeling would be worthy of a song or two.
Odo: Doctor, if a Klingon were to kill me, I'd expect nothing less than an entire opera on the subject.
Doctor Bashir: Maybe. I just don't want to have to listen to it. Watch your back.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Duet (#1.18)" (1993)
[Bajoran survivors of a Cardassian labor camp have gathered on DS9]
Quark: Who are they?
Odo: Survivors of Gallitep. They arrived early this morning. I suppose they are waiting for justice.
Quark: Gallitep... Imagine living through that hellhole... the pain... the sorrow... Do you think they like to gamble?

Gul Dukat: I do miss working with you, Odo. I miss our games of Kalevian montar.
Odo: As I recall, Gul Dukat, we played one game, and you cheated.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Tacking Into the Wind (#7.22)" (1999)
Garak: Odo, I hope you know how much I...
Odo: If I don't want pity from the woman I love, why would I want it from you?

[last lines]
Odo: You're... probably angry.
Colonel Kira: Why?
Odo: I... I hid my true condition.
Colonel Kira: Odo - I've known all along. But it's not over. Julian's probably working on a cure right now...
Odo: Shh-shh, Nerys, Nerys, don't. Just... stay here, with me.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Fascination (#3.10)" (1994)
[Odo is briefing a Starfleet security officer when Lwaxana Troi enters his office]
Lwaxana Troi: [to the security officer] Didn't they teach you any manners in Starfleet Academy? Be a dear, run along. The Constable and I have a lot of catching up to do.
Odo: [also to the officer] Uh, come back in five minutes.
Lwaxana Troi: Make that half an hour.

Lwaxana Troi: I'm here to help you.
Odo: What kind of help do you mean?
Lwaxana Troi: Oh... well, a sympathetic ear, a shoulder to cry on - a lap to melt in...

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Prophet Motive (#3.16)" (1995)
Odo: I have a friend at Starfleet Intelligence, and she has a friend who has a cousin who's married to the assistant of one of the members of the Federation Medical Council.
Doctor Bashir: Really?
Odo: And according to my friend, her friend heard something from his cousin that his wife heard from the council member that I thought you might find interesting.
Doctor Bashir: Which is?
Odo: Doctor Wade is not going to win the Carrington.

Doctor Bashir: The only one that has a reason to celebrate is Ghee P'Trell.
Odo: Perhaps, but P'Trell is by no means as popular as Dr. Wade.
Doctor Bashir: According to your friend.
Odo: Actually according to my friend's friend's...
Doctor Bashir: I get the picture.
Odo: The point is, if it's not going to be Wade, it could be anyone, P'Trell, Senva, Roget - even you.
Doctor Bashir: I didn't think I was gonna win before, and I don't think I'm going to win now.
Odo: Is that a fact? Then... why have you been working on your acceptance speech?
[startled, Bashir looks at the PADD he's been working on]
Doctor Bashir: How did you know?
Odo: Just a guess.
[smiles and leaves]

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Inquisition (#6.18)" (1998)
Doctor Bashir: I can't believe the Federation condones this kind of activity.
Odo: Personally I find it hard to believe they wouldn't. Every other great power has a unit like Section 31 - the Romulans have the Tal Shiar, the Cardassians had the Obsidian Order...
Doctor Bashir: But what does that say about us? When push comes to shove, are we willing to sacrifice our principles in order to survive?
Captain Sisko: I wish I had an answer for you, Doctor.

[last lines]
Captain Sisko: You said that Sloan tried to recruit you?
Doctor Bashir: I turned him down.
Captain Sisko: He doesn't strike me as a man who takes 'no' for an answer. And the next time he asks you to join his little group, you will say 'yes'!
Odo: Well, congratulations, Doctor. Looks like you're going to get to play a spy after all; only this time - for real.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Move Along Home (#1.9)" (1993)
Lieutenant Primmin: Wait a minute, Odo, you can't just go storming onto their ship without their permission!
Odo: [abashed] Oh, i-i-is that Starfleet policy?
Lieutenant Primmin: That's right.
Odo: Well, I'm not *in* Starfleet!

Odo: Is it against Starfleet policy to press a few buttons?

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Blaze of Glory (#5.23)" (1997)
[Morn has hit Quark with a barstool]
Odo: Witnesses say you were talking to him right up to the second he went berserk.
Quark: Of course I was talking to him. That's what bartenders are supposed to do - talk to their customers.
Major Kira: What exactly was it that you were talking to him about?
Quark: All I said was that the military personnel on this station were starting to look a little nervous. And when they get nervous, I get nervous.
Odo: And that's all you said?
Quark: Basically. I might've done a little harmless theorizing.
Doctor Bashir: About what?
Quark: Oh, something like... it was only a matter of time before the Dominion launched a full-scale assault against the Federation, and when that happened, the station would undoubtedly be their first target... And I might have idly suggested... that there wasn't a chance in hell that any of us would get out of here alive.
Odo: And that's when Morn hit you with a barstool and ran onto the Promenade screaming "We're all doomed".
Quark: Some people just don't react well to stress.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: The Changing Face of Evil (#7.20)" (1999)
[Quark watches Sisko and Kasidy in a deep debate, chuckling]
Odo: What's so funny?
Quark: Marriage - it changes everything... If you're not careful, that could be you and Kira.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Time's Orphan (#6.24)" (1998)
Odo: [after the O'Briens have failed to smuggle older Molly off DS9 unnoticed] I'm disappointed in you, Chief. If anyone could break a prisoner out of a holding cell and get them off the station, I'd have thought it would have been you.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: The Maquis: Part 2 (#2.21)" (1994)
Odo: And one other thing...
[nods towards Quark in the holding cell]
Odo: How long do I keep him here?
Commander Sisko: Forever.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: One Little Ship (#6.14)" (1998)
[last lines]
Odo: Are you sure you've returned to your normal size?
Chief O'Brien: Of course.
Doctor Bashir: Why?
Odo: Well, you both appear to be a couple of centimeters shorter than you were the last time I saw you. A Changeling notices that sort of thing.
Quark: I didn't want to say anything, but... you do look a little on the petite side.
[O'Brien and Bashir look at each other]
Doctor Bashir: Infirmary!
[they hurry out]
Quark: [to Odo] And they say you don't have a sense of humor.
[both chuckle]

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Playing God (#2.17)" (1994)
Odo: You can't just wipe out a civilization. We'd be committing mass murder.
Major Kira: It's like stepping on ants, Odo!
Odo: I don't step on ants, Major.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: The Emperor's New Cloak (#7.12)" (1999)
[first lines]
Quark: [observing Dax and Bashir in an animated conversation] Have you ever seen anything so disgusting? The way he's undressing her with his eyes... And look at his hands!
Odo: What about his hands?
Quark: His gestures, they're obscene. You should arrest him.
Odo: You're joking.
Quark: He's pitiful. Doesn't he realize she loves me?
Odo: I don't think he does. To be honest, I don't think she does either.
Quark: Thanks for your support.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Favor the Bold (#6.5)" (1997)
Odo: Kira! Kira, wait, wait!
Major Kira: [angry] I have nothing to say to you!
Odo: I understand that you're angry...
Major Kira: Oh, you bet I am angry. Do you have any idea what's going on?
Odo: Yes - somewhat. I've been occupied.
Major Kira: Ah. Dukat is bringing down the minefield, the Federation is about to be overrun by Dominion reinforcements and Weyoun has ordered Rom's execution, and you have been "occupied"!
Odo: This is so difficult to explain.
Major Kira: You gonna talk to me about the Link, don't bother. I'm a Solid, remember? I won't understand!
Odo: Nerys... I'm sorry.
Major Kira: Sorry? That's what you wanted to tell me? You're sorry?
Odo: Yes.
Major Kira: Well, let me tell you something, Odo: we are way, way past sorry.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Family Business (#3.23)" (1995)
[Quark's mother has been charged with making profit]
Quark: I've no intention of spending my latinum to make restitution for her crimes. I will wring that confession out of her if I have to.
Odo: This is your mother you're talking about?
Quark: Don't remind me.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Captive Pursuit (#1.5)" (1993)
Odo: Nobody's abducting a prisoner out of my brig as long as I'm alive.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: The Assignment (#5.5)" (1996)
[Sisko checks on the progress of the interrogation of Rom]
Captain Sisko: Has he said anything?
Odo: Not much. For the first 40 minutes it was like pulling teeth even getting him to admit his name.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Crossover (#2.23)" (1994)
Mirror Odo: No jokes! That's my Rule of Obedience number 14.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: The Storyteller (#1.13)" (1993)
[Jake and Nog are sitting at their favorite spot on the landing above the promenade]
Odo: [passing by] Mr. Sisko, Nog - I thought I told you, no dangling over the promenade.
Jake Sisko: We're not gonna fall, Odo.
Nog: We can see things better from down here.
Odo: And what, may I ask, is so interesting?
Jake Sisko: Nothing.
Odo: In that case you can see "nothing" just as well from up here.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Invasive Procedures (#2.4)" (1993)
Quark: [about Rom] I know, I know - he couldn't find a cup of water if you dropped him in a lake, but... even if he is an idiot, he's still my brother.
Odo: And you'd betray him in a second if it suited your interests.
Quark: That doesn't mean I don't love him.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Rapture (#5.10)" (1996)
Odo: I wonder if the Prophets can help us find quarters for Captain Rifkin.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Rules of Engagement (#4.17)" (1996)
Odo: I'm always suspicious of people who are eager to help a police officer.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Looking for par'Mach in All the Wrong Places (#5.3)" (1996)
Odo: Growing fond of the Chief, are we?
Major Kira: What are you talking about? I've always liked Miles.
Odo: You've always liked the Chief; but 'Miles' is a different story.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: The Jem'Hadar (#2.26)" (1994)
Quark: Uh, well, what did he say?
Odo: What did who say?
Quark: Commander Sisko, about my idea?
Odo: You mean, using the monitors throughout the station to sell merchandise?
Quark: Stop torturing me, Odo, tell me what he said.
Odo: Guess.
Quark: He said yes!
Odo: Guess again.
Quark: It would triple my profits. How can he refuse?
Odo: Maybe it's because he doesn't like you.
Quark: Don't be ridiculous. Major Kira's the one who doesn't like me; Sisko...
Odo: ...doesn't like you either.
Quark: What'd I ever do to him?
Odo: Oh, I could think of one or two things.
Quark: Oh, one or two things, that's nothing. So do you think there's any way I can, uh, change his mind?
Odo: Ha!
[and leaves]

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Shakaar (#3.24)" (1995)
Odo: It has been my observation that one of the prices of giving people freedom of choice... is that sometimes, they make the wrong choice.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Second Skin (#3.5)" (1994)
[Sisko is "inviting" Garak to join him and Odo on a rescue mission to Cardassia]
Garak: You can't be serious! Commander, if I were allowed on Cardassia, do you really think I'd be living here?
Commander Sisko: Which brings up an interesting point. There're certain ministers in the Bajoran government who are concerned about your presence on the station; in fact, they want you removed. Right now, I see no alternative but to honor their request, unless of course... I can show them how you might be valuable to us.
Odo: Rescuing Kira would go a long way toward improving your standing with the Bajoran government.
Garak: Why should I care what the Bajoran government thinks of me?
Commander Sisko: I don't know. But it seems to me, if someone were in trouble with the Cardassian Central Command, a Bajoran space station under Federation control might just be the safest place in the galaxy.
Garak: Commander, this is extortion.
Commander Sisko: Mmm... Yes, it is.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: When It Rains... (#7.21)" (1999)
Dr. Julian Bashir: It's very difficult to keep a supply of synthetic organs on hand in a battlefield situation. You never know how many livers you're gonna need - or, uh... how many hearts.
Odo: I can imagine. But, uh, what does that have to do with me?
Dr. Julian Bashir: Well, the holy grail of organ replacement is to be able to find a way to inject the patient with undifferentiated tissue, so that it can become whatever organ is needed. The only problem is...
Odo: Doctor, get to the point.
Dr. Julian Bashir: I need to borrow... a cup... of goo.
Odo: Excuse me?
Dr. Julian Bashir: Please? I'll give it back.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Distant Voices (#3.18)" (1995)
Doctor Bashir: Does anybody else hear that?
Major Kira: What?
Odo: I don't hear anything.
Doctor Bashir: No, Garak didn't either.
Lieutenant Jadzia Dax: Julian, what are you talking about?
Doctor Bashir: I know, I know, it sounds odd, but I keep hearing voices.
Chief O'Brien: And he says *we're* acting peculiar?

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Destiny (#3.15)" (1995)
Odo: [on Sisko's role as Emissary] It's just an observation, of course; but it's always seemed to me that you've never been comfortable with it.
Commander Sisko: [pondering this] I can't deny that, I... Are you suggesting that I'm dismissing this prophecy too easily because I don't want to be the Emissary?
Odo: I'm not suggesting anything. But it's been my experience that all humanoids have an agenda of some sort, and that their agendas can influence them without their even realizing it.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Through the Looking Glass (#3.19)" (1995)
[first lines]
Odo: [to Sisko] I found 27 voles in his storeroom.
Quark: Vole infestations are not uncommon on this station. If you don't believe me, ask Chief O'Brien.
Odo: When I came in, he and Morn were painting numbers on the voles' backs.
Quark: We were just... counting them, to see how many we'd caught.
Commander Sisko: You were getting ready to stage a vole fight.
Quark: A vole fight? I'm appalled. Do you really think that was what Morn was up to?
Commander Sisko: Constable, I want the voles confiscated and removed from the station.
Quark: You can't confiscate Morn's voles, they're like his pets!
Commander Sisko: I'll see if I can get him some... goldfish.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Second Sight (#2.9)" (1993)
Commander Sisko: I'm looking for someone - a woman.
Odo: Name?
Commander Sisko: Fenna.
Odo: First name or last?
Commander Sisko: I don't know.
Odo: Species?
Commander Sisko: I don't know. Humanoid.
Odo: What ship did she arrive on?
Commander Sisko: I... don't know.
Odo: Well - what *can* you tell me about her?
Commander Sisko: Let's see - I'd say she's about... 1.6 meters tall, brown skin, dark hair, and the last time I saw her, she was wearing a... She was wearing *red*!
Odo: Well, that's something anyway.
Commander Sisko: Do you think you can help me?
Odo: I don't know.
Commander Sisko: I need to find her, Constable. I think she may be in some kind of trouble.
Odo: What kind of trouble? Ah - let me guess: you don't know.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Accession (#4.16)" (1996)
Odo: Forgive me, Major, I don't mean to be difficult, but your faith seems to have led you to something of a contradiction.
Major Kira: I don't see it as a contradiction.
Odo: I don't understand.
Major Kira: That's the thing about faith. If you don't have it you can't understand it, and if you do - no explanation is necessary.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Indiscretion (#4.4)" (1995)
Major Kira: I may have a lead on the Ravinok.
[Odo groans]
Major Kira: I know what you're gonna say, it's been six years since the Ravinok disappeared, odds are everyone on board is dead...
Odo: That all may be true, but that is not what I was going to say. I was going to say, good luck.
Major Kira: [surprised] "Good luck"?
Odo: You had a friend aboard the Ravinok, correct?
Major Kira: [nods] Lorit Akrem.
Odo: Which means, it doesn't matter if I think there are any survivors or even if you think there are any survivors, you are going to go looking for that ship. And all I can say is, good luck. And I hope you find them.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Equilibrium (#3.4)" (1994)
[Kira is intently watching Odo stir a sauce with high concentration]
Odo: You find something amusing, Major?
Major Kira: Oh, I just think you look so... cute.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Statistical Probabilities (#6.9)" (1997)
Weyoun: Odo...!
Odo: Yes, I know. I honor you with my presence.
Weyoun: We... seem to have gotten ourselves lost.
Odo: M-hm. They're not coming.
Damar: Who's not coming?
Odo: I had a feeling you were going to say that.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Return to Grace (#4.13)" (1996)
[last lines]
Major Kira Nerys: Odo, this is Tora Ziyal.
Odo: Gul Dukat's daughter.
Major Kira Nerys: She's gonna be living here on the station with us - for a while.
Odo: Ahh.
Major Kira Nerys: [sotto voce] I'll tell you all about it.
[walks off with Ziyal]
Odo: I certainly hope so.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Valiant (#6.22)" (1998)
Odo: I take it there's a problem with your drink replicator?
Quark: [frustrated] A problem? No - can't be. If there were a problem, I would have submitted an emergency maintenance request this morning. And if I had done that, Chief O'Brien would have assured me that Rom would fix it right away. Then of course, Rom would have promised me that Nog would fix it before the end of the day. And since this is the end of the day and there is no Nog in sight, we can only draw one conclusion: that I don't have a problem!
Lt. Commander Jadzia Dax: [arriving] Is your drink replicator broken?
Quark: You're quick today.

Family Guy Presents Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story (2005) (V)
Odo: I'm watching your every move, Quark, so don't think you can get away with any law-breaking.
Quark Griffin: Yeah, yeah, whatever, man.
Odo: I mean it! You'll have me to deal with!
Quark Griffin: Ohhhh, I'm really scared.
Odo: I could morph into a giant python and eat you alive.
Quark Griffin: Hey, here's an idea: why don't you morph into a guy with something interesting to talk about?

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Bar Association (#4.15)" (1996)
Odo: From what Chief O'Brien tells me about strikes, they sound like trouble. I don't like mobs. In my opinion, if you need one to get what you want, it's not worth getting.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Cardassians (#2.5)" (1993)
Doctor Bashir: The damnedest thing just happened - Garak the tailor was attacked.
Odo: Attacked? Where?
Doctor Bashir: At the replimat. He was bitten in the hand.
Lieutenant Jadzia Dax: Another unsatisfied customer?
Chief O'Brien: He always cuts the pants too long.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Q-Less (#1.6)" (1993)
Quark: I have nothing to hide. I'm selling quality merchandise to select clientele.
Odo: And what makes them so... select?
Quark: They're all ridiculously wealthy - and not too bright.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: In the Cards (#5.25)" (1997)
[Jake and Nog are trying with Odo's help to investigate on Giger's disappearance]
Cadet Nog: Maybe the soulless minions of orthodoxy finally caught up with him.
Odo: [confused] The who?
Jake Sisko: We don't know who they are, but they were after Dr. Giger's cellular regeneration and entertainment chamber.
Odo: [more confused] His what?
Jake Sisko: It's a device used to keep the cells in your body from getting bored. You see, he was going to transmit messages to people's cells to keep them entertained, so they wouldn't die off. And as a result, these people would... live forever.
Odo: [completely clueless] Aha...

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Afterimage (#7.3)" (1998)
Odo: Why don't you join us for dinner tonight?
Lieutenant Ezri Dax: I don't want to put you out.
Colonel Kira: Oh no, please come; it'll take the pressure off me. All he does is sit there and count how many times I chew.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Rivals (#2.11)" (1994)
[Martus is in animated conversation with Alsia when Odo shows up and apprehends Martus]
Odo: Let's go.
Martus Mazur: Exactly where are we going?
Odo: To security.
Martus Mazur: But I've done nothing wrong.
Alsia: It's true, we were just talking.
Odo: *You* were talking, madam; he was listening.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: The Ship (#5.2)" (1996)
Quark: [to Odo] If you're going to prosecute me, I demand that you prosecute my co-conspirator.
Doctor Bashir: I'm not a conspirator!
Odo: What would you call yourself, Doctor?
Doctor Bashir: An idiot!

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: The Wire (#2.22)" (1994)
[Odo and Bashir are secretly monitoring one of Quark's late-night activities]
Dr. Julian Bashir: I hope you don't have one of these little bugs hidden in *my* quarters.
Odo: Should I?

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Ferengi Love Songs (#5.20)" (1997)
[Sisko and Odo find Rom very distraught]
Odo: [explaining to Sisko] The wedding is off.
Captain Sisko: I'm sorry.
Rom: Don't be, Captain. These are tears of joy.
[sobbing heavily, disproving his reassurance]
Captain Sisko: [comforting] Carry on.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: The Darkness and the Light (#5.11)" (1997)
Odo: Perhaps you could make a list of all the attacks by the Shakaar in which you participated.
Major Kira: It's a long list.

 

Data

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: In Theory (#4.25)" (1991)
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Captain. I am seeking advice in how to...
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Yes, I've heard, Data. And I would be delighted to offer any advice I can on understanding women. When I have some, I'll let you know.

Guinan: It's not good to advise people about their first love affairs. That's kind of something people have to figure out for themselves.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: But I am not capable of love.
Guinan: Then it's gonna be a very unique experience.

Lt. Jenna D'Sora: [reminiscing about the past] Those times were really special... I wish we were back there now, you and I.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: The unidirectional nature of the time continuum makes that an unlikely possibility.
Lt. Jenna D'Sora: [nonplussed, then laughs] That's what I love about you, Data. You make me laugh.

Lt. Jenna D'Sora: [chatting to the O'Briens about Data] He came over to my quarters the other day to give me a music lesson, and he said the funniest thing.
Lt. Jenna D'Sora: [to Data] How did you put it? About, erm, about the mess?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: I believe I observed that you seem to have an aversion to orderliness.

Commander William T. Riker: Data, when it really works between two people, it's not like anything you've ever experienced. The rewards are far greater than simple friendship.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: How far, sir?
Commander William T. Riker: That's what I'm hoping you're going to find out.

Lt. Cmdr. Data: My programming may be inadequate to the task.
Counselor Deanna Troi: We're all more than the sum of our parts, Data. You'll have to be more than the sum of your programming.

Guinan: Data, if I didn't know you better, I would say you were a little... preoccupied.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Lieutenant D'Sora just gave me what could be considered a very passionate kiss in the torpedo bay.

Guinan: What do you think of her, Data?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: I find her to be a competent officer; highly motivated... though somewhat lacking in her understanding of the theory underlying the dilithium matrix application.
Guinan: I meant personally.

[Jenna visits Data in his quarters with a sculpture as a gift]
Lt. Cmdr. Data: You have often expressed dissatisfaction with the spartan nature of my quarters. Is this an attempt at embellishment?
Lt. Jenna D'Sora: The cat's out of the bag.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: [looking around for his cat] Spot?
Lt. Jenna D'Sora: No, I mean I... you've caught me in the act.

Lt. Cmdr. Data: [attempting to simulate a quarrel] You don't tell me how to behave; you're not my mother!

Lt. Cmdr. Data: [after the "quarrel" with Jenna] In my study of interpersonal dynamics, I have found that conflict, followed by emotional release, often strengthens the connection between two people.
Lt. Jenna D'Sora: But... there's something so forced and artificial about the way you're doing it, Data. It's just not the real you.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: With regard to romantic relationships, there is no real me.

Lt. Jenna D'Sora: Kiss me.
[Data obliges]
Lt. Jenna D'Sora: What were you just thinking?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: In that particular moment, I was reconfiguring the warp field parameters, analyzing the collected works of Charles Dickens, calculating the maximum pressure I could safely apply to your lips, considering a new food supplement for Sp-ot...
Lt. Jenna D'Sora: I'm glad I was in there somewhere.

Lt. Cmdr. Data: Honey? I'm home!

Lt. Cmdr. Data: Darling, you remain as aesthetically pleasing as the first day we met. I believe I am the most fortunate sentient in this sector of the galaxy.

Lt. Jenna D'Sora: This is all part of a program?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Yes. One which I have just created for romantic relationships.
Lt. Jenna D'Sora: So I'm, erm... I'm just a small variable in one of your new computational environments?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: You are much more than that, Jenna. I have written a subroutine specifically for you - a program within the program. I have devoted a considerable share of my internal resources to its development.
Lt. Jenna D'Sora: Data... that's the nicest thing anybody's ever said to me.

Lt. Jenna D'Sora: The Book of Love, chapter 4, paragraph 17: when your girlfriend arrives with a gift, stop whatever it is you're doing and give her your undivided attention.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: I should not have resumed my painting?
Lt. Jenna D'Sora: No.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Despite your suggestion that I continue?
Lt. Jenna D'Sora: Exactly.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: I have much to learn.

Lt. Jenna D'Sora: Data... sometimes people blindly make the same mistake again and again.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Are you currently experiencing this phenomenon?
Lt. Jenna D'Sora: I didn't see it until today. I got out of a relationship with an unemotional man. And I got right back into another one - with... with a man who's... absolutely incapable of emotion.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Hm... There does appear to be a recurring motif.

Lt. Jenna D'Sora: As close as we are, I... I don't really matter to you. Not really. Nothing I can say or do will ever make you happy or, or sad... or touch you in any way.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: That is a valid projection. It is apparent that my reach has exceeded my grasp in this particular area. I am, perhaps, not nearly so human as I aspire to become.

Lt. Cmdr. Data: Jenna - are we no longer... a couple?
Lt. Jenna D'Sora: No, we're not.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Then I will delete the appropriate program.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Data's Day (#4.11)" (1991)
[first lines]
Lt. Commander Data: Second Officer's personal log, stardate 44390.1 - Record entry for transmission to Commander Bruce Maddox, Cybernetics Division, Daystrom Institute. Dear Commander Maddox. In reference to your most recent letter, I agree that your study lacks sufficient primary source information on my programming and operation. Therefore, in response to your request, this correspondence will include a complete record of my activities during a normal day, with particular emphasis on my perceptions of friendship.

Lt. Commander Data: [voice-over] This is the 1,550th day since the Enterprise was commissioned. Besides the arrival of Ambassador T'Pel, other events occurring today include four birthdays, two personnel transfers, a celebration of the Hindu Festival of Lights, two chess tournaments, one secondary school play, and four promotions. Overall, an ordinary day.

Lt. Commander Data: [describing a wild goose chase] I could be chasing an untamed ornithoid without cause.

[Data and Worf are looking at potential wedding gifts. Worf chooses a crystalline duck]
Lt. Commander Data: It is my understanding that the item selected should reflect the personality of whoever is giving it. This does not remind me of you.

Lt. Commander Data: [voice-over] My friend Chief O'Brien often says that above all else, he wants to make Keiko happy. Since cancelling the wedding will make her happy, I must conclude the Chief will be pleased at her decision.
Lt. Commander Data: I have good news.
Chief Miles O'Brien: Oh?
Lt. Commander Data: Keiko has made a decision designed to increase her happiness: she has cancelled the wedding.
Chief Miles O'Brien: She what? Cancelled the wedding? Today? Without even a word? Of all the childish, selfish, irresponsible things to do...!
[storms out, very upset]
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Next time, maybe *I* should deliver the good news.
Lt. Commander Data: [voice-over] Commander Maddox. It would appear that my program designed to predict emotional responses needs... adjustment.

Lt. Commander Data: [voice-over] The safest and most logical decision in this situation is to contact Starfleet and await further instructions. However, based on past experience, I project only a seventeen percent chance Captain Picard will choose that alternative.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Red alert! All hands stand to battle stations!

Lt. Commander Data: [voice-over] Commander Riker's easy-going manner and sense of humor is fascinating to me. I believe it to be one reason he is so popular among the crew. It may also be partly responsible for his success in matters of love. There may be a correlation between humor and sex. The need for more research is clearly indicated.

Commander William T. Riker: Charming woman!
Lt. Commander Data: [voice-over] The tone of Commander Riker's voice makes me suspect that he is not serious about finding Ambassador T'Pel charming. My experience suggests that in fact he may mean the exact opposite of what he says. Irony is a form of expression I have not yet been able to master.

Lt. Commander Data: [voice-over] Friendly insults and jibes - another form of human speech that I am attempting to master. In this case, with the help of Commander Geordi La Forge.
[he walks into the barbershop where La Forge is having his hair trimmed]
Lt. Commander Data: [voice-over] I consider Geordi to be my best friend.
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Here for a trim?
Lt. Commander Data: My hair does not require trimming, you lunkhead.
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: What?
Lt. Commander Data: My hair does not require trimming...
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: "Lunkhead"?
Lt. Commander Data: I am experimenting with friendly jibes and insults. It was not meant as a serious disparagement.
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: [chuckles] Well - just don't try it on the Captain.

[Picard has ordered to set a course for the Neutral Zone]
Lt. Commander Data: [voice-over] It is fortunate that I am able to perform my duties without emotional distractions. If that were not the case, a sudden course correction toward the Neutral Zone would make me very... nervous.

Keiko Ishikawa: Now, don't be nervous.
Lt. Commander Data: I am not nervous. I am confused.

Lt. Commander Data: [voice-over] I have found Holmes' methodology of deductive reasoning to be quite useful. One of his adages is that once you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.

[Ambassador T'Pel has tried to get restricted information from Data about the Enterprise, pretending that she was only testing his security safeguards]
Lt. Commander Data: [voice-over] I have often wished for the sense that humans call intuition, or instinct. Since Vulcans are incapable of lying, I must accept the Ambassador's explanation as the truth. But I would still prefer a... 'gut feeling' to back up this conclusion.

Lt. Commander Data: [voice-over] In the game of poker, there is a moment when a player must decide if an opponent is being deceptive, or actually holds a winning hand. This decision is based not only on the odds, but also on an appraisal of the man. Is he bluffing, or does he have the cards?

Lt. Commander Data: [voice-over] The risks aboard a starship are accepted by all who serve. But I have never failed to observe a deep emotional response to the loss of a comrade. It is at times like this that I greatly miss the ability to share human feelings.

Lt. Commander Data: [voice-over] There are still many human emotions I do not fully comprehend - anger, hatred, revenge. But I am not mystified by the desire to be loved - or the need for friendship. These are things I do understand.

[last lines]
Lt. Commander Data: If being human is not simply a matter of being born flesh and blood, if it is instead a way of thinking, acting and... feeling, then I am hopeful that one day I will discover my own humanity. -... - Until then, Commander Maddox, I will continue learning, changing, growing, and trying to become more than what I am.

Star Trek: Nemesis (2002)
Data: [as B-4] Move, puny human animal!
Picard: [lowly] A bit less florid, Data...

Picard: Duty. A starship captain's life is filled with solemn duty. I have commanded men in battle. I have negotiated peace treaties between implacable enemies. I have represented the Federation in first contact with twenty-seven alien species. But none of this compares with my solemn duty today... as best man. Now, I know, on an occasion such as this, it is expected that I be gracious and fulsome in my praise on the wonders of this blessed union, but have the two of you considered what you were doing to me? Of course you're happy, but what about *my* needs? This is all a damned inconvenience. While you're happily settling in on the Titan, I will be training my new first officer. You all know him. He's a tyrannical martinet who will never, *ever*, allow me to go on away missions.
Data: That is the regulation, sir. Starfleet code section 12, paragraph 4...
Picard: Mr. Data...
Data: Sir?
Picard: Shut up.
Data: Yes, sir.
Picard: [Turning to the wedding guests] 15 years I've been waiting to say that.

[Worf picks up B-4's arm]
Data: It appears to be a robotic arm.
Worf: Very astute.

[In the attempt to find an alternative exit, Picard intends to blast with a shuttle through the inner shuttle bay doors and fly through the Scimitar]
Data: Do you think this is a wise course of action, sir?
Picard: We're about to find out, Data.

Data: I will always be puzzled by the human predilection for piloting vehicles at unsafe velocities.

Data: I must deactivate you.
B-4: For how long?
Data: Indefinitely.
B-4: How long is tha...
Data: A long time, brother.

Picard: If I had lived his life, is it possible that I would have rejected my humanity?
Data: The B-4 is physically identical to me, although his neural pathways are not as advanced. But even if they were, he would not be me.
Picard: How can you be sure?
Data: I aspire, sir, to be better than I am. B-4 does not. Nor does Shinzon.

Data: Ladies and gentlemen, and invited transgendered species...

Data: Do you have a name, sir?
B-4: I am... B-4.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: B-4? Dr. Soongs penchant for whimsical names seems to have no end.

Data: B-4, do you know where you are?
B-4: I am in a room. With lights.

Data: Captain Picard agrees that the B-4 was probably designed with the same self-actualization parameters as myself. If my memory engrams are successfully integrated into his positronic matrix, he should have all my abilities.
La Forge: Yeah, but he would also have all of your memories as well. You feel comfortable with that?
Data: I feel nothing, Geordi.

Data: [his final words] Goodbye.

Data: [Watching as Picard tries to figure out the controls of the Scorpion atack fighter] Would you like me to drive, Sir?

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: The Outrageous Okona (#2.4)" (1988)
[Data is acting as a comedian in front of a holo-audience]
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Good evening, ladies and germs.

Lt. Cmdr. Data: Take my Worf. Please.

Guinan: [explaining to Data why his joke was not funny] Data... you spoiled the joke. But it could have been your timing.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: My timing is digital.
[Guinan laughs softly]
Lt. Cmdr. Data: What?
Guinan: That's funny.

Capt. Thadiun Okona: Now, that's sex appeal!
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Sexual attraction in this context is not a part of my programming. I am an android.
Capt. Thadiun Okona: Well, then, have you seen any good-looking computers lately?

The Comic: You, pal, are a tough room.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: "Tough room"?
[accesses his data bank]
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Ah! A colloquialism, meaning a severe, rigid, close-minded audience. I understand. I will attempt to be an easy room.

Capt. Thadiun Okona: Have you ever been cold?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: No.
Capt. Thadiun Okona: Warm, then?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: No.
Capt. Thadiun Okona: What about drunk? Ever do that?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: From alcohol? That is not possible for me, sir.
Capt. Thadiun Okona: Pity. What about love?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: The act or the emotion?
Capt. Thadiun Okona: They're both the same.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: I believe that statement to be inaccurate, sir.

[Data is attempting to tell a joke]
Lt. Cmdr. Data: A monk, a clone and a Ferengi decided to go bowling together...

Lt. Cmdr. Data: I come from a town so small, we had a fraction for a zip-code. -... - It was so small, in fact, we didn't have a godfather of crime, we had a nephew.

Lt. Cmdr. Data: Then, there was the one about the girl in the nudist colony, that nothing looked good on.

The Comic: Tell me, Data, what happened?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: I told a joke.
The Comic: And?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: No one laughed.
The Comic: No one? Nobody in the whole room?
Guinan: I was the whole room.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: She said I spoiled the joke.
Guinan: Actually, 'killed' would have been a better word.

Guinan: Look, it's just you and I here. We're talking, we're having an intimate conversation. Why? Because you're a 'droid and I'm a 'noid.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: But why?
Guinan: Because that's what I am.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Have I said something to offend you?
Guinan: No.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Then why are you annoyed?
Guinan: [slowly] Because you're a *'droid* and I'm a *'noid*.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Humanoid.
Guinan: Yes.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: You told a joke.
Guinan: Yes!
Lt. Cmdr. Data: I am not laughing.
Guinan: Yes!

Guinan: Being able to make people laugh or being able to laugh is not the end-all and be-all of being human.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: No. But there is nothing more... uniquely human.

Wesley Crusher: Say goodbye, Data.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Goodbye, Data.
[crew laughs]
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Was that funny?
Wesley Crusher: [laughs]
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Accessing. Ah! Burns and Allen, Roxy Theater, New York City, 1932. It still works.
[pauses]
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Then there was the one about the girl in the nudist colony, that nothing looked good on?
Lieutenant Worf: We're ready to get under way, sir.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Take my Worf, please.
Commander William T. Riker: [to Captain Picard] Warp speed, sir?
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Please.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Déjà Q (#3.13)" (1990)
[Q has been turned into a human by the Continuum]
Lt. Cmdr. Data: An irony. It means that you have achieved in disgrace what I have always aspired to be.

Guinan: [referring to Data] You could learn a lot from this one.
Q: Sure, the robot who teaches the course in humanities.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: I am an android, not a robot.
Q: [sarcastically] I beg your pardon.
Guinan: I'd enjoy that. And you'd better get used to it.
Q: What?
Guinan: Begging! You're a pitiful excuse for a human. The only way you're gonna survive is on the charity of others.

Q: [analyzing the cause for the Bre'el IV moon's trajectory] This is obviously the result of a large celestial object passing through at near right angles to the plane of the star system. Probably a black hole.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Can you recommend a way to counter the effect?
Q: Simple. Change the gravitational constant of the universe.

[Q is sitting with Data at the bar in Ten Forward, when Guinan enters]
Q: This is not a moment I've been looking forward to.
Guinan: [approaching] I hear they drummed you out of the Continuum.
Q: I like to think of it as a significant career change.
Guinan: Just one of the boys, eh?
Q: One of the boys with an IQ of two thousand and five.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: The Captain and many of the crew are not yet convinced he is truly human.
Guinan: Really?
[Guinan picks up a sharp-tined fork and stabs the back of Q's hand, who screams in pain]
Guinan: Seems human enough to me.

Q: [of La Forge] Who does he think he is, giving me orders?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Geordi thinks he is in command here - and he is correct.

Lt. Cmdr. Data: Captain, the aliens have disappeared. And so has the shuttle.
Commander William T. Riker: Scan the sector.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: I have, sir.
Capt. Picard: Well... I suppose that is the end of Q.
[with a flash, Q appears on the bridge with a trumpet, accompanied by a mariachi band]
Q: AU CONTRAIRE, MON CAPITAINE! HE'S BACK!
[the band starts playing, accompanied by Q with gusto]

Q: Picard thinks I can't cut it on his starship. I can do anything his little-trained minions can do.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: I do not perceive your skills to be in doubt, Q. The Captain is merely concerned with your ability to successfully interact with his little-trained minions.

Lt. Cmdr. Data: Of more immediate importance is your ability to work within groups.
Q: I'm not good in groups. It's difficult to work in a group when you're omnipotent.

Lt. Cmdr. Data: I have observed that the selection of food is often influenced by the mood of the person ordering.
Q: I'm in a dreadful mood. Get me something appropriate.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: When Counselor Troi is unhappy, she usually eats something chocolate.
Q: Chocolate?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Mm. A chocolate sundae for example. Although I do not speak from personal experience, I have seen it have a profound psychological impact.
Q: [to waitress] I'll have ten chocolate sundaes.
Waitress: Ten?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: I have never seen anyone eat ten chocolate sundaes.
Q: I'm in a really bad mood. And since I've never eaten before, I should be... very hungry.

Q: I think I just hurt my back. I'm feeling pain... I don't like it. What's the right thing to say, 'ow'?
Lt. Cmdr. Data, Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: 'Ow'.
Q: OW! I can't straighten up!

Lt. Cmdr. Data: I have the curiosity of humans; but there are questions that I will never have the answers to - what it is like to laugh or... or cry. Or to experience any human emotions.
Q: Hm - well, if you ask me, these human emotions are not what they're cracked up to be.

Q: Until next time. Ah, but... before I go, there's a debt I wish to repay, to my professor of the humanities. Data, I've decided to give you something very, very special.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: If your intention is to make me human, Q...
Q: No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I would never curse you by making you human. Think of it... as a going-away present.
[he disappears. Data suddenly starts laughing out of control]
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Data... Data, why are you laughing?
[Data calms down, somewhat bemused]
Lt. Cmdr. Data: I do not know. But it was a wonderful... feeling.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: The Offspring (#3.16)" (1990)
[Lt. Cmdr. Data walks in on Lal kissing Cmdr. Riker]
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Commander - what are your intentions toward my daughter?
Commander William T. Riker: [baffled] Your daughter?
Commander William T. Riker: [to Lal, flustered] Nice to meet you!
[storms out]

Lt. Cmdr. Data: Admiral. When I created Lal, it was in the hope that someday, she would choose to enter the Academy and become a member of Starfleet. I wanted to give something back, in return for all that Starfleet has given me. I still do. But Lal is my child. You ask that I volunteer to give her up. I cannot. It would violate every lesson I have learned about human parenting. I have brought a new life into this world. And it is my duty - not Starfleet's - to guide her through these difficult steps to maturity. To support her as she learns. To prepare her to be a contributing member of society. No one can relieve me from that obligation. And I cannot ignore it. I am... her father.

Captain Jean-Luc Picard: The Admiral is taking the position that Lal's development should be overseen by the most experienced personnel.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Then he is questioning my ability as a parent?
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: In a manner of speaking.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Does the Admiral have children?
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Yes, I believe he does, Data. Why?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: I am forced to wonder how much experience he had as a parent when his first child was born.

Lt. Cmdr. Data: I have observed that in most species, there is a primal instinct to perpetuate themselves. Until now, I have been the last of my kind. If I were to be damaged or destroyed, I would be lost forever. But if I am successful with the creation of Lal, my continuance is assured.

Captain Jean-Luc Picard: [after learning from Data's creation of a new android] Data... I would like to have been consulted.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: I have not observed anyone else on board consulting you about their procreation, Captain.

[Data has asked Dr. Crusher for advice in parenting]
Doctor Beverly Crusher: Just help her realize she's not alone. And... be there to nurture her when she needs love and attention.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: I can give her attention, Doctor. But I am incapable of giving her love.
[he leaves sickbay]
Doctor Beverly Crusher: Now, why do I find that so hard to believe?

Lal: Father - what is my purpose?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Purpose?
Lal: My function. My reason for being.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: That is a complex question, Lal. I can only begin to answer by telling you that our function is to contribute in a positive way to the world in which we live.

Lal: Father - what is the significance of laughter?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: It is a human physiological response to humor.
Lal: Then, judging from their laughter, the children at school found my remarks humorous. So without understanding humor, I have somehow mastered it.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: [... ] Lal.
Lal: Yes, Father?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: The children were not laughing with you, they were laughing *at* you.
Lal: Explain.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: One is meant kindly, the other is not.
Lal: Why would they wish to be unkind?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Because you are different. Differences sometimes scare people. I have learned that some of them use humor to hide their fear.
Lal: I do not wish to be different.

Lal: I watch them, and I can do the things they do, but I will never feel the emotions. I'll never know love.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: It is a limitation we must learn to accept, Lal.
Lal: Then why do you still try to emulate humans? What purpose does it serve except to remind you that you are incomplete?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: I have asked myself that many times, as I have struggled to be more human. Until I realized, it is the struggle itself that is most important. We must strive to be more than we are, Lal. It does not matter that we will never reach our ultimate goal. The effort yields its own rewards.
Lal: You are wise, Father.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: It is the difference between knowledge and experience.

[Lal is to decide what physical form to take on]
Lt. Cmdr. Data: We are taking you to the holodeck to show you several thousand composites I have programed. You may choose from them.
Counselor Deanna Troi: [incredulous] Several thousand?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: This is a big decision.

Lal: I feel.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: What do you feel, Lal?
Lal: I love you, Father.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: I wish I could feel it with you.
Lal: I will feel it for both of us.

Star Trek: First Contact (1996)
Lieutenant Commander Data: Captain, I believe I am feeling... anxiety. It is an intriguing sensation. A most distracting...
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Data, I'm sure it's a fascinating experience, but perhaps you should deactivate your emotion chip for now.
Lieutenant Commander Data: Good idea, sir.
[beep]
Lieutenant Commander Data: Done.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Data, there are times that I envy you.

Borg Queen: Do you always talk this much?
Lieutenant Commander Data: Not always. But often.

Lieutenant Commander Data: And for a time, I was tempted by her offer.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: How long a time?
Lieutenant Commander Data: 0.68 seconds sir. For an android, that is nearly an eternity.

[a Borg scratches Data's flesh arm]
Lieutenant Commander Data: Ah!
Borg Queen: Is it becoming clear to you yet? Look at yourself, standing there, cradling the new flesh I've given you. If it means nothing to you, why protect it?
Lieutenant Commander Data: I... I am simply imitating the behavior of humans.
Borg Queen: You're becoming more human all the time, Data; now you're learning how to lie.
Lieutenant Commander Data: My programming was not designed to process these sensations.
Borg Queen: Then tear the skin from your limb as you would a defective circuit.
[Data hesitates]
Borg Queen: Go ahead, Data! We won't stop you!
[Data forces himself to try to tear off the skin]
Borg Queen: Do it! Don't be tempted by flesh!
[Data relents and leaves the skin alone]
Borg Queen: Are you familiar with physical forms of pleasure?
Lieutenant Commander Data: If you are referring to sexuality, I am... fully functional, programmed in... multiple techniques.
Borg Queen: How long since you've used them?
Lieutenant Commander Data: Eight years, seven months, sixteen days, four minutes, twenty-two...
Borg Queen: Far too long.
[they kiss passionately]

[Picard puts his hand on the Phoenix]
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: It's a boyhood fantasy... I must have seen this ship hundreds of times in the Smithsonian but I was never able to touch it.
Lieutenant Commander Data: Sir, does tactile contact alter your perception of the Phoenix?
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Oh, yes! For humans, touch can connect you to an object in a very personal way, make it seem more real.
[Data also puts his hand on The Phoenix]
Lieutenant Commander Data: I am detecting imperfections in the titanium casing... temperature variations in the fuel manifold... it is no more "real" to me now than it was a moment ago.
Cmdr. Deanna Troi: [observing from a catwalk] Would you three like to be alone?

Lieutenant Commander Data: [We see a 24th century Earth. It looks shattered and broken-up] The atmosphere contains high concentrations of methane, carbon monoxide, and fluorine.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Life signs?
Lieutenant Commander Data: Population approximately nine billion... all Borg.

Borg Queen: You are in chaos, Data. You are the contradiction: a machine who wishes to be human.
Lieutenant Commander Data: Since you seem to know so much about me, you must be aware I am programmed to evolve. To better myself.
Borg Queen: We too are on a quest to better ourselves, evolving toward a state of perfection.
Lieutenant Commander Data: Forgive me: the Borg do not evolve, they conquer.

Borg Queen: Do you always talk this much?
Lieutenant Commander Data: Not always, but often.
Borg Queen: Why do you insist on utilizing this primitive linguistic communication? Your android brain is capable of so much more.
Lieutenant Commander Data: Have you forgotten? I'm endeavoring to become more human.
Borg Queen: Human! We used to be exactly like them. Flawed. Weak. Organic. But we evolved to include the synthetic. Now we use both to attain perfection. Your goal should be the same as ours.
Lieutenant Commander Data: Believing oneself to be perfect is often the sign of a delusional mind.

Captain Jean-Luc Picard: I'm about to commit a direct violation of our orders. Those of you who wish to object, you do so now. It will be noted in my log.
Data: Sir...
[beat]
Data: I believe I speak for everyone here, Sir, when I say: To hell with our orders.

[last lines]
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Mr. Data, lay in a course for the 24th century. I suspect our future is there waiting for us.
Data: Course laid in, sir.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Make it so.

Data: [with his grafted flesh burned away] I imagine I look worse than I... feel.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Descent: Part 1 (#6.26)" (1993)
Commander William T. Riker: Data? Data, are you all right?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Yes, sir.
Commander William T. Riker: What happened?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: I got angry...

Lt. Cmdr. Data: Could you describe feeling angry without referring to other feelings?
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: No, I... I guess I can't. I just... feel angry.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: That was my experience as well. I simply... felt angry.

Lt. Cmdr. Data: Perhaps I have evolved to the point where emotions are within my grasp. Perhaps I will experience other emotions as time goes by.
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Well, I hope you're right. I'd hate to think that anger is all you're capable of feeling.

Crosis: How did it feel to get angry? Did it give you pleasure?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: It would be unethical to take pleasure in another being's death.
Crosis: You didn't answer my question. Did it feel good to kill?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Yes...
Crosis: If it is unethical to take pleasure from another being's death, you must be a very unethical person.

Crosis: Data? Do you have a friend?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Yes. His name is Geordi.
Crosis: If it meant that you could feel emotions again - the way you did on Ohniaka III - would you kill your friend? Would you kill Geordi?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Yes... I would.

[Data has tried with various methods to evoke different emotions in himself, without success]
Counselor Deanna Troi: I'm curious. Why're you ignoring the one emotion you've already experienced? Why aren't you trying to make yourself angry again?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Anger is a negative emotion. I wanted to concentrate on something more positive.
Counselor Deanna Troi: Data - feelings aren't positive and negative. They simply exist. It's what we do with those feelings that becomes good or bad.

Counselor Deanna Troi: I don't think that an exploration of anger need necessarily lead to hatred or malice.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: But what if it does, Counselor? What if those are the only emotions I am capable of experiencing? Would that not make me a bad person?
Counselor Deanna Troi: We've served together for a long time; and I think I've come to know you pretty well. I have to believe, if you ever reach your goal of becoming human... you won't become a bad one.

Lt. Cmdr. Data: [on his 'other' emotion] It was just after I had killed the Borg. I looked down at his body... I felt something.
Counselor Deanna Troi: If you had to give this... feeling a name - what would you call it?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: I believe... it was... pleasure...

[last lines]
Lt. Cmdr. Data: The sons of Soong have joined together; and together... we will destroy the Federation!

Isaac Newton: I invented physics. The day that apple fell on my head was the most momentous day in the history of science.
Prof. Stephen Hawking: Not the apple story again.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: That story is generally considered to be apocryphal.
Isaac Newton: [insulted] What? How dare you!

Lt. Cmdr. Data: Stop it! Stop! Stop, Stop, Stop, Stop!

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Time's Arrow: Part 1 (#5.26)" (1992)
Commander William T. Riker: It's just that our mental pathways have become accustomed to your sensory input patterns.
Lt. Commander Data: Hm. I understand. I am also fond of you, Commander. And you as well, Counselor.

[Data has not been included in the away team]
Lt. Commander Data: Sir, it is standard procedure that the Second Officer accompany the away team.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Yes, yes, Mr. Data, I'm aware of that.
Lt. Commander Data: Then I must assume your decision is related to the discovery on Earth.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: I think it is reasonable to take precautions.
Lt. Commander Data: Captain, there is no rational justification for this course.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Then I'll be irrational!

Lt. Commander Data: I have no need for companionship. However, I do require some supplies.
Jack London: Anything you need, I can get it for you wholesale. I can get if for you less than wholesale if, uh, you don't ask me where it came from.

Lt. Commander Data: I have often wondered about my own mortality, as I have seen others around me age. Until now, it has been theoretically possible that I would live an unlimited period of time. And although some might find this attractive, to me it only reinforces the fact that I am... artificial.
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: I never knew how tough this must be for you.
Lt. Commander Data: Tough? As in difficult?
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Knowing that you would outlive all your friends.
Lt. Commander Data: I expected to make new friends.
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: True.
Lt. Commander Data: And then to outlive them as well.

Jack London: Looks like the missus booted you out in the middle of the night.
Lt. Commander Data: [looks down on his uniform] Ah. I understand the source of your misperception. However, this is not sleepwear, and I do not have a missus.
Jack London: [still looking skeptical] Well...
Lt. Commander Data: I am a Frenchman.
Jack London: Oh. Well, everybody's from somewhere. Now, that doesn't matter at this hotel. It's six bits a day, or four dollars a week.
Lt. Commander Data: I have no money.
Jack London: Well, now, that matters!

Jack London: Isn't that what makes America great?
Lt. Commander Data: To what are you referring?
Jack London: Well, a man rides into town in his pajamas, wins a grub stake at a poker table, turns it into a horseless carriage and makes a million bucks. That's America!
Lt. Commander Data: I believe I have given you an erroneous impression.

Lt. Commander Data: It seems clear that my life is to end in the late 19th century.
Commander William T. Riker: Not if we can help it.
Lt. Commander Data: There is no way anyone can prevent it, sir. At some future date, I will be transported back to 19th-century Earth, where I will die. It has occurred. It will occur.

Lt. Commander Data: It provides a sense of completion to my future. In a way, I am not that different from anyone else. I can now look forward to death.
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Never thought of it that way.
Lt. Commander Data: One might also conclude that it brings me one step closer to being human. I am mortal.

Lt. Commander Data: It is possible, sir, that the events leading to my death will not occur for years, even centuries.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: I hope that's true, Mr. Data. Nevertheless, this investigation began with your death. I'm simply trying to see that it doesn't end that way.
Lt. Commander Data: I appreciate your concern, Captain. But, to employ an aphorism, one cannot cheat fate.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: "Cheat fate"?
[ponders over this]
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Perhaps we can't, Mr. Data. But at least we can give it a try.

Lt. Commander Data: I am trying to find two individuals with a snake.
Beggar: [mistaking him for another beggar] A snake? You are an odd feller, aren't you? But just don't be too particular where you get your funds from.

Doorman: Sir, unless you leave this house immediately, I will send for the police.
Lt. Commander Data: That is an excellent idea. I will wait for them in there.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: The Ensigns of Command (#3.2)" (1989)
[Data has stunned some colonists with a phaser]
Lt. Cmdr. Data: That was the stun setting.
[he changes it]
Lt. Cmdr. Data: This is not.

[Data has been assigned to organize the evacuation of a Human colony on Tau Cygna V, a Sheliak planet]
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Sir, if I do not succeed, how violent is the Sheliak reaction likely to be?
Commander William T. Riker: The treaty is the only thing that prevented them from eradicating the colony the moment they discovered it.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Ah.
Commander William T. Riker: "Ah" is right, Data.

Lt. Cmdr. Data: Do you believe my suggested course of action should be followed?
Ard'rian McKenzie: Of course.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: In spite of the fact that I am an android?
Ard'rian McKenzie: Because of that fact. I don't have any silly prejudice against computers; I like them. Not that any computer we have is half as sophisticated as you are.
[Data looks at a primitive dummy made up of metal parts]
Lt. Cmdr. Data: No. I would say not.

Lt. Cmdr. Data: Get word to Gosheven. Tell him I am coming to the pumping station. Tell him I am going to destroy the aqueduct.
Ard'rian McKenzie: He'll try to stop you.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: I sincerely hope so.

[Data has disabled the aqueduct with his phaser]
Lt. Cmdr. Data: I can reduce this pumping station to a pile of debris. But I trust my point is clear. I am but one android, with a single weapon. There are hundreds of Sheliak on the way; and their weapons are far more powerful. They may not offer you a target. They can obliterate you from orbit. You will die - never having seen the faces of your killers. The choice is yours.

Gosheven: Here we stand!
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Then here you die.

Lt. Cmdr. Data, Ard'rian McKenzie: [respectively, after having kissed the other] You appeared to need it.

Lt. Cmdr. Data: Among humans, a kiss usually serves to seal a friendship, or indicate support. Attraction. Affection. In this context, I must assume that your intention was to express... support.
Ard'rian McKenzie: You really don't understand human behavior, do you?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: That is something of an understatement.

Lt. Cmdr. Data: Perhaps this is a situation where excessive honesty can be detrimental.

Gosheven: I really was willing to stay here and die for this.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: I know that. This is just a thing. And things can be replaced. Lives cannot.

[last lines]
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: [about Data's recent violin concert] Your playing is quite beautiful.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Strictly speaking, sir, it is not my playing. It is a precise imitation of the techniques of Jascha Heifetz and Trenka Bron-Ken.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Is there nothing of Data in what I'm hearing? You see, you chose the violinist. Heifetz and Bron-Ken have radically different styles, different techniques, and yet... you combined them, successfully.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: I suppose I have learned to be... creative, sir - when necessary.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Mr. Data, I look forward to your next concert.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Encounter at Farpoint (#1.1)" (1987)
Admiral Leonard H. "Bones" McCoy: How old do you think I am, anyway?
Lt. Commander Data: 137 years, Admiral, according to Starfleet records.
Admiral Leonard H. "Bones" McCoy: Explain how you remember that so exactly!
Lt. Commander Data: I remember every fact I am exposed to, sir.
Admiral Leonard H. "Bones" McCoy: [looking at both sides of Data's head] I don't see no points on your ears, boy, but you sound like a Vulcan.
Lt. Commander Data: No, sir. I am an android.
Admiral Leonard H. "Bones" McCoy: Hmph. Almost as bad.

Lt. Commander Data: I thought it was generally accepted, sir, that Vulcans are an advanced and most honorable race.
Admiral Leonard H. "Bones" McCoy: They are, they are. And damn annoying at times.

Captain Jean-Luc Picard: You will agree, Data, that Starfleet's orders are difficult.
Lt. Commander Data: [Data's first line] Difficult? Simply solve the mystery of Farpoint Station.

Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Do we have clearance?
Lt. Commander Data: Aye sir, into standard parking orbit.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Make it so.

Commander William T. Riker: Do you consider yourself superior to us?
Lt. Commander Data: I am superior, sir, in many ways. But I would gladly give it up to be human.
Commander William T. Riker: Nice to meet you... Pinocchio.

Lt. Commander Data: Inquiry: the word... 'snoop'?
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Data, how can you be programed as a virtual encyclopedia of human information without knowing a simple word like 'snoop'?
Lt. Commander Data: Possibility: a kind of human behavior I was not designed to emulate.

Lt. Commander Data: Prejudice is very human.

Lt. Commander Data: Sorry, sir. I seem to be commenting on everything.
Commander William T. Riker: Good. Don't stop, my friend.

Admiral Leonard H. "Bones" McCoy: Well, this is a new ship. But she's got the right name. Now, you remember that, you hear?
Lt. Commander Data: I will, sir.
Admiral Leonard H. "Bones" McCoy: You treat her like a lady. And she'll always bring you home.

Lt. Commander Data: At least we are acquainted with the judge, Captain.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Masks (#7.17)" (1994)
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Geordi... What... does it feel like, when a person is losing his mind?

Lt. Cmdr. Data: I am different.

Lt. Cmdr. Data: Masaka is waking!

Lt. Cmdr. Data: [as the Old Man; describing and drawing the sign of Masaka's temple] A line, as the unending horizon. A curve, as the rolling hillside. A point, as a distant bird. A ray, as the rising sun.

Lt. Cmdr. Data: [as Ihat; on seeing Picard] Well, aren't we the persistent one.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Ihat.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Is anyone else so charming?

Lt. Cmdr. Data: [as Ihat; about Masaka] You can't imagine her rage. She lets people... die of thirst. Terrible death. Sometimes... she burns them alive. She is glorious.

Lt. Cmdr. Data: [as Ihat; afraid of being caught by Masaka] It seems... I was not fast enough.

[Data has taken the personality of Masaka. Picard faces him posing as Korgano]
Lt. Cmdr. Data: [as Masaka] Korgano.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: [as Korgano] Are you surprised to see me?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: I thought I had escaped you.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: You should know that is impossible.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: You are a fine hunter. But I am a powerful prey. You will never catch me.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Do you want to be the prey... forever?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: I thought I was alone. I thought I would not have to share the sky with you.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: But without me... you are not complete. I know you so well. You live for the chase - as do I. Will you not miss being the hunter? Pursuing me? Forcing me from the sky, so that you can rise again?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: You know me well, Korgano.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: I think... that you are beginning to tire. It is difficult brightening the sky forever.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Mm... I am getting sleepy. You always do that to me.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: So that you can wake with the dawn - and begin the hunt again.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Let the hunt begin again.
[sighs]
Lt. Cmdr. Data: I am eager for that.
[falls asleep]
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: As am I.

[last lines]
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Although I am... relieved to be rid of those alien personalities, in a sense, I am now... empty.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Mm, I can imagine. Doctor Crusher told me that there were possibly dozens of personalities inside you.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: I suspect the number was much greater. My impression is that there were thousands, of all ages and walks of life. It was a remarkable experience.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Well, Data, you never may become fully human, but you've had an experience that transcends the human condition; you've been an entire civilization.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Legacy (#4.6)" (1990)
Commander William T. Riker: Data, have you got a flush or a full house?
Lt. Commander Data: It will cost you twenty to make that determination, sir.

Doctor Beverly Crusher: You keep using the word 'peace'. We've heard a different version of life on Turkana IV.
Hayne: Ancient history. Where did you hear that?
Lt. Commander Data: A former crewman was born here.
Hayne: Where is he now?
Lt. Commander Data: *She* was killed in the line of duty.
Hayne: Yeah, that's as good a way to die as any.

Ishara Yar: Our parents were killed in some crossfire, just after I was born. Some people took care of us for a few months, but then... one day we came home and they were gone. So Tasha took care of me; and when I was old enough, I joined the Coalition.
Lt. Commander Data: Tasha did not?
Ishara Yar: My sister hated the cadres. She blamed them for our parents' death. For everything. You know, she refused to join, and she left as soon as she had the chance. I always thought she was weak for doing that. But... maybe I was wrong, maybe... maybe she made the right choice.

Ishara Yar: Are you able to have friends?
Lt. Commander Data: Yes.
Ishara Yar: But you don't have feelings, do you?
Lt. Commander Data: Not as such. However, even among humans, friendship is sometimes less an emotional response, and more a sense of... familiarity.
Ishara Yar: So, you can become used to someone.
Lt. Commander Data: Exactly. As I experience certain sensory input patterns, my mental pathways become accustomed to them. The input is eventually anticipated, and even missed when absent.

Ishara Yar: If it wasn't for my implant setting off all the alarms, I could guide you to your men.
Lt. Commander Data: We could remove the implant.
Ishara Yar: No. It has a micro-explosive inside that detonates on contact with air. When you join a cadre, you join for life.

Lt. Commander Data: [explaining why he supports Ishara Yar with such determination] We must free the crewmen. She appears to be our best hope of doing so. In addition... I have become used to her.

[last lines]
Commander William T. Riker: In all trust, there is the possibility of betrayal. I'm not sure you were... prepared for that.
Lt. Commander Data: Were you prepared, sir?
Commander William T. Riker: I don't think anybody ever is.
Lt. Commander Data: Hm... Then it is better not to trust?
Commander William T. Riker: Without trust, there's no friendship, no closeness. None of the emotional bonds that make us who we are.
Lt. Commander Data: And yet you put yourself at risk.
Commander William T. Riker: Every single time.
Lt. Commander Data: Perhaps I am fortunate, sir, to be spared the emotional consequences.
Commander William T. Riker: Perhaps.

Lt. Commander Data: Your friendship with me was part of the deception, was it not? You misled me at each step, and yet... I was completely unaware.

Ishara Yar: [before beaming back to her planet] You know, Data, I wasn't always lying to you. That time we spent talking... that was the closest thing to friendship I've ever had - if that means anything to you.
Lt. Commander Data: Energize.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Phantasms (#7.6)" (1993)
Lieutenant Worf: Mmm... Delicious.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: What kind of cake are you eating?
Lieutenant Worf: It is a cellular peptide cake... with mint frosting.

Lt. Cmdr. Data: Geordi, you do not seem to appreciate Ensign Tyler's enthusiasm.
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Mm, she's enthusiastic, all right - about me.

Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: You know, I'm curious. What were you dreaming about when we woke you up?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: I have not fully assimilated its impact. I would prefer to study the images further before discussing them.
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Mm... Sounds like it must've been pretty strange.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: 'Strange'... is not a sufficient adjective to describe the experience.

Dr. Sigmund Freud: [analyzing Data's dream] Now, zee image of Counselor Troi - a female - is devoured by you, clearly indicating an unconscious desire to possess your own mother.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: But I do not have a mother.
Dr. Sigmund Freud: Do not interrupt! Ze knife, in its violent connotation, suggests a certain feeling of sexual inadequacy.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: But I have no sexual desire.
Dr. Sigmund Freud: Ach! Impotence on top of everyssing! It is all becoming clear to me now.

Capt. Picard: Mr. Data, what kind of cake is this?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: It is a cellular peptide cake.
Lieutenant Worf: [with his mouth full] With mint frosting.

Lt. Cmdr. Data: [asking Worf to take care of Spot] He will need to be fed once a day. He prefers feline supplement number 25.
Lieutenant Worf: I understand.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: And he will require water. And you must provide him with a sandbox - and you must talk to him. Tell him he is a pretty cat, and a good cat...
Lieutenant Worf: I will feed him.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Perhaps that will be enough.

Lt. Cmdr. Data: Perhaps Dr. Freud was correct. The knife I dreamed about is the embodiment of my unconscious desire to inflict violence.
Counselor Deanna Troi: Data, even Freud said: sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

Lt. Cmdr. Data: I have often wondered what Spot dreams about. His twitching and rapid breathing would seem to suggest anxiety. But Spot has never seen a mouse, or any other form of Rodentia. He has never encountered an insect or been chased by a canine.

[last lines]
[Troi has made a cake in the shape of Data for Data]
Lt. Cmdr. Data: I wonder. What would Dr. Freud say about the symbolism of devouring oneself?
Counselor Deanna Troi: Data - sometimes a cake is just a cake.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: The Measure of a Man (#2.9)" (1989)
[in a tricky poker round between Data and Riker]
Lt. Commander Data: Is that what is known as a 'poker face'?

[Commander Maddox has proposed to dismantle Data in order to study him]
Capt. Picard: Well, we have a problem.
Lt. Commander Data: I find myself in complete agreement with that assessment of the situation, sir.

Lt. Commander Data: I am the culmination of one man's dream. This is not ego, or vanity. But when Dr. Soong created me, he added to the substance of the universe. If, by your experiments, I am destroyed, something unique, something wonderful will be lost. I cannot permit that. I must protect his dream.
Commander Bruce Maddox: And so must I.

Capt. Picard: Data... I understand your objections. But I have to consider Starfleet's interests. What if Commander Maddox is correct? There is a possibility that many more beings like yourself can be constructed.
Lt. Commander Data: Sir, Lieutenant La Forge's eyes are far superior to human biological eyes, true?
Capt. Picard: M-hm.
Lt. Commander Data: Then why are not all human officers required to have their eyes replaced with cybernetic implants?
[Picard considers this shortly, then looks away without giving an answer]
Lt. Commander Data: I see. It is precisely because I am *not* human.

Lt. Commander Data: As Doctor Pulaski would at this junction no doubt remind us, life is rarely fair.

[Picard activates Data's hologram of Tasha Yar]
Capt. Picard: You have no other portraits of your fellow crew members. Why this person?
Lt. Commander Data: I would prefer not to answer that question, sir. I gave my word.
Capt. Picard: [softly] Under the circumstances, I don't think Tasha would mind.
Lt. Commander Data: She was special to me, sir. We were... intimate.

[Data has formally refused to submit to Maddox]
Lt. Commander Data: And Commander, continue your work. When you are ready, I will still be here. I find some of what you propose... intriguing.

[last lines]
[Riker feels guilt about acting as Data's prosecutor and almost sealing his fate]
Lt. Commander Data: Is it not true that, had you refused to prosecute, Captain Louvois would have ruled summarily against me?
Commander William T. Riker: Yes.
Lt. Commander Data: That action injured you, and saved me. I will not forget it.
Commander William T. Riker: [smiles] You're a wise man, my friend.
Lt. Commander Data: Not yet, sir. But with your help, I am learning.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: The Child (#2.1)" (1988)
Dr. Kate Pulaski: Dah-ta, look at this.
Lt. Commander Data: [looking slightly confused] 'Day-ta'.
Dr. Kate Pulaski: What?
Lt. Commander Data: My name. It is pronounced 'Day-ta'.
Dr. Kate Pulaski: Oh?
Lt. Commander Data: You called me "Dah-ta".
Dr. Kate Pulaski: [laughing] What's the difference?
Lt. Commander Data: One is my name. The other is not.
Dr. Kate Pulaski: Is this possible?
[stands up and begins to run a scan on Data]
Dr. Kate Pulaski: With all of your neuro nets and hueristics? Is there some combination of circuits that make up a network for bruised feelings? Possible?
Lt. Commander Data: [Data smiles at the idea]

[Dr. Pulaski mentions that in her experience, the fathers were almost always present during their babies' delivery]
Counselor Deanna Troi: Difficult under the circumstances.
Lt. Commander Data: Perhaps *I* could serve in that capacity.
Dr. Kate Pulaski: Counselor Troi is going to need the comfort of a human touch and not the cold hand of technology.
Counselor Deanna Troi: Doctor, I think Commander Data will do very nicely.
Dr. Kate Pulaski: Your choice.

Counselor Deanna Troi: [right before giving birth] You don't have to do anything, Data. Just be with me.
Dr. Kate Pulaski: There's nothing to be nervous about.
Lt. Commander Data: Nervous? I find this very interesting.

Dr. Kate Pulaski: [to herself, analyzing a deadly virus] Some eager beaver at play.
Lt. Commander Data: Query - "Eager beaver"?
Dr. Kate Pulaski: Well, in this case, 'eager beaver' refers to some overachieving genetic engineer who - probably because of lack of anything better to do - has forced this strain of virus to mutate, just so he can see how bad bad can get.

Lt. Commander Data: [on Troi's delivery of Ian] Thank you for allowing me to participate. It was remarkable.
Counselor Deanna Troi: [Commander Riker approaches, smiling, Troi looks to him] Were you here all along?
Commander William T. Riker: Yes. He's beautiful, Deanna. Just like his mother.
[grins, leans in and kisses Deanna's cheek]
Dr. Kate Pulaski: How do you feel?
Counselor Deanna Troi: Fine. Wonderful.
[looks to the baby in her arms, then back to Pulaski]
Counselor Deanna Troi: Thank you, Doctor, for everything.
Dr. Kate Pulaski: Amazing.
Counselor Deanna Troi: [Deanna looks back to the baby again, smiling. A tear of happiness and joy rolls down her cheek, as she sighs a deep breath]

Commander William T. Riker: I don't mean to be indelicate,
[turns to Troi]
Commander William T. Riker: but who's the father?
Counselor Deanna Troi: Last night, *while I slept*, something, that I can only describe as a presence, entered my body.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: A life form of unknown origin and intent, is *breeding*, right now, inside of Counselor Troi. Our purpose here today is determine what course of action we need to take.
Lieutenant Worf: The decision is clear. The pregnancy must be terminated to protect the ship.
Commander William T. Riker: [as the bridge crew is discussing the issue, Troi hears a heartbeat within her mind, and looks down at her stomach, then back up to the conference room screen which shows a gestating fetus. The crew's voices are muffled, but can still be clearly heard as Troi is focusing on the baby growing inside her] This situation presents a danger to us and the counselor. It's an invasion, of what, I don't know.
Lt. Commander Data: Captain, this is a life form. Denying it the right to survive, takes away our opportunity to study it.

Counselor Deanna Troi: [Data encounters Counselor Troi in the corridor, breathing heavily and holding her stomach] Data? Would you help me to Sickbay?
[Data acknowledges and takes Deanna by the arm, helping her]
Counselor Deanna Troi: [the doors open to Sickbay, Data and Deanna enter] It's time!
Dr. Kate Pulaski: [runs up] Oh, you bet it is! Let's get you to maternity!
[takes Deanna by the arm]
Lt. Commander Data: [clicks his combadge] Security team to sickbay.
Dr. Kate Pulaski: Is that really necessary?
Lt. Commander Data: Yes, Doctor. Captain's orders.
Dr. Kate Pulaski: I don't see the need for *armed guards* in the delivery room.
[shakes her head]
Dr. Kate Pulaski: . This way.

Dr. Kate Pulaski: [Pulaski rushes in and begins to examine Ian] What happened? Did he eat anything, did he fall?
Counselor Deanna Troi: [shakes her head] No!
Lt. Commander Data: [reads the readout on his tricorder] Commander, the child is the source of the unusual radiation.
Counselor Deanna Troi: Ian said he was the reason the ship was in danger.
Lt. Commander Data: That analysis is correct.
Dr. Kate Pulaski: [continues to try to bring Ian around] I'm losing life signs.
Counselor Deanna Troi: [holds Ian's lifeless hand] You must save him!
Dr. Kate Pulaski: [Pulaski continues to work, but to no success. She runs her scanner over Ian again, then bows her head] I'm sorry.
[Troi kneels down and begins to weep over the loss of her son. Suddenly, Ian's body disappears and becomes a small, radiant star of energy. The energy star floats into Troi's open hands and Deanna cups her hands around it. Her weeping slowly subsides, then she smiles. Finally, like releasing a dove, she opens her hands and the energy star floats up and through the bulkhead into space]
Lieutenant Geordi La Forge: [Riker's combadge beeps] Riker here.
Lieutenant Geordi La Forge: Commander, the containment field has... stabilized!
Commander William T. Riker: Thank you, Lieutenant.
Counselor Deanna Troi: Then Ian was right. He was the cause.
Commander William T. Riker: Apparently so.
Counselor Deanna Troi: [Deanna shakes her head and looks down for a moment, then looks back up at everyone] He is a life force entity. When we passed each other in space, he was curious about us, so he thought the best way to learn, was to go through the process. To be born, to live as one of us, and in that way, to understand us. He never meant any harm.
Commander William T. Riker: There was a moment, when you smiled.
Counselor Deanna Troi: He said "Thank you". I told him, we will miss him.
[looks down again]
Counselor Deanna Troi: And, I will.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Peak Performance (#2.21)" (1989)
Lt. Cmdr. Data: For over nine millennia, potential foes have regarded the Zakdorns as having the greatest innately strategic minds in the galaxy.
Lieutenant Worf: So, no one is willing to test that perception in combat?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Exactly.
Lieutenant Worf: Then the reputation means nothing.

[Data is taking on Sirna Kolrami in a game of Strategema and getting some last-minute advice from Dr. Pulaski]
Lt. Commander Data: In the present context, what did she mean by "bust him up"?
Counselor Deanna Troi: In her own way, Dr. Pulaski was instructing you to take the shortest route to victory.
Lt. Commander Data: As opposed to what?

Lt. Cmdr. Data: If the warp engines fail to function, the result could be... unfortunate.
Lieutenant Worf: Very unfortunate. We will be dead.

[Data and Troi are analyzing Riker's tactical abilities]
Lt. Commander Data: The weaker his position, the more aggressive will be his posture.
Counselor Deanna Troi: And he won't give up.
Lt. Commander Data: Then, despite whatever... options he is given, he must be...
Counselor Deanna Troi: ...the man that he is, exactly.
Lt. Commander Data: Hm... Is that a failing in humans?
Counselor Deanna Troi: You'll have to decide that for yourself.

[the Enterprise is facing a real battle with a Ferengi ship]
Lt. Commander Data: Our shields will not withstand another assault, sir.
Sirna Kolrami: Then there are no options. Retreat - or die!

[despite Data's reservations, Dr. Pulaski has suggested that he play Kolrami in a game of Strategema]
Sirna Kolrami: Play against a machine - hmm... Why should I wish to?
Doctor Pulaski: I don't blame you. It's no fun going into a game when you know you're going to lose.
Sirna Kolrami: But I wouldn't lose. Now you're no doubt going to tell me that I have to prove it to you.
Doctor Pulaski: Come on, Data, you can't let that pass!
Lt. Commander Data: Indeed, I...
[Pulaski, imploringly, mouths "please" to him]
Lt. Commander Data: ...cannot.

[Data has lost his first match against Kolrami]
Doctor Pulaski: How can you lose? You're supposed to be infallible!
Lt. Commander Data: [puzzled] Obviously... I am not.

[last lines]
[Data explains his strategy during his rematch of Strategema against Kolrami]
Lt. Commander Data: I was playing for a standoff, a draw. While Kolrami was dedicated to winning, I was able to pass up obvious avenues of advancement, then settle for a balance. Theoretically, I should be able to challenge him indefinitely.
Doctor Pulaski: Then you *have* beaten him.
Lt. Commander Data: It is a matter of perspective, Doctor. In the strictest sense, I did not win.
Counselor Deanna Troi, Doctor Pulaski: Data!
Lt. Commander Data: I busted him up.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Hero Worship (#5.11)" (1992)
Lt. Commander Data: I have been told that imitation is the highest form of flattery.

[Data is trying to dress Timothy's hair, who keeps wiggling his head]
Lt. Commander Data: Timothy, your head movements are counterproductive. Can you be still?
Timothy: But you do it.
Lt. Commander Data: [puzzled] The servo-mechanisms in my neck are designed to approximate human movements. I did not realize the effect was so distracting.

Lt. Commander Data: Timothy - androids do not lie.

[Data and Troi are watching Timothy playing with other children]
Lt. Commander Data: He laughed!
Counselor Deanna Troi: Yes. It's nice to see, isn't it?
Lt. Commander Data: It is certainly not consistent with his android persona.
Counselor Deanna Troi: I'd say he's beginning the process of letting go of that fantasy.
Lt. Commander Data: Hm. Then my work with him is done.
Counselor Deanna Troi: No, I... I don't think it is, Data. A laugh is one step in the right direction. We need to help him take a few more steps.

Lt. Commander Data: I have often wondered what it must be like to have one's... mouth water in anticipation of the arrival of a confection. Or to feel the pleasure I have observed in humans as they consume it.

Lt. Commander Data: I have often wished to be human. I study people carefully, in order to more closely approximate human behavior.
Timothy: Why? We're stronger and smarter than humans. We can do more than they can.
Lt. Commander Data: But I cannot take pride in my abilities. I cannot take pleasure in my accomplishments.
Timothy: But... we never have to feel bad either.
Lt. Commander Data: I would gladly risk feeling bad at times, if it also meant that I could... taste my dessert.

Lt. Commander Data: Hello, Timothy.
Timothy: Hi, Data. How are you?
Lt. Commander Data: I am operating within established parameters. How are you?
Timothy: I miss my parents. But... I'm okay.

[last lines]
Timothy: Can we still do things together? Even if I'm not really an android?
Lt. Commander Data: I have many human friends. I would be pleased to count you among them.
Timothy: That would be...
[he takes on an 'androidish' expression]
Timothy: ...acceptable.
[smiles]

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Inheritance (#7.10)" (1993)
Dr. Juliana Tainer: Deanna Troi - is that who you're going to visit?
Lt. Commander Data: Yes.
Dr. Juliana Tainer: Your father would be so pleased.
Lt. Commander Data: Pleased?
Dr. Juliana Tainer: Well, he was worried that the sexuality program he designed for you wouldn't work.

Dr. Juliana Tainer: [answering an earlier question from Data] No, I wouldn't have left you behind if you'd been my biological child.
Lt. Commander Data: Hm... Is that because you place more value on biological life than artificial life?
Dr. Juliana Tainer: Absolutely not! I cherished every android your father and I created as if it *were* my child, even Lore - despite the fact that he turned on us, despite the dreadful things he did. Dismantling him was the most difficult thing I ever had to do. I was afraid that if you turned out like him, I would have to dismantle you too... And I couldn't bear to do that. I'm not trying to justify leaving you behind. I'm just sorry I did.

[Data has just found out about his early years and - to his surprise - about his "mother"]
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Part of being human is learning how to deal with the unexpected - to risk new experiences, even when they don't fit into your preconceptions.
Lt. Commander Data: I admit I am finding it difficult to accept the possibility of a past about which I know nothing. But it is also true, I am curious to learn more about it.

Lt. Commander Data: I would like to get to know you better... Mother.

[Dr. Tainer has praised Data's violin play]
Dr. Juliana Tainer: And considering that giving you a creative aspect was my idea. Oh, your father didn't really see the point. He thought that since you didn't have emotions, there would be no real need for you to express yourself. Somehow, I had the feeling the opposite would be true.
Lt. Commander Data: I do not know for certain. But I believe it is during my creative endeavors that I come closest to experiencing what it must be like to be human.
Dr. Juliana Tainer: Well... I'm glad I insisted.

[Dr. Soong's hologram has asked Data not to reveal to Dr. Tainer that she is an android]
Lt. Commander Data: Then you do not believe she should know the truth?
Dr. Noonien Soong: The truth? Truth is - in every way that matters - she *is* Juliana Soong. I programmed her to terminate after a long life. Let her live out her days - and die, believing she was human.

Lt. Commander Data: [to Dr. Tainer] There is something I think you should know. My father told me... that he had only one great love in his life; and that he regretted never telling her how much he cared for her. I am certain he was referring to you.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: The Most Toys (#3.22)" (1990)
Kivas Fajo: Data. You will be catered to... fawned over, cared for, as you never have been before. Your every wish will be fulfilled.
Lt. Commander Data: I wish to leave.
Kivas Fajo: Almost every wish.

Lt. Commander Data: I have been designed with a fundamental respect for life in all its forms, and a strong inhibition against causing harm to living beings.
Kivas Fajo: What a marvelous contradiction - a military pacifist!

[after being beamed aboard, Data hands over a weapon to Riker]
Lt. Commander Data: A Varon-T disrupter. It belongs to Fajo.
Commander William T. Riker: Mr. O'Brien says the weapon was in a state of discharge.
Lt. Commander Data: [with an unreadable poker face] Perhaps something occurred during transport, Commander.

Lt. Commander Data: I must emphasize, Mr. Fajo, that I consider this captivity a hostile act on your part.
Kivas Fajo: [indifferently] Oh, well... you'll get used to it.

Lt. Commander Data: Clearly Mr. Fajo has no moral difficulty with my imprisonment here.
Varria: Mr. Fajo has no moral difficulties... at all.

Varria: Kivas finds ways to get what he wants from his people. His rewards for loyalty are lavish! His punishments for disloyalty are equally...
[she touches her chin, possibly in reminiscence of some bad incident]
Varria: ...lavish. You won't find anyone here on this ship to help you escape. Face it, android: he has you!
[she leaves the room]
Lt. Commander Data: [calling after her] It appears... he has us both.

[last lines]
Lt. Commander Data: Your collection has been confiscated. All of your stolen possessions are being returned to their rightful owners. You have lost everything you value.
Kivas Fajo: [scornfully] That must give you great pleasure.
Lt. Commander Data: No, sir. It does not. I do not feel pleasure - I am only an android.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: The Naked Now (#1.2)" (1987)
Lt. Tasha Yar: What I want now is gentleness. And joy... and love. From you, Data; you are fully functional, aren't you?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Of course, but...
Lt. Tasha Yar: How fully?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: In every way, of course. I am programed in multiple techniques. A broad variety of pleasuring.
Lt. Tasha Yar: Oh! You jewel, that's exactly what I hoped!

Lt. Cmdr. Data: We are more alike than unlike, my dear Captain. I have pores; humans have pores. I have... fingerprints; humans have fingerprints. My chemical nutrients are like your blood. If you prick me - do I not... leak?

Doctor Beverly Crusher: If you were any more perfect, Data, I'd have to write you up in a Starfleet medical textbook.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: I am already listed in several bio-mechanical texts, Doctor.
Doctor Beverly Crusher: Yes - of course...

Lt. Cmdr. Data: There was a rather peculiar limerick, being delivered by someone in the shuttlecraft bay. I am not sure I understand it... "There was a young lady from Venus, whose body was shaped like a... "
Capt. Picard: Captain to Security, come in!
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Did I say something wrong?
Lieutenant Worf: I don't understand their humor either.

Lt. Cmdr. Data: I believe that last sound was an emergency hatch being blown.
Capt. Picard: Are you certain? Yes, of course you are.

Lt. Tasha Yar: Do you know how old I was when I was abandoned?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Chronological age? No. I am afraid I am not familiar with...
Lt. Tasha Yar: Five. Five years old. But I survived. I learned how to stay alive, how to avoid the rape gangs. I was fifteen before I escaped.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: I am sorry. I did not know.

Capt. Picard: Number One, it seems our Security Chief has the equivalent of a snootful.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Inquiry, sir - 'snootful'?
Capt. Picard: Forget it.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Pen Pals (#2.15)" (1989)
Sarjenka: Is anybody out there?
Lt. Commander Data: Yes.

Lt. Commander Data: Eight weeks ago, I received a transmission. A simple four word message. "Is anybody out there?" I answered it.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: There is a... a loneliness inherent in that whisper from the darkness.
Lt. Commander Data: Yes, sir. I am glad you understand, sir.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: But it didn't end there.
Lt. Commander Data: No, sir. We speak often. It is a young female, humanoid.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Her society is aware that there is interstellar life?
Lt. Commander Data: No, sir.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Oops.

[the Enterprise is investigating unusual geological activity in the Selcundi Drema sector]
Lt. Commander Data: Commander, I have been reviewing the unmanned probe scans. At some point during the last 150 years, the fifth planet of Selcundi Drema has shattered, forming an asteroid belt.
Commander William T. Riker: I'd call that geological instability.
Lieutenant Worf: Is there any indication that this is the work of an unknown intelligence?
Commander William T. Riker: This is geology, not malevolence. These planets live fast and die hard. The question is, why?

Lt. Commander Data: Captain, your orders were to deliver the message, correct?
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Yes.
Lt. Commander Data: Then, what is the difference between sending the message and delivering it personally?
Commander William T. Riker: A whopping big one, and you know it.

Lt. Commander Data: The Dremans are not a subject for philosophical debate. They are a people.

Captain Jean-Luc Picard: You reminded us that there are obligations that go beyond duty.
Lt. Commander Data: I appreciate your seeking other options, sir. Your decision could have been unilateral.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: One of my officers, one of my friends, was troubled. I had to help. Is Sarjenka safely home?
Lt. Commander Data: Yes, sir. She will not remember me, sir, but I will remember her.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Remembrance and regrets, they, too, are a part of friendship.
Lt. Commander Data: Yes, sir.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: And understanding that has brought you a step closer to understanding humanity.

Sarjenka: You have many different kinds of people here.
Lt. Commander Data: Yes.
Sarjenka: When I'm bigger, can I be on your ship?
Lt. Commander Data: I am certain that you could.
Sarjenka: I wish I could come with you now.
Lt. Commander Data: I am afraid that is not possible.
Sarjenka: I know, but I can still wish for it.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Datalore (#1.12)" (1988)
Wesley Crusher: How can you be practicing something like sneezing when we're arriving at your home planet for the first time? Aren't you interested in that?
Lt. Commander Data: More than interested - fascinated. One might say, agog. But I also find sneezing interesting.

Lt. Commander Data: I could say 'Home, sweet home', sir - if I understood how the word 'sweet' applies.

Lt. Commander Data: [after discovering the disassembled Lore] Could this be another me? Or possibly my brother?

Lt. Commander Data: You consider it important to please humans?
Lore: It's not important?
Lt. Commander Data: There are many things of importance - some more than others.

Lore: Dr. Soong made me perfect in his first attempt. But he made me so completely human, the colonists became envious of me.
Lt. Commander Data: You lived with the colonists?
Lore: [nods] Until they petitioned Soong to make a more comfortable, less perfect android. In other words, you, Brother.

Lt. Commander Data: How sad, dear Brother. You make me wish I were an only child.

Capt. Picard: Data? You all right?
Lt. Commander Data: Yes, sir. I'm fine.
Capt. Picard: Then get rid of that damn twitch! And put on the correct uniform.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Birthright: Part 1 (#6.16)" (1993)
Lt. Commander Data: [asked why he refers to other cultures to interpret his vision] The interpretation of visions and other metaphysical experiences are almost always culturally derived. And I have no culture of my own.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Yes, you do. You're a culture of one. Which is no less valid than a culture of one billion.

[Dr. Bashir has commented on Data's more "human" attributes]
Lt. Commander Data: Most people are interested in my extraordinary abilities - how fast I can compute, my memory capacity, how long I will live. No one has ever asked me if my hair will grow, or noticed that I can breathe.
Doctor Bashir: Well, your creator went to a lot of trouble to make you seem human. I find that fascinating.

[during a shutdown, Data has experienced some kind of vision]
Doctor Bashir: Maybe you had a dream, or a hallucination.
Lt. Commander Data: I am not capable of either of those functions.
Doctor Bashir: Yet you can't account for what happened today, can you?
Lt. Commander Data: At present, I cannot.
Doctor Bashir: Well, maybe you should approach this from a more human standpoint. You're right that machines can't have hallucinations. But then again - most machines can't grow hair.

Lt. Commander Data: I do not understand.
Dr. Noonien Soong: You're not supposed to. No man should know where his dreams come from. It spoils the mystery - the fun.

Dr. Noonien Soong: I wasn't sure you'd ever develop the cognitive abilities to make it this far. But if you're here, if you can see me... you've crossed over the threshold from being a collection of circuits and subprocessors, and have started a wonderful journey.
Lt. Commander Data: What type of journey?
Dr. Noonien Soong: Think of it... think of it as an empty sky.
Lt. Commander Data: I do not understand.
Dr. Noonien Soong: Sshhh. Just dream, Data. Dream.

Lt. Commander Data: I have created 23 individual illustrations in the past six hours, 27 minutes. I believe you could say... I have been inspired.
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: I'll say.

Doctor Bashir: Remarkable. You know, this is just the kind of thing that might get me published in the Starfleet Cybernetics Journal. Would you mind if I authored a paper on all this?
Lt. Commander Data: Of course not.
Doctor Bashir: Thank you, Data. And... sweet dreams.

Star Trek: Generations (1994)
[Data, with his new emotion chip installed, is told to scan for life forms]
Data: I would be happy to, sir. I just *love* scanning for life forms!
[sings]
Data: Life forms! You tiny little life forms! You precious little life forms! Where are you?

[Data finds a drink unpleasant - for the first time ever]
Data: I hate this! It is revolting!
Guinan: More?
Data: Please!

Data: I get it! "The clown can stay, but the Ferengi in the gorilla suit has to leave!" I get it!
Geordi: Data, what do you get?
Data: The Farpoint mission! You told a joke; that was the punchline!
Geordi: The Farpoint mission? Data, that was seven years ago.
Data: I know! I just got it! Very funny!

Geordi: I've never seen a solar probe with this kind of configuration, have you, Data?
Data: [uses tricorder as a hand puppet]
Data: No, Geordi, I have not. Have you?
Data: [to his tricorder]
Data: No, I have not. It is most unusual, Mister Tricorder!

Data: [using profanity for the first time] Oh, shit.

[Data has found his cat Spot safe and alive in the Enterprise wreckage]
Data: [happily] Spot!
[Data cradles Spot, and begins crying]
Troi: Data? Are you all right?
Data: [tears streaming] I am happy to see Spot, yet I am crying! Perhaps the chip is malfunctioning.
Troi: [smiling] I think it's working just fine.

Data: [uses a device in his arm to open a door] Open sesame! You could say I have a magnetic personality.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: The Quality of Life (#6.9)" (1992)
[Data enters sickbay when Dr. Crusher is treating her arm after a fighting lesson with Worf]
Lt. Commander Data: Doctor... Are you injured?
Doctor Beverly Crusher: Only my pride, Data.

Doctor Beverly Crusher: [on the definition of life] The broadest scientific definition might be that life is what enables plants and animals to consume food, derive energy from it, grow, adapt themselves to their surroundings, and reproduce.
Lt. Commander Data: Hm... And you suggest that anything that exhibits these characteristics is considered alive?
Doctor Beverly Crusher: In general, yes.
Lt. Commander Data: What about fire?
Doctor Beverly Crusher: Fire?
Lt. Commander Data: Yes. It consumes fuel to produce energy, it grows, it creates offspring. By your definition, is it alive?
Doctor Beverly Crusher: Fire is a chemical reaction. You could use the same argument for growing crystals, but obviously we don't consider them alive.
Lt. Commander Data: And what about me? I do not grow; I do not reproduce. Yet I am considered to be alive.
Doctor Beverly Crusher: That's true. But you are unique.
Lt. Commander Data: Hm... I wonder if that is so.

Lt. Commander Data: I am curious as to what transpired between the moment when I was nothing more than an assemblage of parts in Dr. Soong's laboratory, and the next moment, when I became alive. What is it that endowed me with life?
Doctor Beverly Crusher: I remember Wesley asking me a similar question when he was little, and I tried desperately to give him an answer. But everything I said sounded inadequate. Then I realized that scientists and philosophers have been grappling with that question for centuries without coming to any conclusion.
Lt. Commander Data: Are you saying the question cannot be answered?
Doctor Beverly Crusher: No - I think I'm saying that we struggle all our lives to answer it, that it's the struggle that is important. That's what helps us to define our place in the universe.

Dr. Farallon: [referring to Data] I have nothing but the utmost respect and admiration for Dr. Soong's accomplishment. But his intention was to create an artificial life form. *I* created the exocomps to be tools. And there is a big difference between Data and a tool.
Lt. Commander Data: Doctor, there is a big difference between you and a virus. But both are alive.

Lt. Commander Data: I have observed that humans often base their judgments on what is referred to as instinct or intuition. Because I am a machine, I lack that particular ability. However, it may be possible that I have insight into other machines, that humans lack.

Lt. Commander Data: [to Dr. Crusher] You said earlier that I am unique. If so, then I am alone in the universe. When I began investigating the exocomps, I realized that I might be encountering a progenitor of myself. Suddenly the possibility existed that I am no longer alone.

[last lines]
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Something more, Mr. Data?
Lt. Commander Data: Yes, sir. I thought you might want to know why I was willing to risk your life for several small machines.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: I think I understand the predicament you were in. It could not have been an easy choice.
Lt. Commander Data: No, sir, it was not. When my own status as a living being was in question, you fought to protect my rights. And for that I will always be grateful. The exocomps had no such advocate. If I had not acted on their behalf, they would have been destroyed. I could not allow that to happen, sir.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Of course you couldn't. It was the most human decision you've ever made.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Brothers (#4.3)" (1990)
Lt. Commander Data: Why did you create me?
Dr. Noonien Soong: Why does a painter paint? Hm? Why does a boxer box? You know what Michelangelo used to say? That the sculptures he made were already there before he started, hidden in the marble. All he needed to do was - ssht - remove the unneeded bits. Wasn't quite that easy with you, Data. But the need to do it, my need to do it, was no different than Michelangelo's need.

[Data has theorized that humans need a sense of continuity to give their lives meaning]
Dr. Noonien Soong: And, uh... this continuity - does it only run one way? Backwards? To the past?
Lt. Commander Data: I suppose it is a factor in the human desire to procreate.
Dr. Noonien Soong: Oh. So you believe... that having children gives humans a sense... of immortality. Do you?
Lt. Commander Data: It is a reasonable explanation to your query, sir.
Dr. Noonien Soong: And to yours as well, Data.

Lt. Commander Data: I am not less perfect than Lore.

[Dr. Soong is dying]
Dr. Noonien Soong: Everybody dies, Data. Well... almost everybody.
Lt. Commander Data: Do you believe that we are... in some way alike, sir?
Dr. Noonien Soong: In many ways, I'd like to believe.
Lt. Commander Data: Then it is all right for you to die. Because I will remain alive.

Lt. Commander Data: You know that I cannot grieve for you, sir.
Dr. Noonien Soong: You will - in your own way. Goodbye. Goodbye, Data.
Lt. Commander Data: Goodbye... Father.

[last lines]
Lt. Commander Data: The boys appear to have reconciled their differences.
Doctor Beverly Crusher: They're brothers, Data. Brothers forgive.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: The Schizoid Man (#2.6)" (1989)
Dr. Ira Graves: [examining Data] Looks like Soong's work.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Quite correct, sir. Did you know Dr. Soong?
Dr. Ira Graves: Know him? I taught him everything he knows. You could say that I was the father of his work.
[laughs]
Dr. Ira Graves: Which, uh, kinda makes me your grandfather, doesn't it, sonny?

Lt. Cmdr. Data: I have noticed, Grandpa, that you keep repeating the same notes of a musical phrase I am unfamiliar with.
Dr. Ira Graves: Oh, it's a, it's an ancient little tune called "If I Only Had a Heart" - a plaintive lament sung by a mechanical man who longs to be human. It's his only wish.

Dr. Ira Graves: I'm an incredible man, possessing a, an iron will and nerves of steel - two traits that have helped me become the genius I am today as well as the lady killer I was in days gone by.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: You condone homicide, sir?

Lieutenant Geordi La Forge: Did you damage your face, Data?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: It is a beard, Geordi.

Lt. Cmdr. Data: Geordi.
Lieutenant Geordi La Forge: Yeah.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: May I ask a question?
Lieutenant Geordi La Forge: I think you just did.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Quite correct. Then may I ask another question after this one?
Lieutenant Geordi La Forge: You can ask me anything you want.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Why am I lying on the floor in this undignified position, with the four of you standing over me, displaying expressions of conc...
Capt. Picard: I've heard more than enough. You're you again.

[last lines]
Wesley Crusher: And you don't remember anything?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Not a thing.
Wesley Crusher: "To know him is to love him is to know him"?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Perhaps it is best that I do not remember. I trust I did nothing... unbecoming to a Starfleet officer?
Commander William T. Riker: Does wrestling with a Klingon targ ring a bell?
Capt. Picard: Mr. Crusher, take us out of orbit.
Wesley Crusher: Aye, sir.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Did I win?

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Lonely Among Us (#1.6)" (1987)
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: The immortal Sherlock Holmes would have an interesting view of our mystery, I believe.
Commander William T. Riker: But I'm afraid we're going to have to find our solution... without history's greatest consulting detective.
Lt. Commander Data: [to himself, inaudibly] Holmes...?

Lt. Commander Data: A mystery is only a mystery as long as it remains uninvestigated, sir.

Lieutenant Tasha Yar: We can learn something from non-disclosure?
Lt. Commander Data: [smoking pipe] Indubitably, my good woman.
[Yar looks quizzically at Riker]
Commander William T. Riker: It's something the Captain mentioned. Sherlock Holmes. Indubitably, Data has been studying him.

Lt. Commander Data: It's elementary, my dear Riker. Sir.

Lt. Commander Data: [quoting Sherlock Holmes] We must fall back on the old axiom, that when other contingencies fail, whatever remains, however improbable... must be the truth.

Lt. Commander Data: I believe the Captain is now his separate self, sir. Much of what happened is naturally missing.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: What're you talking about, Data? Is this still Sherlock Holmes?
Lt. Commander Data: Indubitably, sir. Indubitably.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Hmm. Well, at least you got rid of the damned pipe.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: A Fistful of Datas (#6.8)" (1992)
Lt. Commander Data: Spot, you are disrupting my ability to work.
[he puts Spot to the floor, but she jumps back on Data's desk]
Spot: Meow.
Lt. Commander Data: Vamoose, ye little varmint!

[La Forge is working on Data's open head]
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: I must admit, Data, I never get used to seeing you like this.
Lt. Commander Data: I do not understand. You are constantly working on similar electronic systems, yet their appearances do not disturb you.
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Yeah, but you're not just another electronic system.
Lt. Commander Data: Thank you, Geordi. Nor are you just another biological organism.

[after Spot has refused Data's special cat food mixture]
Lt. Commander Data: I find it extremely difficult to predict what you will find acceptable. Perhaps hunger will compel you to try it again.

[several computer systems have been corrupted with Data's personal database]
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: When can you correct the problem?
Lt. Commander Data: We are currently attempting to isolate the corrupted circuit pathways. I reckon the process should take less than two hours.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: What did you say?
Lt. Commander Data: I said the process should take less than two hours.
Commander William T. Riker: No, you just said 'I reckon'.
Lt. Commander Data: According to my memory logs, I did not use those words. Y'all must be mistaken.
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: There - Data, you did it again.
Lt. Commander Data: [southern accent] Did wha-t?

Commander William T. Riker: Mr. Data.
Lt. Commander Data: [southern accent] Howdy, Commander.
Commander William T. Riker: Geordi, what have you found?
Lt. Commander Data: [southern accent] Well - we figure part of my memory structure...
Lt. Commander Data: [normal voice] ... was replaced with information from the computer's recreational database.
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Specifically, the files relating to the American 19th century West.
Commander William T. Riker: That would explain the accent.
Lt. Commander Data: [southern accent] You got it, partner.

Lt. Commander Data: Commander - you just sit tight. We'll have this all fixed up in time for supper.

Star Trek: Insurrection (1998)
Data: I feel obliged to point out that the environmental anomalies may have stimulated certain rebellious instincts common to youth, which could affect everyone's judgment... Except mine of course.
Cmdr. Beverly Crusher: Okay Data. What do *you* think we should do?
Data: Saddle up, lock and load!

Data: In the event of a water landing, I have been designed to act as a flotation device.

Data: I seem to be missing several memory engrams.
[Geordi shows him several microchips he is holding in his hand]
Data: There they are.

[there is a blemish on Worf's face]
Captain Picard: Have you been in a fight, Mr Worf?
Lieutenant Commander Worf: [sighs] No sir... it is a "gorch".
Captain Picard: Gorch?
Data: [whispers] Pimple, sir.
Captain Picard: Oh... it's hardly noticeable.

Captain Picard: Data, what's the last thing you remember?
Data: [singing] His nose should pant, and his lip should curl...
Captain Picard: From the mission.

Counselor Deanna Troi: Have you noticed how your boobs have firmed up?
Cmdr. Beverly Crusher: Not that we care about that in this day and age.
Counselor Deanna Troi: Uh huh.
Cmdr. Beverly Crusher: [notices Data] Thank you, Data.
Data: [walks over to Worf]
Lieutenant Commander Worf: I've an odd craving for the blood of a live Kolar beast.
Data: And have you noticed how your boobs have firmed up? Not that we care about tha...

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: All Good Things... (#7.25)" (1994)
Picard: It's like the chicken and the egg, Will, the chicken and the egg! We-we think it started in the past, but it didn't. It started right here, in the future! That's why it's getting larger in the past.
Data: I think I know what the Captain is talking about. If I'm not mistaken, he's describing a paradox.
Picard: Yes, right, that's it!

[Data's last line of the series]
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Would you care to deal, sir?

Jessel: [to La Forge] If you're really his friend, you'll get him to take that gray out of his 'air.
Data: Jessel...
Jessel: Looks like a bloody skunk!

O'Brien: We have to realign the entire power grid. We'll all be burning the midnight oil on this one.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: [passing] That would be inadvisable.
O'Brien: Excuse me?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: If you attempt to ignite a petroleum product on this ship at 0000 hours, you will activate the fire suppression system, which would seal off this entire compartment.
O'Brien: That was just an expression.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Expression of what?
O'Brien: A figure of speech. I was trying to tell him that we'd be working late.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Ah. Then 'to burn the midnight oil' implies late work?
O'Brien: Yeah, that's right.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Hm. I am curious. What is the etymology of that idiom?
O'Brien: Hm?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: How did it come to be used in contemporary language?
O'Brien: I-I don't know, sir.

Lt. Cmdr. Data: It appears we will be required to ignite the midnight petroleum, sir.
[Data's version of 'burning the midnight oil']

Capt. Picard: [of Q] He's always had a certain fascination with humanity, with myself in particular. I think he has more than a passing interest in what happens to me.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: That is true. Q's interest in you has always been very similar to that of a master and his beloved pet.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: The Defector (#3.10)" (1989)
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: I don't know, Data, my gut tells me we ought to be listening to what this guy's trying to tell us.
Lt. Commander Data: Your gut?
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: It's just a... a feeling, you know, an instinct. Intuition.
Lt. Commander Data: But those qualities would interfere with rational judgment, would they not?
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: You're right, sometimes they do.
Lt. Commander Data: Then... why not rely strictly on the facts?
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Because you just can't rely on the plain and simple facts. Sometimes they lie.

[Data is intently observing "Setal"]
Admiral Jarok: [as Setal] I take it you have never seen a Romulan before.
Lt. Commander Data: That would be an incorrect assumption.
Admiral Jarok: Then why do you invade my privacy?
Lt. Commander Data: I was attempting to ascertain what my 'guts' tell me about you.

Lt. Commander Data: I am told by various crew members that this viewport is their favorite on the ship.
Admiral Jarok: [as Setal] Hm... I thought it would bring me some comfort. But these are not my stars. Even the heavens are denied me here.

Admiral Jarok: [as Setal] You're the android. I know a host of Romulan cyberneticists that would love to be this close to you.
Lt. Commander Data: I do not find that concept particularly appealing.
Admiral Jarok: Nor should you.

[last lines]
[Admiral Jarok has committed suicide]
Commander William T. Riker: [handing a data PADD to Picard] A letter to his wife and daughter.
Lt. Commander Data: Sir, he must have known it would be impossible for us to deliver it.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Today, perhaps. But if there are others with the courage of Admiral Jarok, we may hope to see a day of peace when... we can take his letter home.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: The Neutral Zone (#1.25)" (1988)
Lt. Commander Data: [on the Human female] Her name is Clare Raymond. Age: 35. Occupation: homemaker. Must be some kind of construction work.

Lt. Commander Data: They are the most unusual humans I have ever encountered.
Commander William T. Riker: Well, from what I've seen of our guests, there's not much to redeem them. Makes one wonder how our species survived the 21st century.

Ralph Offenhouse: [over comm] This is the worst run ship I have ever been on. You should take some lessons from the QE2. Now, that's an efficient operation!
Capt. Picard: Data, identify: what is a QE2?
Lt. Commander Data: It was a passenger liner, which mostly traveled Earth's Atlantic Ocean during the late 20th and early 21st centuries.
Capt. Picard: He's comparing the Enterprise to a *cruise ship*?

L. Q. 'Sonny' Clemonds: What's this 'Neutral Zone'?
Lt. Commander Data: It is a buffer between the Romulan Empire and the Federation.
L. Q. 'Sonny' Clemonds: Why does that make me nervous?
Lt. Commander Data: I do not know.
L. Q. 'Sonny' Clemonds: Well, we won't be invitin' these Romulans to our party, will we?
Lt. Commander Data: No, that would not be... appropriate.

Lt. Commander Data: Inquiry: you do not seem to be having as much difficulty adjusting to your current circumstances as the others.
L. Q. 'Sonny' Clemonds: You mean bein' here on this tub, 400 years from where I started? Oh, heck, it's the same dance, it's just a different tune.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Devil's Due (#4.13)" (1991)
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: A wise man once said: "There is a sucker born every minute."
Lt. Commander Data: P.T. Barnum.

[Data is playing Ebenezer Scrooge in "A Christmas Carol", facing the ghost of Jacob Marley]
Jacob Marley: Why do you doubt your senses?
Lt. Commander Data: [as Scrooge] Because... a little thing affects them. A slight disorder of the stomach makes them cheats. You may be a bit of undigested beef, a... blot of mustard, a... crumb of cheese, a fragment of an underdone potato. Why, there's more of gravy than of grave about you, whatever you are. Humbug, I tell you. Humbug.

Lt. Commander Data: Since I have no emotional awareness to create a performance, I am attempting to use performance to create emotional awareness. I believe if I can learn to duplicate the fear of Ebenezer Scrooge, I will be one step closer to truly understanding humanity.
[Picard is called to the bridge, which he acknowledges]
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Data - the moment that you decided to stop imitating other actors and create your own interpretation, you were already one step closer to understanding humanity.

Ardra: Please do not take any offense to these questions, Captain. You know how fond I am of you.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Objection.
Lt. Commander Data: Sustained. The advocate will refrain from expressing personal affections for her opponent.

Lt. Commander Data: The advocate will refrain from making her opponent disappear.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Loud as a Whisper (#2.5)" (1989)
Scholar: [interpreting for Riva] They have been killing each other for a long time. Now they want to talk peace. So, something about the situation has recently changed. What's the new piece to the puzzle?
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Data?
Lt. Commander Data: Unknown, sir.
Commander William T. Riker: Perhaps they have run out of people to kill.

Lt. Commander Data: [interpreting Riva's sign language] The real secret is turning disadvantage into advantage.

Lt. Commander Data: Captain, I have reviewed and stored five distinct signing languages. Here is an example of the first:
[he starts making signs]
Lt. Commander Data: This is 'blue'. This is 'the blue ocean'. This is 'the blue ocean at sunset'. This is two people walking along the beach by the blue ocean at sunset. This is two happy people in love walking along the beach by the blue ocean at sunset. This is two pe...
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Enough.
[gets up and walks to Data, intrigued]
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Let's talk to Riva.

[Riva explains how he intends to mediate between the adversarial parties]
Lt. Commander Data: [interpreting Riva's sign language] Learning sign will be a part of their process of learning how to live together in peace.
Counselor Deanna Troi: [explaining] While they're learning how to communicate with Riva, they'll be learning how to communicate with each other.
Lt. Commander Data: [interpreting] And that is the first and most important aspect of any relationship.

Lt. Commander Data: Counselor, it took me only moments to learn sign language. It will take them months.
Counselor Deanna Troi: Time well spent.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Where No One Has Gone Before (#1.5)" (1987)
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: What is our velocity?
Lt. Commander Data: It's off the scale, sir.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Reverse engines.
Lt. Commander Data: Captain, no one has ever reversed engines at this velocity.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: It's because no one has gone this fast. Reverse engines.

Lieutenant Geordi La Forge: All stop, sir.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Yes... But where is this place?
Lt. Commander Data: Where none have gone before...

Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Captain's log, stardate 41263.2 - This will be a rather unusual log entry, assuming Starfleet ever receives it. As I already informed my crew, a phenomenal surge of power during a warp speed experiment has sent our starship hurtling out of our own galaxy and past another, taking us over 2,700,000 light years - in a few minutes.
Lieutenant Geordi La Forge: Message on this has already been transmitted to Starfleet, sir.
Lt. Commander Data: Which, traveling subspace, they should receive in 51 years, ten months, nine weeks, 16 days...
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Mr. Data.

Lt. Commander Data: Captain, we're here. Why not avail ourselves of this opportunity for study? There is a giant protostar here in the process of forming. No other vessel has been out this far.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Spoken like a true Starfleet graduate.

Lieutenant Geordi La Forge: Our position reads exactly what it was before this sleigh ride began, sir.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Cease red alert.
Lt. Commander Data: "Sleigh ride"?
Lieutenant Geordi La Forge: Or whatever you want to call it, Data. I don't have a proper name for it.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Descent: Part 2 (#7.1)" (1993)
Lt. Commander Data: [to Picard] I am not your puppet anymore!

Counselor Deanna Troi: Data, all I'm sensing from you is anger and hatred. Have you felt any other emotions?
Lt. Commander Data: There are no other emotions.

Lore: Aren't you going to thank me?
Lt. Commander Data: Thank you.
Lore: Don't mention it.

[last lines]
Lt. Commander Data: [of the ill-fated emotion-chip] I am pleased to say it was damaged when I was forced to fire on Lore.
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Pleased? Data, you've wanted emotions your whole life.
Lt. Commander Data: Yes. But emotions were responsible for what I did to you. I would never risk letting that happen again. My friendship with you is too important to me.
[Data is about to destroy the chip; La Forge intervenes]
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Data, I wouldn't be very much of a friend if I let you give up on a lifelong dream, now would I? Maybe someday... when you're ready.

Lore: [his last words] I... love you... brother.
Lt. Commander Data: Goodbye, Lore.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Elementary, Dear Data (#2.3)" (1988)
Lieutenant Geordi La Forge: Clancy, I'll be gone for a while. See that no one touches this.
Ensign Clancy: Aye, sir. And where can I reach you?
Lt. Commander Data: He can be reached at 221B Baker Street!
Ensign Clancy: Sir?

Lieutenant Geordi La Forge: Data - I mean, Holmes, old boy - what are we looking for?
Lt. Commander Data: For whatever finds us, my dear Watson.

Lt. Commander Data: In programming Moriarty to defeat me - not Holmes - he had to be able to acquire something which I possess.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: What exactly?
Lt. Commander Data: Consciousness, sir. Without it, he could not defeat me.

Lt. Commander Data: Finally - there can be no argument - the game is afoot! Come, Watson!

Lieutenant Geordi La Forge: The Doctor was right. Finally, we have a game worth playing.
Moriarty: [entering the scene] The time for games is over.
Lt. Commander Data: Professor Moriarty, I presume?

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: The Big Goodbye (#1.11)" (1988)
Lt. Commander Data: Hiya, Doc, what's cookin'?
Doctor Beverly Crusher: You know, I had some trouble getting through. Where's Captain Picard?
Lt. Commander Data: He's on ice.
Doctor Beverly Crusher: Pardon?
Lt. Commander Data: He's being grilled.
Doctor Beverly Crusher: What is he, a fish?

Lieutenant Geordi La Forge: So, Data, how was it?
Lt. Commander Data: [gangster accent] It was raining in the city by the bay... a hard rain. Hard enough to wash the slime...
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Data!
Lt. Commander Data: Sorry, sir.

Cyrus Redblock: [about Data] Where do you s'ppose he's from?
Felix Leech: [to Data] Where were you hatched anyway?
Lt. Commander Data: I was created on a planet...
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Data...
Lt. Commander Data: South America.

Captain Jean-Luc Picard: I am not Dixon Hill! I just look like Dixon Hill!
Lt. Commander Data: He speaks the truth, sir. From your point of view, he is only a facsimile. A knock-off. A cheap imitation...
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Thank you, Mr. Data.

[Cyrus Redblock intends to go out of the holodeck into the "new world"]
Lt. Commander Data: If you were going to go through yourself, sir - that is not possible.
Cyrus Redblock: One look at you, sir, is proof that anything is possible.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: The Hunted (#3.11)" (1990)
Capt. Picard: And my understanding is that these men are programed to survive, is that correct?
Counselor Deanna Troi: Yes, Captain.
Capt. Picard: And that they will not kill unless their survival is at stake?
Lt. Commander Data: It is against their nature to do so, Captain.
Capt. Picard: Then let us hope they do not believe their survival is at stake.

Commander William T. Riker: Status report, Mr. Data.
Lt. Commander Data: I am afraid the prisoner has eluded us, sir.
Capt. Picard: [incredulous] Eluded the Enterprise?

Roga Danar: My improved reflexes have allowed me to kill 84 times. And my improved memory lets me remember each of those 84 faces. Can you understand how that feels?
Lt. Commander Data: I am incapable of any feeling.
Roga Danar: Why, then I envy you.

Lt. Commander Data: We have both been programmed.
Roga Danar: Ah, yes. Yes, you've been talking with Counselor Troi. It is not the same at all, android.
Lt. Commander Data: I do not mean to belittle your condition. I understand your dilema. But - I am curious. My program can be altered, yours cannot?
Roga Danar: The man I was is still inside me. But this - this conditioning has been imposed. Woven together with my thoughts, and my feelings and my responses. How do you separate the program from the man?
Lt. Commander Data: Without further analysis from Counselor Troi or Dr. Crusher, I cannot say. But I believe it is possible.
Roga Danar: Yeah *doctors*. The Angosian *doctors* did this to me... If it could be undone, wouldn't they undo it?
Lt. Commander Data: I cannot answer that.
Roga Danar: Nor can I. Yet I ask myself that question every moment of everyday.

Counselor Deanna Troi: Roga, this is Captain Picard.
Capt. Picard: Mr. Danar, I'm here to tell you that I will be transferring you back to the Angosians' custody. The Prime Minister has insisted on it, and we have no right to refuse.
Roga Danar: Well, you would be foolish to consider it otherwise, Captain, for they are very correct: I am dangerous. There is no place for me in a civilized society.
Counselor Deanna Troi: I do not believe that.
Lt. Commander Data: Nor do I.
Capt. Picard: I respect my officers' judgment. I wish there was some way I could help you. If a way appears, I will.
Roga Danar: I appreciate your telling me face-to-face.
Capt. Picard: I thought you deserved that much.
Roga Danar: And you deserve to know that I must use whatever means I have to escape.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Conspiracy (#1.24)" (1988)
Counselor Deanna Troi: Have you ever been for a real moonlight swim?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: One can swim in moonlight?
Counselor Deanna Troi: How about you, Mr. Worf?
Lieutenant Worf: [shakes his head] Swimming is too much like... bathing.

Lieutenant Geordi La Forge: ...So the guy staggers to his feet and goes back to the girl, right? Well, she smiles, looks him straight in the eye and says "Just try that in hyperspace!"
[laughs]
Lt. Cmdr. Data: I see. So the difficulty in attaining such complex positioning in zero gravity environment, coupled with the adverse effects it would have on the psychological wellbeing of the average human male, is what makes this anecdote so amusing. Yes - very humorous indeed. Hysterical, in fact.
[laughs mechanically]

[Data is screening records of orders from Starfleet]
Lt. Cmdr. Data: [to himself] Startling. Quite extraordinary, in fact.
Computer Voice: Direction unclear. Please repeat request.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: That was not a request. I was simply... talking to myself!
[becomes conscious of that fact]
Lt. Cmdr. Data: A human idiosyncrasy, triggered by a fascination with a particular set of facts. Or sometimes brought about by senility. Or used as a means of weighing information before reaching a conclusion. Or as a...
Computer Voice: Thank you, sir. I comprehend.

Lt. Cmdr. Data: Starfleet's left hand did not know what its right hand was doing.

[last lines]
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Captain, I have attempted to trace the message Remmick was sending. I believe it was aimed at an unexplored sector of our galaxy.
Lieutenant Geordi La Forge: Any idea what the message was, Data?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: I believe it was a beacon.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: A beacon?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Yes, sir. A homing beacon - sent from Earth.
[in space, the beeping signal of a transmission can be heard, fading out]

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Force of Nature (#7.9)" (1993)
Lt. Commander Data: Why is Spot under the bed?
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Probably because she knows if I catch her, I'm gonna kill her.

Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: My sister didn't know a thing about animals, and she was able to train *her* cat. How complicated could it be?
Lt. Commander Data: What did she train her cat to do?
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: She had that cat jumping into her arm on command.
Lt. Commander Data: Interesting. Perhaps I could modify your sister's techniques to keep Spot from jumping on the console. Do you know how she was able to train her cat?
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Well, as I recall, she walked around for two months with a piece of tuna in her blouse.

[Spot is sitting on Data's computer console]
Lt. Commander Data: Spot. Spot. Spot. Down. Spot. Down. Down.
[Spot does not react. Data sighs, takes her off the console and sets her on the floor]
Lt. Commander Data: Spot... Down. This is down. Down is good.
[lifts her up again]
Lt. Commander Data: This is up. Up is 'no'.

Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: [about training Spot] I've got an idea: how about a phaser? A low stun setting at just the right moment might do the trick.
Lt. Commander Data: Geordi - I cannot stun my cat.

[La Forge is in competition of prestige with Cmdr. Kaplan, chief engineer of the Intrepid]
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: [handing Data a data PADD] I just received this from Commander Kaplan, subspace.
Lt. Commander Data: [reads] "La Forge. I got the Intrepid's power conversion levels up to 97.1%. Maybe you should try cleaning your plasma grid once in a while".
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Can you believe the nerve of that guy?
Lt. Commander Data: [bewildered] We perform maintenance on the plasma grid at regular intervals.
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: I know. He's just trying to get me angry.
[he adjusts something on a control panel]
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: There - that should do it. Computer, what are the current power conversion levels?
Enterprise Computer: Power conversion levels are at 97.2%.
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Too bad, Mr. Kaplan!
[sniggers gleefully]

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Skin of Evil (#1.22)" (1988)
Doctor Beverly Crusher: What is he made of?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: It did not register on the tricorder.
Voice of Armus: "It"? Does that mean I am not alive?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: No. Clearly you are some kind of intelligent form.
Voice of Armus: But you said I did not register on your instrument. Perhaps your instruments are useless.

Voice of Armus: Tell me, tin man, how does it feel to face your own extinction?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Curious.

Lt. Cmdr. Data: You are capable of great sadism and cruelty. Interesting. No redeeming qualities.
Voice of Armus: So, what do you think?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: I think you should be destroyed.
Voice of Armus: A moral judgment from a machine.

[last lines]
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Sir - the purpose of this gathering... confuses me.
Capt. Picard: Oh? How so?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: My thoughts are not for Tasha, but for myself. I keep thinking how empty it will be without her presence. Did I miss the point?
Capt. Picard: No, you didn't, Data. You got it.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Angel One (#1.13)" (1988)
Lt. Commander Data: Angel One has evolved into a constitutional oligarchy. It is governed by a parliamentary body consisting of six elected mistresses and headed by a female they refer to as 'The Elected One'.
Counselor Deanna Troi: It sounds like my own planet.

Commander William T. Riker: To travel the distance we did in two days at warp 1, would have taken the Odin escape pod five months.
Lt. Commander Data: 5 months, 6 days, 11 hours, 2 minutes...
Commander William T. Riker: Thank you, Data.
Lt. Commander Data: ...and 57 seconds.

Commander William T. Riker: Mr. Data will need access to your library.
Beata: Our library is far too sophisticated for a man to comprehend.
Lt. Commander Data: I am an android, Mistress. Though anatomically, I am a male.
Beata: An amusing notion.

[last lines]
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: [hoarsely, still recovering from the virus] Mr. Data, set course for the Neutral Zone, warp 6.
Lt. Commander Data: Coordinates set, warp 6, on your mark, sir.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: [croaks, almost inaudibly] Engage.
Lt. Commander Data: ...Sir?
[Picard looks pleadingly at Riker]
Commander William T. Riker: Engage!

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Unification II (#5.8)" (1991)
Sela: Excuse me, I'm just finishing up a speech. For you, Mister Spock. I rather enjoy writing. I don't get to do it very often in this job.
Lt. Commander Data: Perhaps you would be happier in another job.

Lt. Commander Data: Ambassador Spock, may I ask a personal question?
Ambassador Spock: Please.
Lt. Commander Data: As you examine your life, do you find you have missed your humanity?
Ambassador Spock: I have no regrets.
Lt. Commander Data: "No regrets". That is a human expression.
Ambassador Spock: Yes... Fascinating.

Sela: You'll never get out of this building.
Lt. Commander Data: I disagree, Commander. After studying the design of this structure, I have determined that our best route of escape would be the underground exit to the east of this wing. I have disconnected certain security scanners to assist us. I am afraid we cannot allow you to warn your guards.
[he uses the Vulcan nerve pinch on Sela, who goes down unconscious]
Ambassador Spock: Not bad.

Ambassador Spock: He intrigues me, this Picard.
Lt. Commander Data: In what manner, sir?
Ambassador Spock: Remarkably analytical and dispassionate - for a Human. I understand why my father chose to mind meld with him. There's an almost Vulcan quality to the man.
Lt. Commander Data: Interesting. I had not considered that. And Captain Picard has been a role model in my quest to be more human.
Ambassador Spock: [looks at him] *More* human?
Lt. Commander Data: Yes, Ambassador.
Ambassador Spock: Fascinating. You have an efficient intellect, superior physical skills, no emotional impediments. There are Vulcans who aspire all their lives to achieve what you've been given by design.
Lt. Commander Data: Hm. - You are half Human?
Ambassador Spock: Yes.
Lt. Commander Data: Yet you have chosen a Vulcan way of life?
Ambassador Spock: I have.
Lt. Commander Data: In effect, you have abandoned what I have sought all my life.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Haven (#1.10)" (1987)
Counselor Troi: Stop this petty bickering, all of you! Especially you, Mother!
[runs out of the dining room]
Lt. Cmdr. Data: [polite tone] Could you please continue the petty bickering? I find it most intriguing.

Captain Jean-Luc Picard: [about Haven] Such a beautiful world. Legends say it has been known to mend souls and heal broken hearts.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Legends which are totally unsupported by fact, Captain.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Legends like that are the spice of the universe, Mr. Data, because they have a way of sometimes coming true.

Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Mr. Data.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Sir?
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: You're circling the room like a buzzard.

[Data is observing Mr. Homn as the latter enjoys one drink after another]
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Considering the rate at which you imbibe, sir... is your lineage at all mixed with Human?

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: The Last Outpost (#1.4)" (1987)
[Data's fingers are caught in a Chinese finger trap]
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Data, what are you doing?
Lt. Commander Data: [struggling with the finger trap] Apologies, Captain. I seem to have reached an odd... functional impasse. I am, uh... stuck.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Then get unstuck and continue with the briefing.
Lt. Commander Data: [continues to struggle with the finger trap] Yes, sir. That is what I am trying to do, sir, but the... solution eludes me.
Lieutenant Geordi La Forge: My hero.
[laughs]

Lt. Commander Data: Something to write home about.

[citing modern scholars, Data has compared the Ferengi to ancient Yankee traders of the 18th and 19th century]
Commander William T. Riker: Yankee traders, I like the sound of that.
Lt. Commander Data: Well, sir, I doubt they wear red, white and blue or look anything like Uncle Sam.

Lieutenant Tasha Yar: What have bright, primary colors got to do with it?
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Ah, I understand the allusion. Colors representing countries at a time when they competed with each other. Red, white and blue for the United States, whereas the French... more properly used the same colors in the order blue, white and red.
Lt. Commander Data: And the German nation red, black and gold, the Italians green, white and red, the British...
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: That's enough, Data!
Lt. Commander Data: It was you who...
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: We were discussing the Ferengi.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: The Royale (#2.12)" (1989)
Lt. Commander Data: [examining skeletal remains in hotel bed] Definitely human. Male.
Commander William T. Riker: Looks like the poor devil died in his sleep.
Lieutenant Worf: What a terrible way to die.

Lt. Commander Data: [right before beginning his winning streak at the craps table] Baby needs a new pair of shoes.

Lt. Commander Data: [about the people in the Royale] They do exist. But they do not register as either man or machine.
[Texas is stepping out of a lift]
Lt. Commander Data: Take this creature, for example. He does not exhibit any DNA structure.
Texas: Excuse me, son? Look who's talking. Man, you sound just like my ex-wife!

Lt. Commander Data: [about a game of dice] There is a certain degree of random fortune involved. I believe that is why they call it 'gambling'.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Where Silence Has Lease (#2.2)" (1988)
[on the viewscreen appears a distorted face]
Nagilum: Why're you so alarmed when I've gone to such trouble to look just like you?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Captain, sensors show nothing out there - absolutely nothing.
Lieutenant Geordi La Forge: Sure is a damned ugly nothing.

Capt. Picard: Under the circumstances, I think there is only one decision. I will not stand by while half my crew is slaughtered.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Sir, I do not believe there is anything you can do to prevent it.
Capt. Picard: Yes, there is.
Dr. Kate Pulaski: What?
Capt. Picard: Destroy the Enterprise.
Dr. Kate Pulaski: Isn't that a little like curing the disease by killing the patient?

Lt. Cmdr. Data: [of the "hole" in space] Sir, our sensors are showing this to be the absence of everything. It is a void without matter or energy of any kind.
Commander William T. Riker: Yet this hole has a form, Data; it has height, width...
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Perhaps. Perhaps not, sir.
Capt. Picard: That's hardly a scientific observation, Commander.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Captain, the most elementary and valuable statement in science, the beginning of wisdom, is, "I do not know". I do not know what that is, sir.

Lt. Cmdr. Data: I have a question, sir.
Capt. Picard: Yes, Data, what is it?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: What... is death?
Capt. Picard: Oh, is that all? Well, Data, you're asking probably the most difficult of all questions. Some see it as a changing into an indestructible form, forever unchanging; they believe that the purpose of the entire universe is to then maintain that form in an earth-like garden, which will give delight and pleasure through all eternity. On the other hand, there are those who hold to the idea of our blinking into nothingness - with all of our experiences and hopes and dreams merely a delusion.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Which do you believe, sir?
Capt. Picard: Considering the marvelous complexity of the universe, its... clockwork perfection, its balances of this against that, matter, energy, gravitation, time, dimension - I believe that our existence must be more than either of these philosophies. That what we are goes beyond Euclidean or other practical measuring systems, and that our existence is part of a reality beyond what we understand now as reality.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Cause and Effect (#5.18)" (1992)
Commander William T. Riker: Sometimes I wonder if he's stacking the deck.
Lt. Commander Data: I assure you, Commander, the cards are sufficiently randomized.
Lieutenant Worf: I hope so.

[first lines]
Commander William T. Riker: Damage report!
Doctor Beverly Crusher: Casualty reports coming in from all over the ship!
Lt. Commander Data: The starboard nacelle has sustained a direct impact. We are venting drive plasma.
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Initiating emergency core shutdown!
Ensign Ro Laren: Inertial dampers failing. We're losing attitude control.
Commander William T. Riker: This is the bridge. All hands to emergency escape pods!
Lt. Commander Data: Core shutdown was unsuccessful. We are losing antimatter containment.
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: We've got to eject the core!
Lt. Commander Data: Ejection systems offline. Core breach is imminent.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: All hands abandon ship! Repeat: all hands aban...!
[the Enterprise explodes]

[the Enterprise is faced with a cloud-like distortion]
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Back us off, Ensign. Nice and slow.
Ensign Ro Laren: Aye, sir. Captain, maneuvering thrusters are not responding.
Lt. Commander Data: The distortion field is fluctuating.
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: All main systems just went down. Power levels are dropping rapidly.
Commander William T. Riker: Red alert.
Lt. Commander Data: There is an energy build-up in the distortion field.
Counselor Deanna Troi: We have to get out of here, now.
Lt. Commander Data: Captain, something is emerging.
[another starship is coming out of the cloud]
Commander William T. Riker: Shields up. Evasive maneuvers.
Lieutenant Worf: Shields inoperative.
Ensign Ro Laren: The helm is not responding.
Lt. Commander Data: The vessel is on a collision course. Impact in 36 seconds.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Hail them.
Lieutenant Worf: No response.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Suggestions?
Commander William T. Riker: Decompress main shuttlebay. The explosive reaction may blow us out of the way.
Lt. Commander Data: Captain, I suggest we use the tractor beam to alter the other ship's trajectory.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Make it so, Mr. Worf.
Lieutenant Worf: Engaging tractor beam.
[the two ships collide]

Lt. Commander Data: [dealing cards] Still no help for the Klingon.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: The Next Phase (#5.24)" (1992)
[Data is asking Worf for advice about La Forge's and Ro's funeral; the "ghostly" La Forge and Ro are watching]
Lt. Commander Data: Ensign Ro was a Bajoran. Her beliefs should be reflected as well. However, their death rituals are quite complicated.
Ensign Ro Laren: [groans] Oh, please, not the death chant.
Lieutenant Worf: The Bajoran death chant is over two hours long.

Lt. Commander Data: Do you think the others will find this service appropriate?
Doctor Beverly Crusher: Look around you, Data. Everybody's sharing their memories of Geordi and Ro, laughing and talking. What could be more appropriate than that?

Lt. Commander Data: Geordi. It is good to see you.
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Thanks, Data. I've never been to a better funeral.

Lt. Commander Data: In almost all societies, it is traditional to say a ritual farewell to those you call friends. I never knew what a friend was until I met Geordi. He spoke to me as though I were human. He treated me no differently from anyone else. He accepted me for what I am. And that, I have learned, is friendship.
[pause]
Lt. Commander Data: But I do not know how to say goodbye.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: We'll Always Have Paris (#1.23)" (1988)
Commander William T. Riker: [about the time distortion] The captain of the Lalo described it as a hiccough.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Hiccough?
Lt. Commander Data: Actually, sir, that may be an incorrect analogy.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: How so, Data?
Lt. Commander Data: A hiccough is a spasmatic inhalation with closure of the glottis, accompanied by a peculiar sound. If we were to continue this analogy to a body function, what occurred would be best represented by...
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Enough, Data.

[in another time distortion, Picard, Riker and Data, inside a turbolift, come face to face with themselves outside the turbolift]
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: [inside turbolift] It's us before we stepped into the turbolift.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: [outside lift] It's happening again.
Lt. Commander Data: [outside] I feel no disorientation.
Lt. Commander Data: [inside] Nor do I.
[doors of turbolift are closing, leaving the outside crew alone in the corridor]
Commander William T. Riker: What was that?
Lt. Commander Data: I believe what could be termed as the Manheim Effect is becoming more pronounced.
Commander William T. Riker: This is where we started. If we are us...
Lt. Commander Data: Oh, we are us, sir. But they are also us. So indeed - we are both us...

Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Data, I want this to be an away team of one - you. I don't think there's any reason to risk anyone else.
Lt. Commander Data: It is reasonable, sir. After all, I am a machine, and dispensable.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: In-dispensable is the appropriate word.

Lt. Commander Data: I see time as a constant, whereas humans perceive time as flexible. Hence the expression "Time flies" when you're having fun. Which until now has always confused me.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Well, I want you to put a stitch in time, and, uh... save much more than nine.
Lt. Commander Data: Sir?

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Evolution (#3.1)" (1989)
Lt. Cmdr. Data: [serving as communicator for the nanites] You are very... strange... looking creatures.
Capt. Picard: In our travels, we've encountered many other creatures, perhaps even stranger looking than ourselves.

[Worf has mistakenly detected a Borg ship]
Lt. Cmdr. Data: It is conceivable that he was viewing a synthetically generated image, sir.
Commander William T. Riker: Then our computer was daydreaming?

Dr. Paul Stubbs: Good Lord! You are talking about machines with a screw loose! Simply turn them off and be done with them.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Dr. Stubbs, your own actions have provided evidence to the contrary. When you destroyed the nanites in the core, they responded by interfering with our life support systems. It is difficult to accept these as random actions by machines with loose screws.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Justice (#1.7)" (1987)
Lt. Cmdr. Data: It was probably unwise of us to attempt to place a human colony in this area. Of course, there are 3,004 other planets in this star cluster in which we could have colonized. The largest and closest...
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Data, don't babble.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Babble, sir? I'm not aware that I ever babble, sir. It may be that from time to time I have considerable information to communicate, and you may question the way in which I organize it...
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Please, organize it into brief answers to my questions.

Doctor Beverly Crusher: The Edo want to execute my son. I will not allow that to happen, Jean-Luc!
Lt. Cmdr. Data: [to Picard] Most interesting, sir. The emotion of motherhood is, compared to all others felt by human...
Doctor Beverly Crusher: SHUT UP!
[runs out]
Lt. Cmdr. Data: You were right, sir. I do tend to babble.

Captain Jean-Luc Picard: How do I explain my refusing to obey their laws down there, not permitting the Crusher boy... to be executed? And by so doing, do I endanger this vessel and more than a thousand other lives?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Would you choose one life over one thousand, sir?
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: I refuse to let arithmetic decide questions like that.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Frame of Mind (#6.21)" (1993)
Counselor Deanna Troi: [after Riker has appeared rather confused during his play] It's nothing to be embarrassed about; we're your friends. We all know the stress you've been under. I'm sure everyone understands perfectly.
[Data passes by]
Lt. Commander Data: Commander, I must congratulate you on your performance this evening.
Commander William T. Riker: Oh?
Lt. Commander Data: Your unexpected choice to improvise was an effective method of drawing the audience into the plight of your character. You gave a truly realistic interpretation of multi-infarct dementia.
[walks on]
Commander William T. Riker: [bemused] Thank you.
Counselor Deanna Troi: Well, maybe not *everyone* understands.

Lt. Commander Data, Dr. Syrus: [respectively] I can see we have a lot of work to do.

[final scene of the play 'Frame of Mind', with Riker as the patient and Data as the doctor]
Lt. Commander Data: Perhaps we should continue this discussion next week.
Commander William T. Riker: No. I wanna talk about this now!
Lt. Commander Data: You're starting to sound angry again. Maybe you need another treatment.
Commander William T. Riker: What I need is to get out of this cell! I've been locked up in here for days. You've controlled my every move, you told me what to eat, what to think, what to say. And when I show a glimmer of independent thought, you strap me down, inject me with drugs and call it a 'treatment'.
Lt. Commander Data: You're becoming agitated.
Commander William T. Riker: You bet I'm agitated! I may be surrounded by insanity, but I am not insane. And nothing you or anyone else can say will change that. And I won't let you or anyone else tell me that I am. You may be able to destroy my mind; but you can't change the fact that I'm innocent. I didn't kill that man!
Commander William T. Riker: [smirking madly] And that's what's driving *you* crazy.
Lt. Commander Data: I can see we have a lot of work to do.
[exits]
Commander William T. Riker: [shouts after him] Nothing you can say will change the fact that I'm innocent! I'm not crazy! I'm not crazy... I'm not crazy...
[lights fading out]

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Contagion (#2.11)" (1989)
[despite his programming failing, Data tries to tell Picard how to destroy the Iconian technology]
Lt. Commander Data: Key blue-amber-amber-red.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: That's the launch sequence?
[Data nods awkwardly]
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: How do I override the doors?
Lt. Commander Data: Blue-blue-blue.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: I hope that's not a stutter.

[when trying to access the master program, La Forge is hit by an energy surge. Data grabs him from behind and throws him away from the console]
Lieutenant Geordi La Forge: [lying motionless on the floor] Data?
Lt. Commander Data: Yes?
Lieutenant Geordi La Forge: What happened?
Lt. Commander Data: Any answer would be mere speculation. This is yet another example of how our actions have random results.
Lieutenant Geordi La Forge: Thanks, Data. I noticed.

Lieutenant Worf: [observing an ever-changing oblong] These scenes could be holographic images.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Be careful.
[Data approaches the oblong and puts his hand through]
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Data! That was very foolish.
Lt. Commander Data: But we have established that this is not a holograph.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Emergence (#7.23)" (1994)
[Troi contacts Data over comm]
Counselor Deanna Troi: How're you doing?
Lt. Commander Data: I encountered a minor difficulty, Counselor. But it has been dealt with.
[camera switches to Data holding off a cab that tries to run him over]

Lt. Commander Data: Unlikely as it may sound, I believe the Enterprise may be forming an intelligence.

[despite having been shut down earlier, the holodeck has reactivated itself]
Lieutenant Worf: Which program is running?
Lt. Commander Data: Several different programs are running simultaneously.
Commander William T. Riker: This should be interesting.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: The Arsenal of Freedom (#1.20)" (1988)
Lt. Commander Data: [scanning the planet Minos] No signs of intelligent life forms. Vegetation and animal life only.
Counselor Deanna Troi: What happened to all the people?
Lieutenant Worf: War?
Lt. Commander Data: Disease?
Lieutenant Geordi La Forge: A dissatisfied customer?

Lt. Commander Data: The citizens of Minos gained fame during the Erselrope Wars as arms merchants. They manufactured sophisticated and highly advanced weaponry.
Lieutenant Geordi La Forge: Yeah? For which side?
Lt. Commander Data: Both.

[Data jumps 11.75 meters down the cavern and lands beside Crusher and Picard]
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Data?
Lt. Commander Data: At your service, Captain.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: A Matter of Time (#5.9)" (1991)
[Rasmussen enters Data's quarters, which are exploding with noise]
Rasmussen: [shouting] What in God's name is that?
Lt. Commander Data: Music, Professor.
Rasmussen: Music?
Lt. Commander Data: Yes, sir. Mozart's "Jupiter Symphony in C major", Bach's "Brandenburg Concerto No. 3", Beethoven's "Ninth Symphony, 2nd Movement, molto vivace", and "La Donna e Mobile", from Verdi's "Rigoletto".
Rasmussen: Do you think you could thin it out a bit?
Lt. Commander Data: Computer, eliminate program one.
[music thins, but Rasmussen shakes his head]
Lt. Commander Data: Computer, eliminate program two.
[music thins more, but is still too loud]
Lt. Commander Data: Computer, eliminate program three.
[Rasmussen gestures for him to lower the volume]
Lt. Commander Data: Computer, half volume.
Rasmussen: [still shouting] How the...!
[pauses, realizing the volume is low enough]
Rasmussen: [much quieter] How the hell can you listen to four pieces of music at the same time?
Lt. Commander Data: Actually, I am capable of distinguishing over one hundred and fifty simultaneous compositions. But in order to analyze the aesthetics, I try to keep it to ten or less.
Rasmussen: Only four today?
Lt. Commander Data: I am assisting Commander La Forge with a very complex calculation. It demands a great deal of my concentration.

Rasmussen: Who said these moments were any less exciting when you know the outcome, hm?
Lt. Commander Data: I know of no one who said that, Professor.

Lt. Commander Data: I assume your hand print will open this door, whether you are conscious or not.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: The Mind's Eye (#4.24)" (1991)
Lt. Commander Data: It is fortunate we were able to coordinate your return on the Teldarian cruiser.
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Yeah. When I heard the Enterprise had been ordered to the Krios system, I thought I might be forced to endure another couple of weeks on Risa.
Lt. Commander Data: I am sorry to hear you did not enjoy yourself.
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: I was joking.
Lt. Commander Data: Joking? Ah! "Forced to endure" Risa. Your actual intent was to emphasize that you *did* enjoy yourself. Yes. I see how that could be considered quite amusing.
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: [laughs] I missed you, Data!

Ambassador Kell: [on the E-band emissions] Who sent these signals? A cloaked Romulan ship?
Lt. Commander Data: No, sir. That is not possible. The signals had to be transmitted within close proximity to the VISOR.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Are you suggesting that there was a Romulan accomplice in close proximity to Mr. La Forge when he was receiving the signals?
Lt. Commander Data: Yes, sir, I am.
Governor Vagh: This Romulan accomplice - who is he?
Lt. Commander Data: I have narrowed the list of possibilities to two people - the only two people who were with Commander La Forge all three times a transmission was recorded: Captain Picard, and Ambassador Kell. One of them may be concealing an E-band transmitter. If they would agree to be searched...
Ambassador Kell: I am a Klingon! An emissary of the High Council. I will not submit to being searched by you or anyone else on this ship.
Governor Vagh: I am forced to agree, Captain. We will take the Ambassador with us, and search him ourselves.
Ambassador Kell: [slightly panicking] Captain, I believe it to be in all our best interests if I remain aboard. I formally request asylum.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: I will certainly grant you asylum - when you have been absolved of this crime.

Lt. Commander Data: I have surmised that Commander La Forge was conditioned by Romulans, a process referred to historically - and somewhat inaccurately - as "brainwashing".
Governor Vagh: But to what end? Why would the Romulans want to kill me?
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: The Romulans have always wanted to destroy the alliance between the Federation and the Klingons. If Mr. La Forge had killed you, Governor, I think you would agree, they might have succeeded.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Night Terrors (#4.17)" (1991)
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Okay, all power's been channeled to the, um... the...
Lt. Commander Data: The main deflector dish.
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Yes! Right, the... deflector dish.
[sighs]
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: So... um... What do we do now?
Lt. Commander Data: Data to bridge. Mr. Worf, activate the deflector.

[Troi has suggested passing on a message to the aliens in her dream]
Counselor Deanna Troi: How do I tell them what to do?
Lt. Commander Data: If you are correct, Counselor, I believe they have already told us what to do, and are waiting for us to do it. When we are ready, the only message you should attempt to convey is: "Now!"

[last lines]
Lt. Commander Data: Sir - as my final duty as Acting Captain, I order you to bed. I shall do the same for all personnel.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Very well, Mr. Data. And Mr. Data - thank you.
Lt. Commander Data: Pleasant dreams, sir.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Silicon Avatar (#5.4)" (1991)
Commander William T. Riker: Data, we've only seen the Crystalline Entity once before. How do you know these metals will protect us?
Lt. Commander Data: I am not entirely certain they will, sir.
Commander William T. Riker: I was afraid you were going to say something like that.

Dr. Kila Marr: How long will you live, Data?
Lt. Commander Data: There has been no predetermined limit placed on my existence, Doctor.
Dr. Kila Marr: [sighs in relief] I'm glad. As long as you're alive, he'll be alive.

[last lines]
Dr. Kila Marr: [addressing her son through Data] Tell me... that you understand, Renny. That... that you know I d... I did it for you. 'cause I love you. Because I wanted to give you peace at last.
Lt. Commander Data: I do not find such a file in your son's journals, Doctor. However, from what I know of him, by his memories and his writing, I do not believe he would be happy. He was proud of your career as a scientist. And now you have destroyed that. You say you did it for him. But I do not believe he would have wanted that. Yes... I believe your son would be very sad now. I am sorry, Doctor, but I cannot help you.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: The Battle (#1.8)" (1987)
Lt. Commander Data: You will find this most intriguing, sir.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: What'd you find, Data?
Lt. Commander Data: The last entry, dated nine years ago, sir. By you.
Lt. Commander Data: [reads] "We are forced to abandon our starship. May she find her way without us." Apparently she did, sir.

Lt. Commander Data: One of these two logs is a forgery, sir.
Lieutenant Geordi La Forge: Correction. The log just found aboard the Stargazer is a forgery.
Lt. Commander Data: As I said, that is one of them. Is it not?

Commander William T. Riker: I hope you're right, Data.
Lt. Commander Data: No question of it, sir.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: The Best of Both Worlds: Part 1 (#3.26)" (1990)
[after an attempt to rescue Picard has failed]
Commander William T. Riker: The Captain?
Lt. Commander Data: We were unable to retrieve him, sir. The Captain has been altered by the Borg.
Commander William T. Riker: Altered?
Lieutenant Worf: He IS a Borg.

[Shelby gets early on site without permission]
Lt. Cmdr Elizabeth Paula Shelby: Morning. Early bird gets the worm, eh? We've had some interesting results.
Commander William T. Riker: Commander Shelby... Walk with me, Commander.
Lt. Commander Data: [to La Forge] Early bird...? I believe Commander Shelby erred. There is no evidence of avifaunal or crawling vermicular life forms on Jouret IV.
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: That's not what she meant, Data. But you're right. She erred.

[the away team is considering ways to slow down the Borg vessel]
Doctor Beverly Crusher: What if we look at this from the mosquito's point of view?
Lt. Commander Data: Interesting metaphor, Doctor. What is your idea?
Doctor Beverly Crusher: If we sting them in a tender spot, they might stop for a minute to scratch.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Clues (#4.14)" (1991)
Lt. Commander Data: It is a mystery, Captain.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: That is an understatement, Data.

Lt. Commander Data: I am apparently guilty of falsifying the Enterprise's records. Of interfering with an investigation. Of disobeying a direct order from my commanding officer. Your duty seems clear, sir.

[repeated line, in different variations]
Lt. Commander Data: I cannot say.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: The Emissary (#2.20)" (1989)
[the Enterprise is approaching the T'Ong, a Klingon battle cruiser]
Lt. Commander Data: Sensors show life forms aboard, but I am unable to ascertain whether they are awake or dormant. However, their propulsion system is inactive, so I would hypothesize that the crew is asleep.
[the Klingon ship is firing at them]
Lt. Commander Data: However, I could be in error.

[K'Ehleyr is working in the tactical room when Worf enters with Data]
K'Ehleyr: An android chaperone?
Lt. Commander Data: Android, of course, is correct, but... I fail to see how 'chaperone' is applicable to this situation.
K'Ehleyr: Never mind.

K'Ehleyr: Poor android. Whose behavior do you find more perplexing - Human... or Klingon?
Lt. Commander Data: At the moment... I would find it difficult to choose.
K'Ehleyr: So would I.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Genesis (#7.19)" (1994)
Lt. Commander Data: [to Ogawa, referring to her and Spot's pregnancy] I have spent the past nine weeks as an expectant parent. I would be happy to share my insights with your husband. If my experience is any indication, he will need all the help he can get.

[someone or something is banging against the sickbay doors]
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: What was that?
Lt. Commander Data: It is large...

Lt. Commander Data: I feel I must inform you, sir - you have also been infected by the intron virus.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: How long before I begin to change?
Lt. Commander Data: According to my calculations, within the next twelve hours you will begin to exhibit the first signs of your eventual transformation.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: And what will that be?
Lt. Commander Data: I believe you will also de-evolve into an earlier form of primate - possibly similar to a lemur or pygmy-marmoset.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Well - before I begin swinging through the ship looking for breakfast, we'd better find some answers. How do we reverse the process?

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Schisms (#6.5)" (1992)
Lt. Cmdr. Data: [reciting "Ode to Spot"] Felis catus is your taxonomic nomenclature - An endothermic quadruped, carnivorous by nature. Your visual, olfactory and auditory senses - Contribute to your hunting skills, and natural defenses. I find myself intrigued by your subvocal oscillations, A singular development of cat communications - That obviates your basic hedonistic predilection - For a rhythmic stroking of your fur, to demonstrate affection. A tail is quite essential, for your acrobatic talents; You would not be so agile, if you lacked its counterbalance. And when not being utilized to aid in locomotion, It often serves to illustrate the state of your emotion. Oh, Spot, the complex levels of behavior you display - Connote a fairly well-developed cognitive array. And though you are not sentient, Spot, and do not comprehend, I nonetheless consider you a true and valued friend.

[last lines]
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Have we any idea what came through the rupture before we were able to shut it down?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: No, sir. We were unable to track it once it left the cargo bay.
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Maybe it was a probe of some kind.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Possibly they were simply curious, explorers, like ourselves.
Commander William T. Riker: Ensign Rager and I were lucky to have escaped. Lieutenant Hagler is dead. Whoever it was that sent that thing was more than simply curious.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Booby Trap (#3.6)" (1989)
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: [of the Promellian battle cruiser] It is exactly as they left it, Number One - 'in the bottle'.
[Data and Worf, like Riker earlier, look at him rather blankly]
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: The ship in the bottle... Oh, good Lord, didn't anybody here build ships in bottles when they were boys?
Lieutenant Worf: I did not play with toys.
Lt. Commander Data: I was never a boy.
Chief Miles O'Brien: I did, sir.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: [pleased] Thank you, Mr. O'Brien.

[Data and Wesley are playing chess in Ten Forward when La Forge enters, rather downcast]
Wesley Crusher: Uh oh...
Lt. Commander Data: I beg your pardon, Wesley?
Wesley Crusher: Geordi had that big date with Christy tonight. He spent days putting together the perfect program. Looks like it ended kinda early.
Lt. Commander Data: Uh oh...

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Parallels (#7.11)" (1993)
Lieutenant Worf: Commander... how long have I been married to Counselor Troi?
Lt. Commander Data: Two years, one month, twelve days.
Lieutenant Worf: And when did this relationship begin?
Lt. Commander Data: It is my understanding your romantic affiliation began shortly after you recovered from your spinal injury on stardate 45587. It was six months later that you asked Commander Riker for his formal permission to court Counselor Troi. You felt to do otherwise would be dishonorable.
Lieutenant Worf: And then we mated?
Lt. Commander Data: I am not privy to the exact details of when, where or how your first coupling took place. I could investigate it.
Lieutenant Worf: No, that is all right.

Lt. Commander Data: The rate of quantum incursions is increasing exponentially. At this rate, the sector will be completely filled with Enterprises within three days.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Darmok (#5.2)" (1991)
Counselor Deanna Troi: All our technology and experience - our universal translator, our years in space, contact with more alien cultures than I can even remember...
Lt. Commander Data: I have encountered 1,754 non-Human races during my tenure in Starfleet.
Counselor Deanna Troi: And we still can't even say hello to these people.

Lt. Commander Data: Their ability to abstract is highly unusual. They seem to communicate through narrative imagery, a reference to the individuals and places which appear in their mytho-historical accounts.
Counselor Deanna Troi: It's as if I were to say to you... "Juliet on her balcony".
Doctor Beverly Crusher: An image of romance.
Counselor Deanna Troi: Exactly. Imagery is everything to the Tamarians. It embodies their emotional states, their very thought processes. It's how they communicate, and it's how they think.
Commander William T. Riker: If we know how they think, shouldn't we be able to get something across to them?
Lt. Commander Data: No, sir. The situation is analogous to understanding the grammar of a language, but none of the vocabulary.
Doctor Beverly Crusher: If I didn't know who Juliet was or what she was doing on that balcony, the image alone wouldn't have any meaning.
Counselor Deanna Troi: That's correct. For instance, we know that Darmok was a great hero, a hunter, and that Tanagra was an island. But that's it. Without the details, there's no understanding.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Gambit: Part 2 (#7.5)" (1993)
Counselor Deanna Troi: [examining Riker, who has been "killed" by Picard] He's all right. He's only stunned.
Lt. Commander Data: I must admit, I am experiencing a similar sensation.

[last lines]
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Number One, will you set a course for Starbase 227, I'll join you on the bridge shortly.
Commander William T. Riker: Wait a minute - you've been declared dead. You can't give orders around here.
Lt. Commander Data: [to Riker] If we are to adhere to the exact letter of Starfleet regulations, then technically, sir, you have been declared a renegade. In fact, I believe you are facing twelve counts of court martial offenses. You cannot give orders either, sir.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: That's quite right. And as I am supposed to be dead, I'll go and get some sleep, and Mr. Data, I suggest that you escort Commander Riker to the brig.
Lt. Commander Data: Aye, sir.
[while Picard enters his quarters, an amused Riker starts to go about his own business, when Data holds him back... ]
Lt. Commander Data: This way, sir.
[... and, unperturbed, leads him away in the opposite direction]
Commander William T. Riker: Data, he was joking... You know that, right? Data?

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: The Chase (#6.20)" (1993)
Lt. Commander Data: My upper spinal support is a poly-alloy, designed to withstand extreme stress. My skull is composed of cortenide and duranium.
[after Nu'Daq has almost knocked himself out trying to head-butt Data]

Lt. Commander Data: You are attempting to bribe me.
Captain Nu'Daq: Not at all.
[after Nu'Daq has assured Data a promising career in the Klingon Empire if he gave him the information on the missing fragment before everyone else]

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Starship Mine (#6.18)" (1993)
Lt. Commander Data: It has been quite a day. Has it not?
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: [slightly surprised about the comment] Yes, it has.
Lt. Commander Data: However, a change of routine is often invigorating, and can be a welcome diversion after a long assignment.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Exactly.
Lt. Commander Data: [after a pause] I understand that Arkaria has some very interesting weather patterns.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: [bewildered] Mr. Data? Are you all right?
Lt. Commander Data: Yes, sir. I am attempting to fill a silent moment with non-relevant conversation.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Ah. Small talk.
Lt. Commander Data: Yes, sir. I have found that humans often use small talk during awkward moments. Therefore, I have written a new subroutine for that purpose. How did I do?
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Perhaps it was a little... too non-relevant.

Lt. Commander Data: [practicing small talk a la Hutchinson on Riker and Crusher] It is very good to see you both again! Beverly... May I call you Beverly? Beverly, have you noticed that the mean temperature here on Arkaria is slightly higher than normal for human comfort levels? I have found that humans prefer a body temperature of 21 degrees Celsius in order to operate most efficiently. However, there are several cultures who actually prefer that their body temperature is identical to the temperature of the room in which they are standing. The Sheliak for example...

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Unnatural Selection (#2.7)" (1989)
[Data is examining Dr. Pulaski's physical condition]
Lt. Commander Data: All systems are functioning within normal specifications, Doctor.
Doctor Pulaski: The "manufacturer"'ll be pleased to hear it. I appreciate your help, but your bedside manner needs work.

Lt. Commander Data: What is your condition, Doctor?
Doctor Pulaski: Not exactly up to factory specs.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Code of Honor (#1.3)" (1987)
[Lutan has abducted Lieutenant Yar and taken her down to Ligon]
Lt. Commander Data: What Lutan did is similar to what certain American Indians once did called 'counting coup'. That is from an obscure language known as French. Counting coup...
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Mr. Data. The French language, for centuries on Earth, represented civilization.
Lt. Commander Data: Indeed? But surely, sir...
Commander William T. Riker: [sotto voce] I suggest you drop it, Mr. Data.

[Picard has asked Data and La Forge to analyze Ligonian armaments in view of Lieutenant Yar using them in combat with Yareena]
Lt. Commander Data: Most interesting. Could this be human joke number 663?
Lieutenant Geordi La Forge: Negative, Data. That's a Captain's order.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Thine Own Self (#7.16)" (1994)
Lt. Commander Data: Where is your mother?
Gia: She died about a year ago. Father said she... she went to a beautiful place... where everything is peaceful, and everyone loves each other, and no one ever gets sick. Do you think there's really a place like that?
[Data looks out the window to the moon]
Lt. Commander Data: Yes... I do.

[last lines]
Lt. Commander Data: Counselor - have you been promoted in my absence?
Counselor Deanna Troi: That's right. Which means, from now on you can call me 'sir'.
Lt. Commander Data: Yes, sir.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Second Chances (#6.24)" (1993)
Lt. Commander Data: If you met a double of yourself, would you have difficulty interacting with him?
Lieutenant Worf: I think so.
Lt. Commander Data: Why?
Lieutenant Worf: I am not easy to get along with.

Lt. Commander Data: I have found that humans value their uniqueness - that sense that they are different from everyone else. The existence of a double would preclude that feeling. Could that be the source of the friction?
Lieutenant Worf: Or perhaps it is more a matter of seeing something in your double, something you do not like in yourself.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Home Soil (#1.17)" (1988)
Lt. Commander Data: Please show me spectral analysis, magnification 12k.
Computer Voice: Silicon, germanium.
Lt. Commander Data: Transistor material.
Computer Voice: Gallium arsenide.
Lieutenant Geordi La Forge: Emits light when charged.
Computer Voice: Cadmium selenide, sulfide.
Lt. Commander Data: Emits charge when lit.
Computer Voice: Water, impurities, sodium salts.
Lieutenant Worf: Conductor.
Lieutenant Worf: [to Data and Geordi] But is it alive?
Computer Voice: Probability: positive.
Lieutenant Worf: I wasn't asking *you*.

[the inorganic substance has made a cell division]
Doctor Beverly Crusher: Two of them!
Lt. Commander Data: Only life can replicate itself, Doctor. Inorganic or not - it is alive.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: When the Bough Breaks (#1.16)" (1988)
[Picard has quoted Starfleet Regulation 6.57 to Radue, in order to justify Dr. Crusher's presence during negotiations]
Lt. Commander Data: Captain, I am not aware of Regulation 6.57.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: No, Data, neither am I.
Lt. Commander Data: I see, sir. Oh - I see, sir!

Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Data, find a way to defeat that shield.
Lt. Commander Data: That may be impossible sir.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Things are only impossible until they're not!

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Timescape (#6.25)" (1993)
Deanna Troi: I was just leaving the reception when this Ktarian walks up to me and says...
Deanna Troi: [impersonating Dr. Mizan] "Hello, Diane. I understand you're an empath. I'm a very
[winks]
Deanna Troi: sensitive man myself. I'm doing a thesis on interspecies mating rituals. Would you care to join me in some empirical research?"
Lt. Commander Data: [after La Forge has commented on Dr. Mizan, the Ktarian] Did you help him with his research, Counselor?
Deanna Troi: Absolutely not!
Lt. Commander Data: I thought it was a topic you were interested in.

[last lines]
Lt. Commander Data: I have been testing the aphorism, "A watched pot never boils." I have boiled the same amount of water in this kettle sixty-two times. In some cases I have ignored the kettle; in others, I have watched it intently. In every instance, the water reaches its boiling point in precisely 51.7 seconds. It appears I am not capable of perceiving time any differently than my internal chronometer.
Commander William T. Riker: Why don't you turn it off?
Lt. Commander Data: Sir?
Commander William T. Riker: Data, people do not *have* internal chronometers. Why don't you see what happens if you turn yours off?
Lt. Commander Data: Thank you, sir. I will try that.
[Riker nods and gets up to leave, but stops]
Commander William T. Riker: Just don't be late for your shift!

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: The High Ground (#3.12)" (1990)
Lt. Commander Data: I have been reviewing the history of armed rebellion. And it appears that terrorism is an effective way to promote political change.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Yes, it can be. But I have never subscribed to the theory that political power flows from the barrel of a gun.

Lt. Commander Data: [on the transport device of the terrorists] Captain, anyone who is willing to transport in this manner would suffer significant internal damage that could be detected.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Hm... It sounds as though they may require the services... of a doctor.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Shades of Gray (#2.22)" (1989)
[last lines]
Dr. Kate Pulaski: There may be some residual memory loss. I just want to be certain that you still know who you are.
[Riker looks at Picard and Data]
Commander William T. Riker: [shrewdly] Of course I know who I am. I'm Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the USS Enterprise!
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: I'm delighted that you're feeling better, Captain.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: [referring to Data] The Admiral and I were worried about you.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: [not understanding] Captain, I do not believe you have the authority to promote me to the rank of admiral.

[Data has analyzed the vines on the planet and found to be possibly predatory]
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Then the vines infect animals, in order to kill them?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: It is possible. For Commander Riker's sake, I hope my hypothesis is in error.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Unfortunately, Commander Data, your hypotheses rarely are.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Relics (#6.4)" (1992)
[Data has taken a bottle of green-colored spirit from Guinan's stock]
Scotty: What is it?
Lt. Commander Data: It is...
[he looks and sniffs at it]
Lt. Commander Data: It is...
[he looks at it again, obviously not any wiser]
Lt. Commander Data: It is green.

[the Enterprise is trapped inside the Dyson Sphere and exposed to frequent solar flares]
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Mr. Data, we have to find some way out of here. Begin scanning for another hatch or portal that might still be open.
Lt. Commander Data: The interior surface area is over ten to the sixteenth square kilometers. It will take seven hours to completely scan the surface, sir.
[the Enterprise is hit by another flare]
Lt. Commander Data: I will endeavor to speed up the process, sir.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Sarek (#3.23)" (1990)
Lt. Commander Data: Sarek is a logical, intelligent being. The effects of Bendii Syndrome are apparent. Why would such a man choose to ignore them?
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Logic fails us sometimes, Data. I think this is one of those times. I can only guess that he does not see - or he does not wish to see - the truth. And he is being insulated against that truth by those who love him most.

Lt. Commander Data: You must decide which is your greater obligation - your loyalty to Sarek, or your duty to the Federation. Can you accept the logic of continuing this mission?
Sakkath: Tell your Captain... the mission is in jeopardy.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Tin Man (#3.20)" (1990)
Lt. Commander Data: You said in the transporter room that you could not read my mind.
Tam Elbrun: True enough. But I think I understand you pretty well. It worries you that I can't read your mind?
Lt. Commander Data: Perhaps there is nothing to read - nothing more than mechanisms and algorithmic responses.
Tam Elbrun: Perhaps you're just different. It's not a sin, you know. Though you may have heard otherwise.

[last lines]
Lt. Commander Data: I witnessed something... remarkable. Individually, they were both so...
Counselor Deanna Troi: Wounded. Isolated.
Lt. Commander Data: Yes. But no longer. Through joining... they have been healed. Grief has been transmuted to joy, loneliness to... belonging.
Counselor Deanna Troi: Data? You *do* understand?
Lt. Commander Data: Yes, Counselor. When Tin Man returned me to the Enterprise, I realized... this is where *I* belong.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Yesterday's Enterprise (#3.15)" (1990)
Lt. Commander Data: There is a high degree of probability that the temporal rift is symmetrical, Captain.
Capt. Picard: Then what would happen if the Enterprise-C were to fly back through it?
Lt. Commander Data: Back, sir? The Enterprise-C would emerge in her own time, at almost the same instant she left.
Capt. Picard: Right in the middle of the battle with the Romulans.
Lt. Commander Data: Yes, sir.
Capt. Picard: Is there any possibility she could survive?
Lt. Commander Data: None, sir.
Capt. Picard: Then sending them back would be a death sentence.

Natasha Yar: I've been working with one of the officers on the Enterprise-C. He's, he's nice, I, I like him. I'm worried about what's going to happen to him.
Lt. Commander Data: We may never know what happens. If they succeed, we will not even realize that these events occurred.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Hide and Q (#1.9)" (1987)
[Riker has proposed to fulfill his friends' deepest desires]
Commander William T. Riker: Data...
Lt. Commander Data: No! No, sir.
Commander William T. Riker: But it's what you've always wanted, Data - to become human.
Lt. Commander Data: Yes, sir, that is true. But I never wanted to compound one... illusion with another. It might be real to Q. Perhaps even you, sir. But it would never be so to me. Was it not one of the Captain's favorite authors who wrote "This above all, to thine own self be true"? Sorry, Commander. I must decline.

Lt. Commander Data: Sir, how is it that the Q can... handle time and space so well, and us so badly?
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Perhaps someday we will discover that space and time are simpler than the human equation.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Unification I (#5.7)" (1991)
Lt. Commander Data: Since I do not require sleep, I propose you take the... shelf, sir.

[Sarek has died]
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: The tenor of this mission has changed, Mr. Data; at least, it has for me. We were sent to confront Spock about his disappearance, and now I also have to tell him that his father is dead.
Lt. Commander Data: I do not entirely understand, sir. As a Vulcan, Ambassador Spock would simply see death as the logical result of his father's illness.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: It's never quite that simple, not even for a Vulcan - certainly not for Spock, who is half-Human. Years spent in conflict. And now the chance to resolve those differences is gone.
Lt. Commander Data: Considering the exceptionally long lifespan of Vulcans, it does seem odd that Sarek and Spock did not choose to resolve those differences in the time allowed.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Father and son - both proud, both stubborn, more alike than either of them were prepared to admit. A lifetime spent building emotional barriers; they are very difficult to break down. And now the time has come and it's too late... it's a difficult moment. It's a lonely one. It's a moment that Spock is about to face.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Redemption II (#5.1)" (1991)
[Data has been assigned to command the USS Sutherland]
Lt. Cmdr. Christopher Hobson: Excuse me, sir. I'd like to request a transfer.
Lt. Commander Data: May I ask why?
Lt. Cmdr. Christopher Hobson: I don't believe I'd be a good first officer for you.
Lt. Commander Data: Your service record to date suggests you would perform that function adequately.
Lt. Cmdr. Christopher Hobson: No, no, no, that's not what I mean. I don't think I'd be a good first officer for *you*.
Lt. Commander Data: Why?
Lt. Cmdr. Christopher Hobson: Frankly, sir, I don't believe in your ability to command this ship. You're a fellow officer and I respect that, but... no one would suggest that a Klingon would be a good ship's counselor or that a Berellian could be an engineer; they're just not suited for those positions. By the same token, I don't... think an android is a good choice to be captain.
Lt. Commander Data: I understand your concerns. Request denied.

Lt. Commander Data: Captain, I wish to submit myself for disciplinary action. I have disobeyed a direct order from a superior officer. Although the result of my actions proved positive, the ends cannot justify the means.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: No, they can't. However, the claim 'I was only following orders' has been used to justify too many tragedies in our history. Starfleet doesn't want officers who will blindly follow orders without analyzing the situation. Your actions were appropriate for the circumstances. And I have noted that in your record.
[Data acknowledges with a nod and turns to leave]
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Mr. Data... Nicely done!

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Remember Me (#4.5)" (1990)
Doctor Beverly Crusher: Sickbay is totally empty. Apparently I no longer have any staff.
Commander William T. Riker: And that surprises you, Doctor?
Doctor Beverly Crusher: Surprises me? I'll say it surprises me. There should be at least four members of my staff on duty at all times!
Lt. Commander Data: I am afraid ship's records do not concur, Doctor.
Doctor Beverly Crusher: What are you talking about?
Lt. Commander Data: You do not have a staff.
Doctor Beverly Crusher: You're telling me I'm the sole medical officer on a ship with over a thousand people on board?
Lt. Commander Data: Excuse me, Doctor, but the entire ship's complement is 230.

[a little later]
Doctor Beverly Crusher: Are all the members of the crew accounted for?
Lt. Commander Data: Yes, Doctor.
Doctor Beverly Crusher: How many are there?
Lt. Commander Data: There are 114 people on the Enterprise.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Disaster (#5.5)" (1991)
Lt. Commander Data: A remarkable experience, Commander.
[after exposing himself to a high power surge]

Lt. Commander Data: My positronic brain has several layers of shielding to protect me from power surges. It would be possible for you to remove my cranial unit and take it with you.
Commander William T. Riker: Let me get this straight. You want me to take off your head?
Lt. Commander Data: Yes, sir. Is something wrong, sir?

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: I Borg (#5.23)" (1992)
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: If this works the way I think it will, once the invasive program starts spreading, it'll only be a matter of months before the Borg suffer total systems failure.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Comments?
Doctor Beverly Crusher: A question. What exactly is "total systems failure"?
Lt. Commander Data: The Borg are extremely computer-dependent. A systems failure will destroy them.
Doctor Beverly Crusher: I just think we should be clear about that. We're talking about annihilating an entire race.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Which under most circumstances would be unconscionable. But as I see it, the Borg leave us with little choice.
Commander William T. Riker: I agree. We're at war.
Doctor Beverly Crusher: There's been no formal declaration of war.
Counselor Deanna Troi: Not from us, but certainly from them. They've attacked us at every encounter.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: They've declared war on our way of life. We're to be assimilated.
Doctor Beverly Crusher: But even in war, there are rules. You don't kill civilians indiscriminately.
Commander William T. Riker: There are no civilians among the Borg.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Think of them as a single collective being. There's no one Borg who is more an individual than your arm or your leg.
Doctor Beverly Crusher: How convenient.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Your point, Doctor?
Doctor Beverly Crusher: When I look at my patient, I don't see a collective consciousness, I don't see a hive. I see a living, breathing boy who has been hurt and who needs our help. And we're talking about sending him back to his people as an instrument of destruction.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: It comes down to this: we're faced with an enemy who are determined to destroy us, and we have no hope of negotiating a peace. Unless that changes, we're justified in doing anything we can to survive.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Galaxy's Child (#4.16)" (1991)
Lt. Commander Data: Sir - is the appellation 'Junior' to be the life form's official name?
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: No, it is not!

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: The Price (#3.8)" (1989)
[La Forge and Data are in a shuttle preparing to go through the wormhole]
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: You know, if this doesn't work, the thought of spending the rest of my life in here is none too appealing.
Lt. Commander Data: There is a bright side, Geordi. You will have me to talk to.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: The Dauphin (#2.10)" (1989)
Lt. Commander Data: Judging by her appearance, it is likely you and Salia are biologically compatible. Of course there could be a difference in the histocompatibility complex of the cell membrane, but...
Wesley Crusher: Data - I want to meet her, not dissect her.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Heart of Glory (#1.19)" (1988)
Lt. Commander Data: I believe, sir, that was the first time outsiders have witnessed the Klingon death ritual.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: I can understand them looking into the dying man's eyes. But the howling?
Lt. Commander Data: It was a warning.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: To whom?
Lt. Commander Data: They are warning the dead, sir: "Beware, a Klingon warrior is about to arrive."

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Power Play (#5.15)" (1992)
Lt. Commander Data: Lieutenant, I must apologize for my inadvertent misconduct toward you.
Lieutenant Worf: No apology necessary.
Lt. Commander Data: Your restraint was most remarkable.
Lieutenant Worf: You have no idea.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Rightful Heir (#6.23)" (1993)
Lt. Commander Data: I once had what could be considered a crisis of the spirit.
Lieutenant Worf: You?
Lt. Commander Data: Yes. The Starfleet officers who first activated me on Omicron Theta told me I was an android - nothing more than a sophisticated machine with human form. However, I realized that if I was simply a machine, I could never be anything else; I could never grow beyond my programming. I found that difficult to accept. So I chose to believe... that I was a person; that I had the potential to be more than a collection of circuits and subprocessors. It is a belief which I still hold.
Lieutenant Worf: How did you come to your decision?
Lt. Commander Data: I made... a leap of faith.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: The Loss (#4.10)" (1990)
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Mr. Data, what velocity would put us back on schedule?
Lt. Commander Data: A resumption of our present course at warp six will place us in the T'lli Beta system in six days, thirteen hours, 47 minutes.
Commander William T. Riker: What, no seconds?
Lt. Commander Data: I have discovered, sir, a certain level of impatience when I calculate a lengthy time interval to the nearest second. However, if you wish...
Commander William T. Riker: No, no. Minutes is fine.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: The Vengeance Factor (#3.9)" (1989)
Lt. Commander Data: Captain, I am detecting life readings from the planet's surface, as well as several small areas of thermal radiation and carbon dioxide emissions, indicative of combustion.
Wesley Crusher: [smiles] Campfires, Data.
Lt. Commander Data: Is that not what I said?

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Eye of the Beholder (#7.18)" (1994)
[Data is talking about his first months of activation, when he was at risk of systems failure]
Lt. Commander Data: I came to the conclusion, it would be safer - and easier - to shut myself down and start again.
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Yeah, but if you had done that you wouldn't have remembered any of the things that had happened to you.
Lt. Commander Data: Mm. In a way, it would have been like committing suicide.
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: So what did you do?
Lt. Commander Data: I decided against the procedure. I chose instead to treat the problems I was having with my systems as challenges to overcome, rather than obstacles to be avoided.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Interface (#7.3)" (1993)
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: I was just passing by. I was wondering what you were up to.
Lt. Commander Data: [sitting in front of a screen] I am using the time to catch up on my study of poetry.
[La Forge walks round to take a look]
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Data, there's nothing on the screen.
Lt. Commander Data: That is not entirely correct. While it is true the display is currently blank, this... emptiness has a poetic meaning. Therefore, it cannot be considered 'nothing' as such.
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Says who?
Lt. Commander Data: The ancient Doosodarians. Much of their poetry contains such lacunae or empty spaces. Often, these pauses measured several days in length, during which poet and audience were encouraged to fully acknowledge the emptiness of the experience.
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: I remember a few lectures from Starfleet Academy that seemed that way.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: The Game (#5.6)" (1991)
Lt. Commander Data: Geordi, a conflict has arisen between the planetary evolution team and the stellar physicists. Each wishes to be the first to use the thermal imaging array.
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Well, tell 'em to flip a coin. We've got to work together on this mission, otherwise we're never gonna get it done.
Lt. Commander Data: A coin? Very good. I will replicate one immediately.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Conundrum (#5.14)" (1992)
Counselor Deanna Troi: The bartender is an artificial life form.
Lt. Commander Data: Can I get you something? A beverage?

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: A Matter of Perspective (#3.14)" (1990)
[Data is analyzing a painting of Picard]
Lt. Commander Data: Interesting.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Oh. Thank you. In what way?
Lt. Commander Data: While suggesting the free treatment of form usually attributed to Fauvism, this quite... inappropriately attempts to juxtapose the disparate cubistic styles of Picasso and Léger. In addition, the use of color suggests a... haphazard melange of clashing styles. Furthermore, the unsettling overtones of proto-Vulcan influences...
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: [strained] Thank you... Mr. Data.
Lt. Commander Data: You are welcome, sir. If I can be of further assistance...
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: No! Thank you.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Identity Crisis (#4.18)" (1991)
Doctor Beverly Crusher: You're worried about Geordi, aren't you?
Lt. Commander Data: I am an android. It is not possible for me...
Doctor Beverly Crusher: ...for you to feel anxiety.
Lt. Commander Data: Starfleet personnel have vanished. Others may be at risk. We must do the best we can to find out why.
[Crusher coughs slightly]
Lt. Commander Data: However, I am...
[Crusher gives him a questioning look]
Lt. Commander Data: ...strongly motivated to solve this mystery.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Imaginary Friend (#5.22)" (1992)
[Data and Guinan are viewing the cloud formations of a nebula]
Guinan: ...Now it's a Samarian coral fish with its fin unfolded.
Lt. Commander Data: I believe what you are seeing is the effect of the fluid dynamic processes inherent in the large-scale motion of rarified gas.
Guinan: No. no. First it was a fish, and now it's a Mintonian sailing ship.
Lt. Commander Data: Where?
Guinan: Right there. Don't you see the two swirls coming together to form the mast?
Lt. Commander Data: I do not see it... It is interesting that people try to find meaningful patterns in things that are essentially random. I have noticed that the images they perceive sometimes suggest what they are thinking about at that particular moment.
[he looks out at the nebula again]
Lt. Commander Data: Besides, it is clearly a bunny rabbit.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: The Icarus Factor (#2.14)" (1989)
Lt. Commander Data: [of the holographic Klingons at the Ascension ceremony] These images have been specifically programmed for Ascension Rites.
Lieutenant Geordi La Forge: Cute bunch.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: The Survivors (#3.3)" (1989)
Doctor Beverly Crusher: Could I have your names, please, just for the record?
Rishon Uxbridge: I'm Rishon Uxbridge, and this is my husband Kevin.
Lt. Commander Data: Botanists. Originally from the aquatic city New Martim Vaz in Earth's Atlantic Ocean. Residents of the Rana IV colony for five years. You, madam, are 82 years of age and a composer of Tao-classical music. You, sir, are 85 years of age and a specialist in symbiotic plant life. You have been married for 53 years. I memorized the colony register on the way to Rana IV, in the event that such information would be needed.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Firstborn (#7.21)" (1994)
[Gorta has hinted to know of the whereabouts of the Duras sisters]
Lt. Commander Data: Would you be willing to share your information with us?
Gorta: My personal code of conduct prohibits sharing. But I'd consider a trade.
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Does your personal code of conduct tell you that when you're stranded on a planet with no way off, you shouldn't try to cut deals?
Gorta: You have a point.
Lt. Commander Data: We could certainly provide passage off this planet, in exchange for information.
Gorta: Could you perhaps 'fail' to tell the Pakleds that we were mining their ore?
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Don't push your luck.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: The Best of Both Worlds: Part 2 (#4.1)" (1990)
[the Borg have abruptly ceased their attack on the Enterprise]
Captain William T. Riker: Mr. Data, what the hell happened?
Lt. Commander Data: I successfully planted a command into the Borg collective consciousness. It misdirected them to believe it was time to regenerate. In effect, I put them all to sleep.
Captain William T. Riker: [baffled] To sleep?

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Ship in a Bottle (#6.12)" (1993)
[Data and La Forge are indulging in another Sherlock Holmes adventure]
Lt. Commander Data: [as Holmes] With practice, handwriting can be forged. It takes a trained eye to notice certain... discrepancies. For example, whether someone is right-... or left-handed.
[he throws a matchbox to a holographic gentleman, who catches it]
Lt. Commander Data: Your brother was right-handed. The alleged suicide note was written by a left-handed individual, such as yourself!
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Er, Data... it's in his right hand.
Lt. Commander Data: [puzzled] Curious. There seems to be a problem with the holodeck's spatial orientation systems.
Gentleman: [derisively] London's greatest detective!

"Star Trek: Enterprise: These Are the Voyages... (#4.22)" (2005)
Lt. Commander Data (voice): [over comm] I was wondering if this might be an appropriate time to continue our discussion on the long-term effects of space travel on my positronic net.
Counselor Deanna Troi: Can I give you a rain check?
Lt. Commander Data (voice): You may... check me for rain if you wish, Counselor, but I assure you, I have no water in my...
Counselor Deanna Troi: Data, I'll get back to you.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Hollow Pursuits (#3.21)" (1990)
Lt. Commander Data: Pardon me - but why is Lieutenant Barclay being referred to clandestinely as a vegetable?

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: The Pegasus (#7.12)" (1994)
[Admiral Pressman has suggested to take the Enterprise into the fissure of an asteroid]
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Admiral, I don't think that we can risk...
Admiral Eric Pressman: I've made my decision. Prepare to take the Enterprise in, Captain. That's an order.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Mr. Data, will you please note in the ship's log that this action is being taken over my explicit objection.
Lt. Commander Data: It is so noted, sir.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: New Ground (#5.10)" (1992)
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Data! Data, isn't this exciting? We are going to witness a moment in history!
Lt. Commander Data: [puzzled] Every nanosecond in this continuum is a moment in history, once it has elapsed.
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: No, no, no, no, I mean, we are gonna see something that people will talk about for years! I mean, think about it: no more bulky warp engines, or nacelles. A ship just generates a soliton wave and then rides it through space, like a surfboard. This is going to be like being there to watch Chuck Yeager break the sound barrier, or Zefram Cochrane engage the first warp drive!
Lt. Commander Data: [emotionless] It should be interesting.
Lieutenant Worf: [equally unenthusiastic] Very exciting.
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: I'm talking to the wrong crowd. Er, D-Donaldson! Donaldson, you're an engineer...!
[hurries off]

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Time's Arrow: Part 2 (#6.1)" (1992)
[Clemens mentions to Data an employee of the county assayer's office Data has spoken to earlier]
Lt. Commander Data: I have spoken to several people in that office.
Samuel Clemens, aka Mark Twain: Yes, I know. And in the hall of records, and in the Geological Society, and in a little-known mineral shop in Chinatown. You do get around, don't you?
Lt. Commander Data: As apparently you do, Mr. Clemens.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Manhunt (#2.19)" (1989)
[Data has just saved Picard from Lwaxana Troi's advances, diverting her with boring stories]
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Data, you will never know how much I owe you for that.
Lt. Commander Data: Indeed, Captain? I know many more interesting anecdotes, sir. For example...
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Data...
Lt. Commander Data: Sir?
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Later.
Lt. Commander Data: Yes, sir.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Lessons (#6.19)" (1993)
Lt. Commander Data: Is there a problem, Geordi?
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: I hear music.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Samaritan Snare (#2.17)" (1989)
Wesley Crusher: Those Academy cadets can be extremely competitive.
Commander William T. Riker: But you have the practical experience, Wes.
Lt. Commander Data: Commander Riker is correct. While the information imparted to cadets at the Academy is unquestionably vital for prospective Starfleet officers, it nonetheless requires a significant period of supplementary systems training and situational disciplines.
Commander William T. Riker: Didn't I just say that?
Lt. Commander Data: Yes, sir. But not quite as perspicuously.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Qpid (#4.20)" (1991)
[Troi aims a bow at a tree, but shoots her arrow into Data's chest]
Counselor Troi: Data! Are you all right?
Lt. Cmdr. Data: [pulls the arrow out] The arrow impacted just above my sixth intercostal support, penetrating my secondary subprocessor.
[wiggles his fingers]
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Fortunately, none of my bio-functions seem affected. Do not be concerned, Counselor. I believe your aim is improving.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Liaisons (#7.2)" (1993)
Lt. Cmdr. Data: I have heard that in moments of diplomatic tension, it is often helpful to find elements of commonality.
Lieutenant Worf: Ambassador Byleth is... demanding, temperamental and rude!
Lt. Cmdr. Data: You share all of those qualities in abundance. Perhaps you should try to build on your similarities!

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Bloodlines (#7.22)" (1994)
Lt. Commander Data: [decoding a message in B'Zal] The message reads: "My revenge is at hand".

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Suddenly Human (#4.4)" (1990)
[in the attempt to get a spoonful of ice cream, Jono has accidentally splashed it across Wesley's face to everyone's amusement, except... ]
Lt. Commander Data: I fail to understand why this is amusing.
Commander William T. Riker: Access your data banks under 'Humor', subheading 'Slapstick'.
Lt. Commander Data: 'Comedy stressing farce and horseplay'. Ah. This, no doubt, is a variation on 'pie in the face'.
Commander William T. Riker: Now do you see why it's funny?
Lt. Commander Data: No, sir. But I will take your word for it. This is very amusing.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Man of the People (#6.3)" (1992)
Lt. Commander Data: Counselor Troi has altered her appearance.
[on seeing Troi dressed up with an unusual hairstyle]

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: The Bonding (#3.5)" (1989)
Lt. Commander Data: Since her death, I have been asked several times to define how well I knew Lieutenant Aster. And I heard you ask Wesley on the bridge how well he knew Jeremy. Does the question of familiarity have some bearing on death?
Commander William T. Riker: Do you remember how we all felt when Tasha died?
Lt. Commander Data: I do not sense the same feelings of absence that I associate with Lieutenant Yar. Although I cannot say precisely why.
Commander William T. Riker: Just human nature, Data.
Lt. Commander Data: Human nature, sir?
Commander William T. Riker: We feel a loss more intensely when it's a friend.
Lt. Commander Data: Hm... But should not the feelings run just as deep, regardless of who has died?
Commander William T. Riker: Maybe they should, Data. Maybe if we felt any loss as keenly as we felt the death of one close to us - human history would be a lot less bloody.